'New' and 'Nice' Memories

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Tender Face, Aug 7, 2006.

  1. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    I can't say that I'm anxious, concerned, sad, happy or even surprised ... yet thought this was worth sharing....

    Mum has suddenly told us about a significant 'episode' in her young life which she never has before ... I've heard all the angst about being evacuated, about her dad leaving, growing up in the Depression, etc etc etc ... this is around being 'sent from home' for convalesence ... but they seem to be 'nice' memories .... of being by the coast, of meeting new friends in similar circumstances.... the likes of which she hasn't shared before.... of returning home to a wonderful welcome for her own mother....

    My mother has been a very bitter person about her own past - I keep trying to see the 'pattern' which many describe here about dementia 'magnifying' traits - my mother is just not fitting that pattern..... she seems to be mellowing????!!!
    (Not that I'm complaining!)

    I am puzzled too that when I 'hear' so many people here anxious about depression (for themselves and their loved ones), my mum - who I would have always described as 'anxious and depressed' is becoming less so.... she seems to have completely forgotten my dad ... but is 'obsesssed' about current/recent events amongst neighbours... this doesn't seem to fit with much of the 'short-term' / 'long-term' memory stuff....

    Maybe there is a God, or whoever, whatever,who tells dementia to strike out the bad bits first????

    Oh, well, I should just be glad she seems happy (or at least settled).... just finding it all a bit odd........

    Just thoughts, love, Karen (TF), x
     
  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Just like my mum




    My mum was in a stage like that sharing those memories .


    I read that when a dramatic, tragic, thing happen in our life we are most likely remember it more in the future maybe in the pass your mum just keep it all in. now she sharing it with you like my mum did we me . also now my mum not forgotten I would say that my dad dead , more so rather not talk about it ,because it still makes her sad so she talks about finding a new boyfriend and does seem more mellow now then ever before
     
  3. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    My cousin was a GP and her husband was a surgeon

    they showed me 2 photos

    My aunt who was always a very sweet lady that i remember who became even sweeter in her "senile dementia years " and happily went into a care home

    My cousins MIL however was bitter and twisted and in her "senile dementia " years had to be dragged screaming and hanging on to door handles into a care home

    The pictures are christened Good and Evil

    and boy were they right
     
  4. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    Treasure the good moments!

    (None of the care homes I visited was willing to accept anyone who was going to be dragged in screaming. They wanted consent, or possibly people who weren't sufficiently conscious to complain.)

    Lila
     
  5. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    hi TF

    thanks for sharing your story, its nice to hear the "good times" as well as the "bad" times
    enjoy your mum, perhaps she's just forgotten about being bitter and your now seeing your real mum, :rolleyes:
    take care xx
     
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #6 Margarita, Aug 8, 2006
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2006
    Oh helena
    you do make me laugh

    What has Good and Evil got to do with someone dementia " years had to be dragged screaming and hanging on to door handles into a care home

    Good for her I would say lol why do you see the person as Evil she just did not want to go .

    So the other lady was a good Christen and went along happply and did not make every one life a liveing nightmare ...........
    what a way to go good for her lol sorry my humour
     
  7. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    my mum also grabs hold of doors and handles when we take her back to the ward after a walk but i wouldnt call her evil, in fact i dont blame her i wouldnt want to end up there either!! :eek:
     
  8. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Sorry folks but I interpret Helena's posting as good and evil being the two sides to dementia and in no way related to the individuals. How can anyone be labelled good or evil when they no longer have the benefit of rational thought and control over their feelings?

    Dick
     
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Now Dick



    That is a good way to look at it and totally right

    I would view when my mum has a bad day as a negative day when she has a good day I would say it’s a positive day
     
  10. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    I refrained from posting in reply and am grateful to DickG and Margarita for putting my thoughts into words.

    I know it is difficult to do and one has to be willing in the first place, but it is instructional to try and see life from the side of the person who has dementia.

    When we do, taking into account how their senses of comprehension, hearing, speech, mobility etc have been impaired, the behaviours are pretty rational.... in those circumstances.

    Of course, some people are genuinely nicer than the norm in their lifetimes, and others are not very nice, even to children, etc. and in such circumstances it must be very difficult not to read that into their dementia personae. Indeed the dementia may act as a sort of magnifying glass.

    Where people have been generally decent in their lives, and become really difficult when they have dementia, that is a measure of how hard their fight is with their condition and with their lives.

    ... in my opinion, of course...
     

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