New description for 'host /hostess mode'

[AbbyGee]

I'm on a Facebook group for Dem / Alz carers.
I've recently read 'SHOWTIME' as a description of what I've only previously heard call host / hostess mode.
I think SHOWTIME is actually more descriptive and maybe easier for 'outsiders' to understand.
The best description I've found is
"The ability (probably sub-conscious) to be able to suppress the symptoms of dementia for short periods of time when social occasions demand it. Usually this is in the presence of authority figures, medical staff and relatives who they do not see often. It takes a great deal of mental effort, can only be maintained for short periods of time (which gets less as the dementia progresses) and leaves them exhausted afterwards."
I wish I could send this description to the new bright young GP we've been allocated to who seems to think that all is sunny and well and I really, really don't need to accompany my OH into the surgery, and insists on hitting him with rapid fire questions.

 

[Hayley JS]

Why don't you send it in in a letter form, sounds like your Dr may not be too familiar with dementia. Does your surgery have an Admiral nurse your OH could be referred too.... Hang on, aren't you meant to be stepping back from the carers role having had your OH returned to you by his wrong minded son? Your very welcome to flee here dear, we can drink wine till 4am or you've finished the housework (re wide awake thread) whichever knocks you out sooner ? xx

 

[Agzy]

I'm on a Facebook group for Dem / Alz carers.
I've recently read 'SHOWTIME' as a description of what I've only previously heard call host / hostess mode.
I think SHOWTIME is actually more descriptive and maybe easier for 'outsiders' to understand.
The best description I've found is
"The ability (probably sub-conscious) to be able to suppress the symptoms of dementia for short periods of time when social occasions demand it. Usually this is in the presence of authority figures, medical staff and relatives who they do not see often. It takes a great deal of mental effort, can only be maintained for short periods of time (which gets less as the dementia progresses) and leaves them exhausted afterwards."
I wish I could send this description to the new bright young GP we've been allocated to who seems to think that all is sunny and well and I really, really don't need to accompany my OH into the surgery, and insists on hitting him with rapid fire questions.

I so agree we need a new word for this phenomenon as when her sons deign to phone or, even rarely visit she is fine and so they think all is comfy and well in my life and smile believing they are not needed and when I mention help just ignore me. Maybe showtime is a bit glitzy but cant think of another alternative.

 

[canary]

Ive come across the term Showtiming on American boards - it seems to be their word for the phenomenon - but it doesnt seem to be an "official" phrase.

It really needs proper research to prove it exists. Anyone who has cared for a person with dementia knows and recognises the phenomenon, but all of this is considered "anecdotal" to the medical establishment.

 

[Sarasa]

I think both terms 'showtime' and 'hostess/host mode' are useful at explaining the sort of behaviour that people with dementia can put on.
When mum was at home I had an occupational therapist from the memory clinic visit her to look at ways of making her home save and also checking on her mental state (mum refused point blank to attend the clinic). Mum was very charming and chatty to the lady, and though it was obvious to me that a lot of what she said was a confabulation of various things, for someone that didn't know mum it sort of sounded credible.
After the lady left we went out for a coffee and mum said 'I think I've done enough to get them off my back.' I found that an interesting statement, as mum was obviously aware that things weren't quite right, but it was something she wasn't going to and didn't want to address.
BTW the OT wasn't fooled, though I think she probably underestimated how far along mum was at that stage.

 

[Weasell]

I would support any words that help communicate.
My only observation is that our culture and that of our friends across the pond are different.
Showtime is a word to me that conjures up extrovert behaviour.
Hostess is something you become when the vicar comes to tea.
Language and culture change with time. I suspect the next generation of people with dementia could well be ‘show timers’ but the model snoozing in bed at the moment is definitely a hostess !

 

[Weasell]

Ive come across the term Showtiming on American boards - it seems to be their word for the phenomenon - but it doesnt seem to be an "official" phrase.

It really needs proper research to prove it exists. Anyone who has cared for a person with dementia knows and recognises the phenomenon, but all of this is considered "anecdotal" to the medical establishment.

Do you have any theories? I had wondered about the effect of a rush of adrenaline on the brain?

 

[canary]

Do you have any theories?

My own personal theory (for which I have absolutely no proof) is that it is the remains of an ancient survival mechanism. In many animals (particularly social animals in herds, flocks etc) there is the need to not show any weakness or the others in the herd, flock etc, will turn on you. Ive seen this referred to on programs like The Secret Life of The Zoo.

I have also seen slides showing the affect of dementia on the brain (Teepa Snow has done a good presentation) which shows that there is atrophy and declining function in the brain - except for one part; the amygdala, which go into overdrive. These structures deal with emotional memory (and we all know that remains unaffected) but also deal with survival. It seems likely to me, then, that this phenomenon is related to survival, but this is not proof.

 

[Sarasa]

I do hope someone does do some detailed research into this sometime, as it is a fascinating phenomena. My mum could carry it off quite well for a long time, and she is very much a 'showtime 'sort of person. When she did it with me, it always felt like I was speaking to someone with a good command of a foreign language that they hadn't used for a while. Everything mum said was grammatically correct, and if you ignored the fact she mashed various stories together made sense. However I always got the feeling she was carefully considering what she needed to say as you would do if you weren't speaking your native language.

 

[Weasell]

Such an interesting subject.
I love your ‘don’t be the limping gazelle’ theory, it makes perfect sense!
I would like a ‘menu ‘ of theories but I suspect it doesn't exist.
Also I don’t see how anyone will make huge profits out of research? Which is such a stumbling block! Add to this the financial ramifications of Covid!
Showtime and hostess/host could be ‘old hat’ terms before it gets proved !

 

[AbbyGee]

Hang on, aren't you meant to be stepping back from the carers role having had your OH returned to you by his wrong minded son?

Not me, hunny.

 

[Hayley JS]

Not me, hunny.

??

 

[Maddiebd]

I'm on a Facebook group for Dem / Alz carers.
I've recently read 'SHOWTIME' as a description of what I've only previously heard call host / hostess mode.
I think SHOWTIME is actually more descriptive and maybe easier for 'outsiders' to understand.
The best description I've found is
"The ability (probably sub-conscious) to be able to suppress the symptoms of dementia for short periods of time when social occasions demand it. Usually this is in the presence of authority figures, medical staff and relatives who they do not see often. It takes a great deal of mental effort, can only be maintained for short periods of time (which gets less as the dementia progresses) and leaves them exhausted afterwards."
I wish I could send this description to the new bright young GP we've been allocated to who seems to think that all is sunny and well and I really, really don't need to accompany my OH into the surgery, and insists on hitting him with rapid fire questions.

That is absolutely brilliant.

 

[Ails]

I'm on a Facebook group for Dem / Alz carers.
I've recently read 'SHOWTIME' as a description of what I've only previously heard call host / hostess mode.
I think SHOWTIME is actually more descriptive and maybe easier for 'outsiders' to understand.
The best description I've found is
"The ability (probably sub-conscious) to be able to suppress the symptoms of dementia for short periods of time when social occasions demand it. Usually this is in the presence of authority figures, medical staff and relatives who they do not see often. It takes a great deal of mental effort, can only be maintained for short periods of time (which gets less as the dementia progresses) and leaves them exhausted afterwards."
I wish I could send this description to the new bright young GP we've been allocated to who seems to think that all is sunny and well and I really, really don't need to accompany my OH into the surgery, and insists on hitting him with rapid fire questions.

Hi, I wondered if I was being silly when I noticed this behaviour in my husband. He seemed to be ‘with it’ for periods of time when in company or speaking to anyone. I’ll read a bit more about it. At least I’m not imagining things (even though folk think I am).

 

[canary]

No, you are not being silly at all @Ails . Unless you have seen it you would not believe it.. Its the most annoying phenomenon ever. What happens is that you tell the family, or the doctor, what its like, family come to visit/your person with dementia goes for an appointment and suddenly they perk up and do things that they havent been able to for months. Family/doctor thinks they are fine and you are exaggerating, they go away and you are left picking up the pieces with a tired, grumpy person and wondering whether you are going mad.

 

[Weasell]

My mother hostesses so well that if I were to attend an important appointment with a GP I would write and give them some ‘test’ questions to use on my mother.
Last time the GP choose ‘ do you ever sleep in the daytime’?
’Oh no says mother, I never sleep in the day’
It was so funny watching the doctors lips twitch with suppressed laughter.
( Yeah the over nineties never nap in the day do they)????

 

[Banjomansmate]

I would watch The Banjoman stand in his flat completely lost, with no idea where the kitchen or bathroom were yet when the Social Worker came to assess him he was able to show her where the kitchen was without the slightest hesitation , I stood there open mouthed!
Several weeks later, after he had been in hospital, I arranged for her to visit unexpectedly and she was surprised at how much he had deteriorated when she found him wandering around looking for his clothes, with no idea where anything was. I had to tell her that this was his normal state and there was little difference between before and after the hospital stay.

 

[Dimpsy]

My own personal theory (for which I have absolutely no proof) is that it is the remains of an ancient survival mechanism. In many animals (particularly social animals in herds, flocks etc) there is the need to not show any weakness or the others in the herd, flock etc, will turn on you. Ive seen this referred to on programs like The Secret Life of The Zoo.

I have also seen slides showing the affect of dementia on the brain (Teepa Snow has done a good presentation) which shows that there is atrophy and declining function in the brain - except for one part; the amygdala, which go into overdrive. These structures deal with emotional memory (and we all know that remains unaffected) but also deal with survival. It seems likely to me, then, that this phenomenon is related to survival, but this is not proof.

Hi @canary, it makes perfect sense to me. We've all had times when we've been on our 'best behaviour' for whatever reason and you know inside you are portraying yourself in a different light to how you normally are.
And its a huge relief when we can become our real selves again!

 

[AbbyGee]

My only observation is that our culture and that of our friends across the pond are different.
Showtime is a word to me that conjures up extrovert behaviour.
Hostess is something you become when the vicar comes to tea.

'SHOWTIME!' in great big flashing neon upper case letter is deffo my OH when it happens. He reverts to the confident, quick witted, self-assured, teasing and joking jolly old Jack Tar of years gone past.

We've entertained vicars, and even a Bishop on one occasion, and although my OH may have been the host he certainly did it in his own inimitable style. ?

 

[Triffid]

Makes my dads behaviour make so much sense, (whatever you call it). I thought it was just him! He comes across as very articulate and funny but can only maintain it for a 1/2 hr or so....