New Diagnosis

[Nash56]

My mum was diagnosed yesterday.

She was discharged from hospital this morning and is now back in her own home, where she wanted to be. She was so aggressive towards me which I felt was so unfair. She had fall just over a week ago and bumped her head. She deteriorated quickly but then got back to her old self, confused, but able. For over a week I visited all day every day at hospital (a round trip of 50 miles), cancelled a holiday, had to get cover for my business, did her washing, shopping and cleaning. And today when I got her home she was vile to me. I felt so angry I had to leave (my brother was with her too, he stayed). I know its because of her diagnosis, but I was mad - now I feel so guilty. I hate this. Its not helped by the fact that two years ago to the day, I brought my husband of 40 years home from the same hospital and he died from cancer two weeks later - I hate Christmas. What do I do? I dont know if I can cope with this situation, everything seems to have happened so quickly.

 

[memaggie2]

Its Bad time of year for so many people , try to look after yourself ,there is only so much you can do and knowing why your Mum is being nasty doesn't make it feel any better . Its so unfair when you have done so much ,but as you say its not your mum but the condition thats to blame. What can you do ? try to grow another skin, if its just you shes nasty to ,as hurtful as it is you may not be the best person to give regular care, If shes regularly aggressive medication from the GP may help. Also look for triggers that start your mum off being unpleasant , trying not to argue or disagree isn't easy but will only makes things worse .

I'm so sorry about your husband, of course you are grieving (for your husband and your Mum ) at least it (Christmas ) will be over in a few days . Try to look after yourself and put yourself first

 

[lin1]

Hello Nash, Welcome to TP.
Though I am sorry you had to find us.
Sorry to hear about your Husband , it is not an easy time of year for you.

I agree knowing it is the disease and not your mum doesn't make it any easier, it still hurts a lot.
It could be stress and confusion caused by coming home that caused it.

One thing I noticed with my Mum who had AD and Vascular Dementia (VaD) was a lack of empathy and seemed to become very selfish, Which was most unlike her .

It is real hard to see and cope with the changes this horrid disease causes.
You did right by leaving mum when you did, rowing with her would have only made her worse and caused you to be even more distressed than you already are.
XXX

 

[lin1]

Hi me again
Meant to say , hopefully it won't but if the aggression continues , contact the Dr mum is under don't suffer in silence.

Their is an old thread on here about Compassionate communication which you may find helpful.
It is not an easy act to follow , my halo slipped round my ankles many a time.
Sadly like most things with Dementia nothing works all the time.

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired