Hi, I've just joined this group today and I really don't know where to start. A gun, a bottle of whisky and about 100 aspirin seemed a good idea for all of about 10 seconds, but then I have a friend who rang me tonight and suggested looking at this site. My problem is that I've got more than one - problem, that is. I live in Oxfordshire, my father (who is the sufferer) lives in Hampshire with his wife, my stepmother, who has both breast and bone cancer and anywhere between tomorrow and five years to live. Both of them want my husband and me to care for my dad when my stepmother either goes into hospice care and/or dies. But I have health problems of my own looming in that I have arthritis, and we bought a small bungalow so that I wouldn't have stairs to worry about and we could easily look after it. Humph....what is it they say about 'the best laid plans'?? Added to which, many years ago I worked for my father and during that time he did not pay NI contributions for me, so for a quarter of my working life I have nothing to contribute towards my pensionable years. I'm 53 this year so they are looming very fast on the horizon! The money that he was to leave me for a pension fund he now wants to use to build an extension and adapt the bungalow for his needs as well as mine, but again, no pension for me if that happens. (If you think I'm overly concerned about a pension fund, I have only two words to say about the residue of my personal provision: Equitable Life. ) And, of course, ultimately he will need nursing care in a residential home which worries me - will the funding for that have to come from the sale of our home which he paid to improve, and because of that 'they' will seize the asset to pay for his care? I have to assume that in the light of best available information, my stepmother is leaving all her worldly wealth to her cousin and nothing to either contribute towards his care or to leave to me - they've only been married for 5 years, although the reason I'm not in charge of a family business now is because she ensnared my father 20 years prior to their marriage, and I had to care for my abandoned mother for eight years when he sold both the business and their house. After my mother died, at the time they married, each had agreed that they would leave their wealth to their own family. Any legal eagles out there? Am I going to be penalized under the 7year 'gift' rule - assuming that we look after dad until the inevitable happens - he's 86 now and I love him dearly, but his Alzheimer's isn't too bad ATM. I don't know who to contact to get help for all of us, or where to start in getting the problems sorted out. And that's before we even think about alterations to the house! Help!! All contributions that can shed light on this will be gratefully received, including on whether or not this has made it's way to the right area! Hilary Having read this through it does seem that my prime concern is about money. Well, there are so many problems concerned with this issue and we have no financial reserves to speak of; my husband's ingeritance from his family was used up in making alterations to the house we had many years ago to care for my mother who became disabled with severe osteoporosis and was in care for the last 17 weeks of her life, which took care of most of her estate. So you can see I'm worried that history is repeating itself, but most of all I'm worried about whether I shall get any help in caring for my lovely dad (rotten husband, lovely dad!), and whether at the end of the day matters will be taken out of my hands anyway! Can we get any outside nursing assistance while he is with us and financial assistance to help with building costs so that his funds are preserved either for his eventual residential care or for my pension fund, and if so how do I go about getting it?