new and distressed


Registered User
Dec 24, 2006
my gran had a major stroke at the end of july and was in hopital for 2 1/2 months ...she was didcarged home at begining of her main carer tho we do have people come in twice i day to help out with dressing and washing ...everything was going so well till last thursday her sister and neice took her out for the day and my gran refused to come home and started making alligations so they called social services ......anyway social services took her to a care home thursday night and she been there ever since...they said they had put her in a place of safty ......yet within the 1st 2 hours she had a fall shes bruised all down the side of her body and her face is a mess ...i wast alowed to see her till tuesday .....i spoke to the social worker and she told me my gran was fine.....she didnt even mention the fall when i went into see her tuesday i was so shoked at the state she was in ....she had dried food stains all down the front of her jumper and trousers ........she needs to be feed and assitsed to drink as she dosent know when she hungry and thirsty yet from what i witnessed so far they are leaving her to her own devices .......she was happy here but ive not seen her smile once since she been in that place shes depressed ......i was visiting yesterday had they had underessed her at 10 to 6 ready for bed ....she has no dignity in that place .......she could talk reasonable well her but her speach has gone right down hill .............the whole family have said shed be better off back home with me but social services are not listening .......when i go to visit her she keeps saying not here not here ....i asked her if she ment she didnt what to stay there and she said a definate yes........we have a meeting planned in the middle of january to decide on whats going to happen .......the social worker has told her neice that she would only be allowed home under certain conditions but the social worker wont tell me what those conditions are ...... my gran has no capacity to make her own decisions so when i asked the social worker what would happen she said it would be a family decision but im not sure they are going to listen to us ......can they make us leave her in there worried sick right now as i now my gran isnt being cared for as she should but when i raised my concerns with the social worker she said she was happy with the level of care my gran was reciving.......well the whole family isnt but no ones listening to us.....i just gont know what to do:(

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
Hi Ann-Marie

I'm sorry I don't have anything practical to suggest but so sympathise that you find yourself in this situation ... the middle of January must seem like a lifetime away.... I'm sure you'll find lots of advice and support will be along soon,

Love, Karen, x


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Ann- Marie,
So sorry to hear about your gran. Unfortunately, I doubt that there will be a lot that you can do with the authorities over the next few days, it will be down to you and the family to visit and try and make sure that she is comfortable as possible, and eating. Would it be possible for you/or other family members to be there some meal times?
I know how awful it is when our loved ones have a fall - the thing is that elderly people bruise very easily and it looks so dreadful. Does she seem to be in any pain?
Have you had a look at the CSCI report for the home that your gran is in? It would give you some idea whether other peole have had cause to complain about it?
Do write down your concerns. Keep a diary of events, how you find gran when you visit, conversations that you have with the Social Worker and the Nursing Home.
I am sorry that I cannot be of any more help, though I am sure that others will be able to give you some advice. Do keep posting.
Love Helen


Registered User
Dec 24, 2006
im visiting every day now that im allowed ...... on the care plan i have at home on nearly every page it says that my gran is at high risk of falls so the home shold have known that as the other family members that went with her told them time and time again that she shouldnt be left on her own as she was at risk of falling. im just hoping we can get somewhere after christmas ...... now im visiting daily the reast of the family have gone back to there one hour weekly visits ......they have placed my gran right over the other side of town about 1/2 car drive only thing is i dont drive so im having to get there by taxi at the minute dont even know if i can get a bus from here to there

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Ann-Marie, I`m so sorry everything`s been taken out of your hands after all the time you`ve spent caring for your gran.
Once an allegation has been made, Social Services have to act, whether those allegations are true or not.
I can see you`ve a long way to travel to the home, but all I can suggest is you visit as often as possible, at different times of the day, and log everything you feel is relevant.
If your gran`s social worker has been happy with your care, why don`t you contact her and see if the meeting can be brought forwards. Trouble is, with Christmas and the New Year, everything shut`s down.
Please let us know how you get on. Love Sylvia


Registered User
Dec 24, 2006
been to visit today spent about 5 hours there .............was there for tea well if you can call it tea cold baked beans and a couple of sausage rolls and a slice of swiss roll ......tried to get my gran to eat it but she wouldnt touch it ........i get the feeling my grans not eating well at all from what a carer was saying to her yet when i bring the subject up with them they say shes eating well ..........she was in dirty clothes again today when i got there as well .......ive started to make a diary .........on good thing tho my grans speach is coming back and she sure she dosent want to stay there she wants to come home ........ the taxi driver who picked me up tonight didnt have a good word to say about the place as hes been there himself as someone he new was in there .just hoping we can get something sorted once xmas is over

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