1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

New Here/Feel Guilty and Confused

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by TaylorJ, Jan 18, 2016.

  1. TaylorJ

    TaylorJ Registered User

    Jan 18, 2016
    #1 TaylorJ, Jan 18, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2016
    I am noticing things with my 90 year old mother like memory problems, behavioural changes, and such, that others do not see. examples are forgetting, repeating, completely forgetting something I have said two minutes ago. also her personality. she was always easy-going. now she gets very angry at everyone. cries a lot. is very ill with another very serious heart disease. but her changes in her mind make me wonder. its more than depression due to forgetting so much, right after you talk. she does not remember what she said a day ago, sometimes ten minutes ago. Moods are back and forth. sometimes loving, sometimes very angry. our talks go all over the place. something is wrong. Newest thing is saying she wants to die. So scared here. I live far away. Don't know what to do or how to make my sister see what I see.
    I am unable to take her to doctor. Sister has POA and does not see it. Doctors do not see it. she passed some tests, but they were brief tests, so says my sister. So, I feel guilty because I see it. Can anyone understand this? thank you very much.
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    Welcome to TP :)

    The changes you mention are common with dementia.
    It's also very common for family members to stick their heads in the sand & ignore it.
  3. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    Afternoon TaylorJ and welcome to TP. You should not feel guilty, if anything you are ahead of the rest. I only noticed my dad getting old and slow after I moved away and only saw him every few months, so your sister is probably too close to notice changes or too scared of what it means.
    Not sure how to persuade your sister or your mum's doctor to make further test, that just seems to be through patient persistence which is easier said than done.
    You are in the right place for good advice, so I wish you well and hope someone can help you better.
  4. TaylorJ

    TaylorJ Registered User

    Jan 18, 2016
    Thank you for welcoming me and for your comments. I appreciate them. Is there a site for people new to this or do I just post under my parent. My mother has passed some tests through the psychiatrist, but they think it is depression. It seems so much more than that.
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
  6. Nanjan

    Nanjan Registered User

    Feb 5, 2016
    Im newish to all this too. Mum was diagnosed with mild dementia in November but we've had spells when nothing has retained and her behaviour has been strange. Ive found it very difficult at times to know what she wants or needs or what i can do for the best. She's saying she wants to be with people constantly but is reluctant to go to clubs etc. She says shes bored but will not engage in any hobby or the like. She sounds so upset sometimes -i live 80 miles away & visit weekly as does my brother. I have carers in place but for physical needs not emotional needs. She says she wants to be in a home but what she seems to want is me there all the time. This will never be posdible. How does one deal with guilt? I guess im learning! We can only do our best!
  7. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    Hi Nanjan
    Can you move your mum to a home nearer to you perhaps to a local home so that you can visit but others can do the day to day caring?

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