Nervous

Ernest

Registered User
Jan 23, 2018
100
Is anyone else with a husband in a CH,.. nervous about re-starting visiting? I am. At the start of lock-down, along with the CH, there were concerns as to how my husband would react. He's surprised us all as he's been very understanding. Before lock_-down
I visited every other day. He would be constantly asking when I was next due coming in referring to a diary in which I had written the week's visits. During lock down he hasn't asked ,according to the staff whom I speak to a couple of times a week. When I phone to speak to him he hasn't mentioned it to me, until this week, when he asked me when was I coming home !! I'm thinking about how to go about visiting . Do I go back to the old routine or do I hold back , as he seems to be happy in his new one? In his dementia bubble he doesn't much concept of time so I don't think he realises how long it's been. To be very honest, I've enjoyed having the freedom to spend time in the garden ( I am working 3 days a week) and not having to work around visiting. Friends tell me to leave things as they are, but they don't have partners with dementia. I respect their views but it's far easier said than done. The guilt monkey just won't get off my shoulder. I know I will need to talk to the Care Home staff , but even they , I don't think, can understand as much as someone who is experiencing a husband whom they love very much, in these circumstances . Am I alone in thinking this way?
 

Platinum

Registered User
Nov 7, 2017
72
South east
Is anyone else with a husband in a CH,.. nervous about re-starting visiting? I am. At the start of lock-down, along with the CH, there were concerns as to how my husband would react. He's surprised us all as he's been very understanding. Before lock_-down
I visited every other day. He would be constantly asking when I was next due coming in referring to a diary in which I had written the week's visits. During lock down he hasn't asked ,according to the staff whom I speak to a couple of times a week. When I phone to speak to him he hasn't mentioned it to me, until this week, when he asked me when was I coming home !! I'm thinking about how to go about visiting . Do I go back to the old routine or do I hold back , as he seems to be happy in his new one? In his dementia bubble he doesn't much concept of time so I don't think he realises how long it's been. To be very honest, I've enjoyed having the freedom to spend time in the garden ( I am working 3 days a week) and not having to work around visiting. Friends tell me to leave things as they are, but they don't have partners with dementia. I respect their views but it's far easier said than done. The guilt monkey just won't get off my shoulder. I know I will need to talk to the Care Home staff , but even they , I don't think, can understand as much as someone who is experiencing a husband whom they love very much, in these circumstances . Am I alone in thinking this way?
No you most definitely are not. I feel very much the same about my other half. I speak to him on the phone daily but he is very confused and is now going through a phase of wanting to go home and packing up all his pictures, etc. He says he is Imprisoned against his will and wants to report them. Before lockdown I visited every morning but have not seen him since 15 March. Initially he was relatively settled (for him) but as time has gone by he has become more confused and can shout a bit as he has no idea where he is. I expect the carers find his moods difficult to manage but so does he. I hope I can visit soon but I am nervous about it.