new diagnosis

[Grannie G]

Driving

For a long time driver to have to stop is not only traumatic, but one more nail in the coffin of their precious independence.

Nevertheless, should they cause an accident, we the carers, would never forgive ourselves.

My husband lost his ability to judge the width of the car and had a few accidents with wing mirrors. Then I sensed he was very nervous either in narrow streets or driving past parked cars.

He was convinced his driving was safe, after all, he`d been driving for over 40 years, without an accident, but I was at my wit`s end.

I asked our son to start `borrowing` our car. My husband would never refuse to help him out if he was in a fix. The `borrowing` became for longer and longer periods, and each time the car was returned, my husband found he had lost more and more confidence.

Eventually, he told our son he could keep the car as we could manage without it.
The relief was tremendous.

Now I shop `on-line` and we take advantage of the free transport and go everywhere by bus. If the bus isn`t suitable, we get a taxi. My husband is delighted, as we are saving so much money not having the running expenses of a car, and I don`t know if others have found it, but money is another issue regarding AD sufferers holding on to their independence.

Grannie G

 

[bel]

Driving with Ad

It is very hard for them and us but if it is of any help and i am still learning wish i wasnt
it is up to us no matter how painful to stop them after approx 6 months of hubby not driving HE HAS TO PUT CAR IN GARAGE AT NIGHT does not matter that he occasionaly takes bits off car he says oh well i have not found the answer but for me side stepping and making excuses helps
As long as down the line like my hubby they dont get a bike thank God i have managed so far to side step why he should not be on it i would never of beleived i could do this sort of deceipt
Love Bel x

 

[bett]

Am I the only one that feels lost>

Since my Dad was diagnosed last year, I just feel so alone, even though I have been married fro over 30 years, I just don't feel that my husband knows what I am feeling, I have recently lost my Mum to cancer, and the last thing I promised her was that I would care for Dad.......and I just can't do it without upsetting my husband, I feel so torn between the two of them Dad needs me, but then I'm told that a holiday has been booked as a "surprise" for the 2 of us...great! But what about Dad when I'm not here??

 

[Kayla]

Holiday

I think if your husband booked a holiday as a "surprise" for you, he probably felt that you deserved a break after caring for your Mum while she had cancer, and now you are taking on responsibility for your Dad. If there are no relations or friends to keep an eye on your Dad, then maybe Social Services could make a suggestion or arrange respite care. Take advantage of the kind thought and then return home feeling refreshed and more able to cope with your Dad's needs. If you don't take care of your self, then everybody in your family will suffer when you become ill. Your husband needs you as well, and if you give him some of your time on holiday, he will be more willing to support you when you are caring for your Dad.
Kayla

 

[Lila13]

I don't think people should make or expect "last promises". The person who is dying doesn't know what the survivors might have to cope with.

Promising to "care for Dad" shouldn't mean having to do 100% of the caring full-time without a break.

 

[Amy]

Hiya Bett,
Welcome to TP. No you are not alone in feeling that you are alone. I think no matter how good a marriage is, we don't fully get inside our partners feelings, nor they ours. Plus I think that we all handle things differently. My friends on TP have more insight into how I am feeling about my mother's illness than my husband has - and that is not a reflection on him.
How is your father - how progressed is his illness? Is he able to cope on his own whilst you are on holiday? Are there other family members who can take on the caring role whilst you are on holiday? If you can tell us a little more about dad's condition, then people will be able to give suggestions.
Bett, you are not alone anymore. TP is like an extended family - and mainly we do understand, as we are , or have encountered similar problems to your own. So once again, welcome.
Love Helen

 

[carol]

Hello Bett,

I see you are from Farnborough, Hants. Do you know about the Alzheimers Cafe that they hold in Farnborough, St. Peters Parish Centre, Church Ave. The next meeting is on Friday 15th September at 7.30pm it is an informal evening, tea, coffee etc. a Professional gives a talk about Alzheimers/Dementia the meeting on 15th September is the start of a monthly rolling programme. All sorts of people attend, carers, sufferers, friends/relations, professionals.

Best wishes.

Carol

 

[Lynnby]

driving

Hello everyone,
I have not posted for a while, I just thought I'd put you up to date with my dad.
He has had his licence revoked by the DVLA, without any assessment! I presumme the GP must have wrote a report? but in a way I'm glad. I think if he had failed the test, it would have been more upsetting, now he just thinks its red tape!!
He is doing quite well on the Aricept, and is definately more able to hold a resonable conversation, strangers might not even notice his reptativeness, and just think he is a friendly sole, which he is!!
We just took my mum and dad on a family trip to Rome, it was wonderful, they waltzed in the street to a buscar playing "bridge over troubled water" by Paul Simons, and a crowd of young italian couples clapped and bowed the 'El Grande'.He can't stop talking about it since we returned. I feel I have given him such a wonderful gift of such a deep and strong memory, I hope it lasts a while!
They have a lovely new automatic car, which mum now loves to drive, and he's getting used to the idea that he's not going to be able to drive and starting to enjoy the benifits of a chauffer, especially on social occassions, when there is no longer the debate about who can have a glass of wine and who will drive !!
thank you for your support, it is really so hard wen you just get a diagnosis, and I know that even though things are on a level at the moment, I will need your advice and support even more as thing change.

 

[Amy]

Thank you Lynnby,
It is so good to hear when things are going well.
Love Helen

 

[sunny]

Driving

Hi, I have just been reading the posts here, this is a very serious issue, the driving should be stopped when a diagnosis is given for the sake of the general public. I know its really tough on somebody's independence but the roads are so fast now that you really need to have all your concentration. If one of my family was injured by a driver and I found out the driver had been diagnosed previously with dementia I would be really cross. My mum has vas.d. and her orientation
(knowing which direction left /right) has been severely affected so she cannot be the only one. Yes, I do have bags of sympathy for the person not being able to drive, but they will never make the right decision it will have to be made for them!