new and distressed!

[linoldgirl]

Hi,
having recently started to come to terms with the fact that my mum has AD, myself and my family have also found out that she has coronary heart disease that needs surgery sooner rather than later. it feels very much like not only is she living with one death sentance but two!
at the moment her AD is relatively mild it seems to have stolen some of her inhibitions which has meant that my mum who was previously a shy and sometimes stiff person has become much more fun to be with if that makes sense, however on the downside she is unable to read or write and is very aware of this fact, especially when i had to write dads birthday card for her and she could only manage to write the first letter of her name.
i also feel helpless to support my dad who is trying so hard to cope with looking after my mum whilst maintaining her dignity and independance.
my mum is so brave and strong it humbles me.

 

[Amy]

Hiya Linoldgirl, and welcome to TP.
Do you live near to your parents, or are you trying to support them from a distance? How old are your parents?
If your mum has surgery, do be prepared for her to be very confused after the anaesthetic, and make sure that the staff on the ward are aware that she has AD - my experience has been that this information is not automatically passed on.
Best wishes,
Helen

 

[linoldgirl]

Thankyou,
yes i live faily close about five miles away, so try to visit pretty often though i am on my own with two kids who get bored if they come along and generally end up fighting and upsetting my parents, usually try to leave one with a friend while i visit with the other one, Dad is 74 and quite fit and well, has outside intrests and hobbies and Mum is 70.
this new diagnosis has just been such a shock and think it has brought home to us the horror of AD aswell.
had waded my way through the info leaflets really impressed.
lin

 

[Lonestray]

Hi Linogirl, As you say you are hit twice. The Alzheimer's is not a killer in its self. With proper care and understanding of the disease one can go a long way to easing her concerns. I'm 75 and my wife is 72, she has AD for almost 12 years now. It was my choice to remove her from a NH getting on for near 4 years now. She sleeps a lot now and I find it little trouble caring for her on my own, more like looking after a new born babe only she can't speak or move.
In hindsight I'd not make the same mistakes. Firstly I'd have demanded to know what medications she was given and why while in hospital. She walked into hospital with a broken arm and dislocated shoulder. A month later she came out in a wheelchair! They had the gall to tell me they were walking her daily after I kept insisting they walk her. After she was discharged I learned they'd dosed her up on Matazapine, they must have been sleep walking her. Unable to cope in a large house with acres to maintain, I placed her in a NH. Within months she went futher down hill, loss of weight and bed sores. When she'd given up I decided to sell our house and move her here with me and care for her without any help. Two points I'm making, a spouse who's fit and determined can undertake the caring, with all the help they can insist on from SS, Carers Support, Age Concern, the local Alzheimer's society and of course TP. Sibling on the other hand have to get on with their own lives, what with work and family, and require extra support up to that painful time it's not possible to carry on and the parent has to enter a NH. The first concern is her heart condition and everyone involved must be made aware of her AD, time and time again. Hang in there stay strong and face the challenge. Best wishes in your endevours and God bless. Padraig

 

[jenniferpa]

Welcome to TP

As it's the heart condition that will need to be dealt with first, which will require a hospital stay, you will need to be very proactive with regard to ensuring that everybody knows that she has memory problems. The number of times you say it, you'll begin to think that everybody else has the memory problems - there seems to be no standard way of flagging this issue when someone goes to hospital. I sometimes think a large flashing neon sign over the patients bed wouldn't get the appropriate care.

Jennifer

 

[cynron]

went in walking

Padraig.

i have a similar story . My husband went into a nursing home walking and 6 weeks later i decided to move him owing to what i considered lack of care ,and he needed an ambulance trolley to transport him because he had lost the ability to walk. despite my constant concerns about various things that were or were not happening.

He seems to have settled in his new home and we hope to get him mobile again.

regards Cynron x x

 

[linoldgirl]

Thanx for your replies,
Feel a little less bewildered by AD after reading threads and replies and as for Heart condition now i have got over the shock i can make sense of the information available.
My manager at work is really good with me as is my GP, so i feel i shall be able to spend much time in the hospital with mum when she has her heart surgery and then when she is better we can enjoy several years as a happy family before she becomes too ill.
Thanx again i am sure i will be regular visitor. x