New here- and new to dementia

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Tiggy, Jul 22, 2007.

  1. Tiggy

    Tiggy Registered User

    Jul 22, 2007
    3
    Not been on here before but I thought I would join seeing as my boyfriend, who i have been with for a while now, recently told me that one of his parents is in early stages of Alzheimers. They have known for a while but he hasn't told anyone about it.

    I've not known anyone with or effected with this illness before, and I would like to find out as much as I can so I can help support him as things progress.

    So yea.....

    Dont know what else to say really...
     
  2. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    Hi Tiggy,

    Welcome to TP. There is a lot of information on the main website which you and your boyfriend will find helpful. If you have any specific questions, ask away. There are no experts on TP, but there are lots of people with different experiences of dementia.

    Your boyfriend and his family will need a lot of support in the coming weeks, months, years... and TP is a good place to start.
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,642
    Kent
    Hi Tiggy, welcome.

    I have learnt more about Alzheimers from this web site than from anywhere else, including the doctors.

    I have learnt from people who are experiencing it on a daily basis, and witnessing the effect on people they love.

    You will find that Alzheimers doesn`t only affect those who are diagnosed with it, it affects all family members too.

    I hope TP helps you as much as it has helped me.

    Take care xx
     
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Tiggy

    Welcome from me too. It's a good idea to find out as much as you can in advance, and TP is a good source of information and support.

    If you look at the top left corner of the page you will see i Factsheets. These are factsheets from Alzheimer Society, and they are very good. Just click the icon and you can choose from a list.

    All the best,
     
  5. Tiggy

    Tiggy Registered User

    Jul 22, 2007
    3
    Thanks for making me feel so welcome. Finding out about this feels liek quite a lot to handle even for me, so I'm going to take a good look through all the posts on here and through those factsheets.

    Like I said before, my boyfriend has only just told me, and most of his close friends at he's known for years dont even know.
    He's not told me exactly how long they've known or how advanced it is but I dont want to ask him to much as I have a feeling he's still not totally come to terms with it.

    He wants me to, but he seems worried about me meeting his parents but I'm not sure why. He gets very cagey about it. He's told his mother about me so she knows who I am and is very excited about him having a girlfriend, and he said she wouldn't be too bothered by my presence in the house because it is only early stages.

    How can I prove to him that I'm not going to think badly of him or his mum, or teh rest of the family? When he told me it did come as a surprise as he never really spoke about either of his parents much but I didn't make a big deal out of it or ask many questions as it took alot for him to actually say it in the first place.
    I'm so glad he has been able to tell me about it and I really want to help in any way I can.
     
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Tiggy

    Perhaps you could print off one or two of the factsheets and suggest that you look at them together? You could say that you want to learn as much as you can so that you can help care for his mum.

    If you think he might not like that, just try talking to him about his mum. If you can treat it as a normal topic of conversation, he'll get used to you being involved, an happier for you to meet his mum.

    Good luck,
     
  7. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Hi Tiggy, when my mum first had 'Alz' mooted, I'm afraid to say I knew nothing about dementia .... I still wonder is it one of life's 'taboos' for so many people ...... ???? Could be why your boyfriend feels reluctant to share so much .... it's like a situation that needs to be de-stigmatised and stripped of any wrongful prejudice ...... ?????

    I wasn't getting very far very fast learning either - until I found the AS website and TP ...... and lots of special people prepared to share and support ......

    You've obviously recognised that it has taken something special for your boyfriend to confide in you when he hasn't yet with others ..... well done you for looking for ways to reciprocate that trust!!!!!!! :)

    Keep posting ...

    Love, Karen, x
     
  8. Tiggy

    Tiggy Registered User

    Jul 22, 2007
    3
    I think printing things off may be a bit hard for him to deal with. I think he understands what's going to happen and how to handle her, but coping with it himself as a whole still may be a bit of an issue, especially with the whole distanc between them. And also being the youngest, he doesnt have as many memories of the good old days as his brothers and sisters. Plus, because his siblings are so much older, they are all married, and have children already. I think the fact that by the time he becomes a father she may not be able to remember who they are when she sees them and wont be able to enjoy them as babies or growing up.


    He's coming back from visiting them in a day or two. He told me just before he left so we've not really had a chance to sit down and talk about it properly. I guess when he's back it'll be easier to talk about her as there'll be another reason to talk about her than just because of the illness.
     
  9. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    Tiggy,

    I think you're absolutely right that your boyfriend will need time to come to terms with his Mum's diagnosis. I was recommended to lookat the AS web site when my Dad was diagnosed, but it took me 2 months to pluck up the courage.

    If I were you I would get as much information as I could, but not force it on your boyfriend until he is ready.
     

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