Hi,
I just wanted to say hello and I guess no one really wants to join these groups but they are here and I'm at a loss.
My mother has been showing signs for over a year now. She refuses to go to the memory clinic or the fall clinic. The GP has been disgusting and it was only yesterday we thought we had a bit of a breakthrough as I took dad to the GP about my mum. He felt he was betraying her as she didn't know. She's extremely controlling and has mental health issues anyway, that's without adding on a very traumatic childhood that she had to deal with. I also believe she would have been diagnosed with autism if she was younger.
So dad has bad health, in fact we all do. I live next door with my hubby who is also disabled but works full time. My kids are grown but also have disabilities. My physical disabilities mean I literally can't care for her or dad but she refuses to have help in. She refuses for anything but what she wants and she gives my dad a hard time. They use to be nicknamed Jack and Vera but this has a more sinister side since dad retired.
Although we had already discussed all of this and how we would work forward father's day was a nightmare. She went for my husband but I was quicker thankfully to stop her. I saw she wasn't right and guarded her hands like I did when nursing dementia patients at the hospital. She then wrapped her hands around me and dug her very long nails in all whilst shouting that I was hurting her. We calmed her down and I called for an ambulance 7 times and got ignored. Still haven't heard anything job from them!
I had to teach out the my sister who I hadn't spoken to in 2 yrs for my own mental health's and I'm epileptic so have to keep seizures at bay. We spoke for over 2 hours and it seems we've been on the same page for the past year and had the same concerns. She lives abroad and I know she can't do anything apart from what she's doing. My other two siblings have not contacted my dad or mum, I get excuses that they have 'thier own demons' and 'she's got autistic kids' excuse all the time. Now I have autistic kids and it's hard but I've been my mums carer since I was young and moved out. I never used it as an excuse. I had 3 kids under 4 and when she had her heart attack I did the running round of my single siblings. I know I have anger towards them but to be honest I just want them to help my parents.
My dad isn't like the man who has always been my best friend. He's beaten down and he has no friends. He's not allowed out or even to mine for a cup of coffee. He admitted to me she was abusive to him and then he showed me scars on his arms, which was what got me into safeguarding for my father to keep them both safe. He feels he is betraying her having these conversations with doctors and me behind her back but he knows all hell will break loose if she knows but he knows this has to stop and he has to help her.
I'm just at a loss of what to do, I've reached out to some organisations and dealt with one lovely GP but the one today was another level of ignorance. She asked me what she should do and as a disabled person who has had to fight for everything, that was the wrong question.
I've seen mam and suggested I do a manicure and paint her nails as she use to do it but for me it's to clip her claws in a way she won't react. She will do things if I do it with her but I don't have the health to do what she needs. I would care for her full time if I wasn't disabled and had major health issues. I feel lost, numb and angry. I have beautiful grown kids who are so loving and caring and a wonderful husband but they don't know what my mam can be like in her worse ways as I've protected them.
Sorry for what seems like a ramble but I don't know what else to do ??
I just wanted to say hello and I guess no one really wants to join these groups but they are here and I'm at a loss.
My mother has been showing signs for over a year now. She refuses to go to the memory clinic or the fall clinic. The GP has been disgusting and it was only yesterday we thought we had a bit of a breakthrough as I took dad to the GP about my mum. He felt he was betraying her as she didn't know. She's extremely controlling and has mental health issues anyway, that's without adding on a very traumatic childhood that she had to deal with. I also believe she would have been diagnosed with autism if she was younger.
So dad has bad health, in fact we all do. I live next door with my hubby who is also disabled but works full time. My kids are grown but also have disabilities. My physical disabilities mean I literally can't care for her or dad but she refuses to have help in. She refuses for anything but what she wants and she gives my dad a hard time. They use to be nicknamed Jack and Vera but this has a more sinister side since dad retired.
Although we had already discussed all of this and how we would work forward father's day was a nightmare. She went for my husband but I was quicker thankfully to stop her. I saw she wasn't right and guarded her hands like I did when nursing dementia patients at the hospital. She then wrapped her hands around me and dug her very long nails in all whilst shouting that I was hurting her. We calmed her down and I called for an ambulance 7 times and got ignored. Still haven't heard anything job from them!
I had to teach out the my sister who I hadn't spoken to in 2 yrs for my own mental health's and I'm epileptic so have to keep seizures at bay. We spoke for over 2 hours and it seems we've been on the same page for the past year and had the same concerns. She lives abroad and I know she can't do anything apart from what she's doing. My other two siblings have not contacted my dad or mum, I get excuses that they have 'thier own demons' and 'she's got autistic kids' excuse all the time. Now I have autistic kids and it's hard but I've been my mums carer since I was young and moved out. I never used it as an excuse. I had 3 kids under 4 and when she had her heart attack I did the running round of my single siblings. I know I have anger towards them but to be honest I just want them to help my parents.
My dad isn't like the man who has always been my best friend. He's beaten down and he has no friends. He's not allowed out or even to mine for a cup of coffee. He admitted to me she was abusive to him and then he showed me scars on his arms, which was what got me into safeguarding for my father to keep them both safe. He feels he is betraying her having these conversations with doctors and me behind her back but he knows all hell will break loose if she knows but he knows this has to stop and he has to help her.
I'm just at a loss of what to do, I've reached out to some organisations and dealt with one lovely GP but the one today was another level of ignorance. She asked me what she should do and as a disabled person who has had to fight for everything, that was the wrong question.
I've seen mam and suggested I do a manicure and paint her nails as she use to do it but for me it's to clip her claws in a way she won't react. She will do things if I do it with her but I don't have the health to do what she needs. I would care for her full time if I wasn't disabled and had major health issues. I feel lost, numb and angry. I have beautiful grown kids who are so loving and caring and a wonderful husband but they don't know what my mam can be like in her worse ways as I've protected them.
Sorry for what seems like a ramble but I don't know what else to do ??