I have just registered and I don't even know, whether I am hysterically making a mount out of a molehill, or whether my fear is justified.
I am afraid that my mother (78) is 'loosing it'. I have not sought medical help yet, as I find it extremely difficult to come to terms with even thinking those thoughts.
It all began app. 4 years ago, when my mother had a very mild stroke with no apparent after effect. However, I noticed and eventually admitted to myself that there had been changes. She was always very active and as fit as a fiddle and most people would say that she is doing remarkably well for her age (still enjoys going for long walks, etc), but I noticed that she was first slowing down physically and all of a sudden started to look her age. She had always been bad at remembering names and this got worse over the next few years to the point that she cannot remember names of places, streets, etc. where she has lived for the past 40 years. Don't get me wrong, she does not become lost or confused about where she is. However, if we arrange to meet somewhere, I can guarantee that she won't be at the place we agreed on. Always having (in her mind) a very good reason as to why she wasn't there and if I get angry with her, having finally found her after searching for 1/2 hour or so, she blows up and accuses me of being unreasonable, suddenly I am the one who wasn't at the appointed place, etc. and eventually I have to apologize, because otherwise she will not talk to me for days (until I apologize).
However, it seemed to stabilize there and I thought this was only old age and I resigned myself to just having to deal with this.
Then over the last 6-12 months things have started to deteriorate.
She has started hiding money all over the place, despite the fact that she is a wealthy woman, she seems to be worried that she does not have enough money. She is as miserly as if she was on state pension alone.
She now forgets the most simple of words, which I have to fill in. She is becoming confused about everyday things, like switching on a washing maschine.
If something does not work instantly, she becomes all flustered and instead of trying again or trying to work out what is wrong (as she would have done 4 years ago) she calls me for help and of course expects me to drop everything, leave work just to explain to her that the vacuum cleaner does not work, because the plug is not in properly.
For this reason I convinced her to move closer to a bungalow in our street (without telling her the real reason). As there wasn't that much to move, I hired a man with a van to transport the larger items. Afterwards my mother could not find her silver cutlery set and instead of looking carefully through all the unpacked boxes, she immediately suggested that the man had stolen it (even though I transported all the boxes in my car) and wanted to go after him for it. I managed to calm her down and lo and behold within the next 2 days the 'stolen' silver appeared miraculously in one of the boxes. This sort of thing now happens frequently.
She is also forever looking for her keys, purse, handbag, etc.. I think she spends most of her day looking for things that is, if she is not totally engrossed in her day-time soaps. If one of those starts, she stops mid-conversation and stares at the TV totally mesmerized.
In the new bungalow she had problems with the patio door locking mechanism, so I explained it to her, made her use it repeatedly until I was sure that she could do it. 2 days later, she was having the same problem and she denied that we ever had this conversation before. This is something that is getting worse fast.
Naturally this means that in her mind I never help her and leave her to do everything by herself!
Right now, she is not talking to me because, I refused to engage a solicitor to put pressure on the previous owner of the bungalow. He is a professional developer and had put a new pre-fab concrete garage on the old slab and yes, it lets in damp at ground level and the grout between the flagstones he put down is flaking a bit. I told her that despite the fact that she is not happy with the quality of workmanship, she does not have any comeback, so therefore it is my fault now.
It does not matter that I worked myself ragged to organize the whole move, so she did not have to do anything but pack a few boxes. If I do not agree with her or go as far as expressing an opposing opinion, I am immediately at fault.
She flares up over little things and I have a job biting my tonge. Like a few months ago we disagreed on the arrangement of a piece of furniture in my parents house more years ago than I care to remember. She got really irate about it and in the end I said to her to forget it, as we could obviously not agree on this and for me this was the end of the conversation. She is now totally obsessed with this and brings it up at every opportunity.
She has changed in more ways, usually little things, that most people would not notice, but I do.
Could someone please tell me that this normal and I shouldn't worry?
I am afraid that my mother (78) is 'loosing it'. I have not sought medical help yet, as I find it extremely difficult to come to terms with even thinking those thoughts.
It all began app. 4 years ago, when my mother had a very mild stroke with no apparent after effect. However, I noticed and eventually admitted to myself that there had been changes. She was always very active and as fit as a fiddle and most people would say that she is doing remarkably well for her age (still enjoys going for long walks, etc), but I noticed that she was first slowing down physically and all of a sudden started to look her age. She had always been bad at remembering names and this got worse over the next few years to the point that she cannot remember names of places, streets, etc. where she has lived for the past 40 years. Don't get me wrong, she does not become lost or confused about where she is. However, if we arrange to meet somewhere, I can guarantee that she won't be at the place we agreed on. Always having (in her mind) a very good reason as to why she wasn't there and if I get angry with her, having finally found her after searching for 1/2 hour or so, she blows up and accuses me of being unreasonable, suddenly I am the one who wasn't at the appointed place, etc. and eventually I have to apologize, because otherwise she will not talk to me for days (until I apologize).
However, it seemed to stabilize there and I thought this was only old age and I resigned myself to just having to deal with this.
Then over the last 6-12 months things have started to deteriorate.
She has started hiding money all over the place, despite the fact that she is a wealthy woman, she seems to be worried that she does not have enough money. She is as miserly as if she was on state pension alone.
She now forgets the most simple of words, which I have to fill in. She is becoming confused about everyday things, like switching on a washing maschine.
If something does not work instantly, she becomes all flustered and instead of trying again or trying to work out what is wrong (as she would have done 4 years ago) she calls me for help and of course expects me to drop everything, leave work just to explain to her that the vacuum cleaner does not work, because the plug is not in properly.
For this reason I convinced her to move closer to a bungalow in our street (without telling her the real reason). As there wasn't that much to move, I hired a man with a van to transport the larger items. Afterwards my mother could not find her silver cutlery set and instead of looking carefully through all the unpacked boxes, she immediately suggested that the man had stolen it (even though I transported all the boxes in my car) and wanted to go after him for it. I managed to calm her down and lo and behold within the next 2 days the 'stolen' silver appeared miraculously in one of the boxes. This sort of thing now happens frequently.
She is also forever looking for her keys, purse, handbag, etc.. I think she spends most of her day looking for things that is, if she is not totally engrossed in her day-time soaps. If one of those starts, she stops mid-conversation and stares at the TV totally mesmerized.
In the new bungalow she had problems with the patio door locking mechanism, so I explained it to her, made her use it repeatedly until I was sure that she could do it. 2 days later, she was having the same problem and she denied that we ever had this conversation before. This is something that is getting worse fast.
Naturally this means that in her mind I never help her and leave her to do everything by herself!
Right now, she is not talking to me because, I refused to engage a solicitor to put pressure on the previous owner of the bungalow. He is a professional developer and had put a new pre-fab concrete garage on the old slab and yes, it lets in damp at ground level and the grout between the flagstones he put down is flaking a bit. I told her that despite the fact that she is not happy with the quality of workmanship, she does not have any comeback, so therefore it is my fault now.
It does not matter that I worked myself ragged to organize the whole move, so she did not have to do anything but pack a few boxes. If I do not agree with her or go as far as expressing an opposing opinion, I am immediately at fault.
She flares up over little things and I have a job biting my tonge. Like a few months ago we disagreed on the arrangement of a piece of furniture in my parents house more years ago than I care to remember. She got really irate about it and in the end I said to her to forget it, as we could obviously not agree on this and for me this was the end of the conversation. She is now totally obsessed with this and brings it up at every opportunity.
She has changed in more ways, usually little things, that most people would not notice, but I do.
Could someone please tell me that this normal and I shouldn't worry?