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New here, and I feel terrible

Angie29

New member
Mar 7, 2021
1
0
Hi, I’m Angie from Birmingham I’m 46. I am a full time carer to my twin son Thomas 22 he has severe autism and learning difficulties he’s non verbal and still in nappies. I’ve also been looking after my mom Sandra 76 she had always suffered with mental health and was sectioned when she was in her 40s, last Thursday I was told she has middle stage vascular dementia her short term memory is terrible but long term is good she had a severe subdural Haematoma 16 years ago they didn’t think she’d survive but thankfully she did, they are thinking this vascular dementia is more than likely down to this, right now she lives alone her house is perfect does all her own washing and things like that, but she constantly asks the same things over and over, forgets how to use remotes and telephone but then at other times she is fine, I do feel guilty that before I knew she was unwell all I did was shout at her or put the phone down, now I know I’m going to do all I can to help her but having a son that is disabled I feel overwhelmed and scared, I don’t want to let either of them down, I am lucky my twin daughter is fantastic with her brother but she’s at university and I don’t want to rely on her too much. Sorry for the rant ☹️🌹
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,964
0
N Ireland
Hello @Angie29 you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place. There is no need to apologise for your post

I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. There is also a Dementia Guide in the list.


Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
64,239
0
69
Dundee
Welcome to the forum @Angie29.

Please don’t apologise - there is no way you are ranting. Your situation is incredibly difficult and there’s little wonder you’re overwhelmed and scared.

I see that Pete has given you some links to have a look at and I thought that this one might also help you deal with communicating with your mum -


I
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
64,239
0
69
Dundee
Oops! Cross posted with Pete!

Please consider yourself in all of this as I think you may be heading for carer breakdown.

If you have a contact with a social worker for either your son or your mother I think it would be a good idea to talk things through with them - mention the words carer breakdown. I’m not sure what help they might be able to provide but I think the discussion needs to be had.

I’m glad you’ve found the forum. Keep posting.
 

Louise7

Volunteer Host
Mar 25, 2016
2,989
0
Hello @Angie29 and welcome from me too. You have a lot on your plate so it's not surprising that you feel overwhelmed at the moment but you have nothing to feel guilty about. Has your mum had a care needs assessment from social services? She may not need too much help at the moment with practical things but getting her on social services 'radar' and seeing what help is available will hopefully be helpful as things progress. The local authority can also provide you with a carers assessment to ensure that you have the support that you need too. Details of the assessment process are in this factsheet which you may find helpful: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/dementia-care-needs-assessment

The Dementia Connect support service will also offer help and advice and put you in touch with local support services: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementiaconnect
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
9,122
0
leicester
Hi @Angie29 and welcome from me also

You have been given good advice by the previous posters, I think you now need to see what help is available you cannot do it all on your own no one can and carer breakdown will be a step to far..

I hope now you have found the forum you will continue to post for support
 

father ted

Registered User
Aug 16, 2010
723
0
London
Welcome Angie29,

You have been given good advice. So follow up on that. I would contact Social Services for help. They move very slowly and more so now there is a pandemic.
I suspect with your son’s issues you already have contact with Social Services and also perhaps services that he accessed before may now be suspended and you feel more under pressure.
From your description of how your Mum is you all may manage to continue a little longer but things can and will change at a point in the future so don’t leave yourself unprepared.

Good Luck, also don’t feel guilty about how you acted before you were aware of what was happening and you shared your story- you didn’t rant!
 

Adoralan

Registered User
Mar 2, 2021
49
0
Hi @Angie29,
Wow, you really do have a lot to cope with. Reading the stories of some of the people on this forum I am awestruck at how so many people are dealing with multiple issues all at once. I am sure you will find a lot of understanding, good advice and support here. Please do ask for help locally and make sure you make time for looking after yourself. Who cares for the carers?