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New diagnosis one week on

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by sammyb, Sep 25, 2007.

  1. sammyb

    sammyb Registered User

    Sep 19, 2007
    126
    Nottingham
    Thank you to everyone who replied to my 'New Diagnosis' thread. I was so moved that people felt it important enough to reply to me. Thank you so very much for your kind thoughts and suggestions.

    Here I am, one week on from the diagnosis. It is 3 in the morning and I have yet to go to bed but I suspect you all know about sleepless nights. Whether it is the new diagnosis which makes me see my husband's illness so differently I don't know. He was, and still is, being treated for depression in hospital and, as a consequence, I thought he might at least get a bit better. As yet there has been no suggestion for treatment of his AD. His deterioration appears to have progressed at a pace. 5 months ago I thought he was OK psychologically - not going out much and a bit down (or so I thought) with the back pain which resulted in the three lots of surgery during a three week period. But I suspect the trauma of the operations and the subsequent medical procedures just magnified the underlying AD. I am still so desperately upset that I misinterpreted the signs because I was convinced that his back problems of so many years were at the bottom of everything.

    With the exception of breakfast he wont eat the hospital food so I go in twice a day to 'feed' him. He says he can't eat 'bits' so I take in sieved fortified soups and he has ice cream, mousses, mashed bananas etc and the obligatory fortisips. 7 weeks ago he was eating with a knife and fork and now he sometimes can't or wont feed himself even with a spoon. He accepts being spoon fed by me or a care assistant. If I'd said 6 months ago that today I would have been spoon feeding him he would have laughed it off as ridiculous. Due to his back problems his walking hasn't been good and now sometimes he wont walk at all because he says he can't yet at other times (even minutes later) he just gets up and takes himself down the hospital corridor unaided and supported. Sometimes he'll stand when asked but at others he sticks his feet out in front of him and refuses to budge. Sometimes he can find his way to the toilet and sometimes he 'freezes' in a doorway because he can't 'understand the space' - his words. Sometimes he is all but silent when I am with him but then speaks in long and decisive sentences when he doesn't want me to stay with him at the hospital any longer that visit. I don't understand what is happening because sometimes the hospital staff say 'he's come up a bit today' meaning his depression has lifted temporarily yet all I see is a massive deterioration in his basic life skills and I don't know how to help him at all. The only constructive things I seem able to do are prepare his soups and feed him and make sure his clothes are clean and ironed.
     
  2. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Dear Sammy,
    I am sorry you are finding things so difficult and it will take you time to absorb and adjust to what is happening. I found acceptance the only way forward there is no point in beating yourself up you can't change what is, even though I know how desperately you'll love to. At present I think all you can do for now is to continue on with your already caring, supportive ways. I truly hope that you soon see some improvement. Regards Taffy.
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,719
    Kent
    Dear Sammy.

    A week is such a short time to come to terms with such a devastating diagnosis, if indeed you are ever able to come to terms with it.

    And the fact your husband is in hospital, in itself takes him away from you.

    Any treatment for his depression, in my own experience with my husband, takes a good while to Kick in and at times it`s difficult to identify which symptoms are caused by depression and which by dementia.

    You can only continue as you are doing, by finding the few ways you can help him, and concentrating on them.

    I can see how painful it is for you.

    Take care

    Love xx
     
  4. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    I am glad you could update us on how things are for you. It must be hell seeing this deterioration happen so quickly. But then sometimes I see my husband's going down so so slowly - it is hard to know what is worst. In fact it is all terrible.

    You are doing your utmost and that is all you can do. I hope medication soon kicks in to help the depression and maybe then it will be a little easier. The trouble is very often depression goes along with the 'dementia'.

    Have you had an Alz diagnosis or are they not to certain yet? There are so many other forms of dementia and each one may need different treatment.

    It is a very hard time for you - I do hope you get some comfort and help here on TP - post as often as you wish just to let your feelings go.

    Best wishes Jan
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi sammy

    I could have written this part of your post word for word about my husband. A month ago he sat at table and ate a three course meal withouit any problems when his cousins came to visit. A month ago he walked a mile every morning.

    Now? Exactly the same as your husband. This is the result of an infection in his case, and he's not showing any signs of returning to where he was. He's going to have to go into NH because of his lack of mobility and co-operation.

    It's devastating that the decline can be so fast, although we've been lucky and have had seven good years since diagnosis.

    I sympathise with how you are feeling, it's so hard to come to terms with. Please let us know how you get on.

    Love,
     

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