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new care worker allocated starting all over again Advise needed bullet point in post

Fiona P

Registered User
Dec 14, 2014
Good evening

Today I made contact with my dads new care worker
we are really struggling right now, dad seems to have taken a real dip.. Sundowning yesterday resulting in him on phone asking me to take him home.. he was at home !
I drove round ( rush hour) he was delighted to see me.. Mum 80yrs old distressed!

I took them both out - driving round town in rush hour leaving my 6 year old at home and her and daddy trying to do dinner, reading, packed lunches, walk dogs etc! - eventually I pulled back on dad's drive ( Mum furious she was out in the dark!) - him delighted, settled and oblivious to what had gone before

We reached tipping point some time back - Last April mum in hospital with chest pains - anxiety related. me nearly squashed by a bus, dad pulled me infront of... we have persevered. 9 years since diagnosis - mum has done a great job with no intervention from authorities just her and me and family.

respite started septemberr and we were allowed another in December.. Feb is next scheduled date

We need more, Mum gets no sleep now due to restless, agressive wanting to go home talk from dad. in the early evening to early hours

I have a Care worker coming out to assess dad next week ( Again ) Wed 14th Jan 1600hrs 4th assessment - due to change of staff

Things have progressed now with Dad and we feel more care is needed, mum is refusing home help and we are now looking at a full care home residency scenario in the near future and until then , respite.

The new social worker said today “ to warn me, she has to listen to what dad wants” if dad wants to stay at “Home” .... so it is

I disagreed with this because his sundowning has got to a point that he says, even when at home now, “he wants to go home”... so where is home? My analogy to this is;

To a dementia sufferer home is just a word, home could be anywhere. It is, in essence, a place or time where the patient felt no confusion”

home - that could be anywhere;
a tenement building long since pulled down
a surf shack on a outer atoll in the Indian ocean
a multiple of houses one has once resided in and so on

her statement has put my back up a bit and I’m unsure of the legalities behind “what your father wants” taking a precedence

mum and me are exhausted
I keep telling the social worker its supposed to be about budgets its supposed to be need related - I might have threaten S/S that i'll pack his bag and leave him in council offices for someone to do whats right ( of course I wont )

when he goes into respite they will be taking all his pension and benefits I just dont understand the _ what he wants bit!

Help !!!

Fiona P

Registered User
Dec 14, 2014
hi Fiona, why is your Mum refusing more help?
The worse time is at night... Mum and dad have always been private Low key people. Having a stranger in the house at night is not something I can talk her into... I've mentioned about cross roads and a cleaner etc...... She is 80, set in her ways,

I visit every day, I do jobs, I drive them if a bus isn't available......

I need to know if this .....sOcial services saying " We have to do what dad say" intrigues me... I mean... We've asked for nothing for 9 years, now when we need them....!
My mums health and well being is effected, so what obligation do SS have to hear?

I read something today about ss attitudes towards care. It said something like " it's not that we don't know it's because it's not told to us" referring to information given freely about entitlements.

Frustrated and at end of tether, fell I'm doing it all alone and as a mum to a lively 6 yr old I'm torn with time working and doing a ou degree course as well as fighting a battle with SS:(

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