neighbour worries


Registered User
Aug 10, 2006
hello im a newbie here and i have a bit of a situation with a nextdoor neighbour
she is quite elderly (80 ish) she keeps refering to her husband who died in the 1970's that he is upstairs in bed and cant get up she often talks about another neighbour trying to break in to her house and is generally very confused sometimes

I have tried to talk to the gp about her but the local surgery has said quite rightly they cant discuss her medical records with a neighbour, but having voiced my concerns they said there is nothing they can do unless she gets in touch herself.
she lives alone and has no living family that i know of. I always got along with her for the 8 years i have lived next to her but recently she wont speak to any of the neighbours at all.

thanks for reading this and any advice concerning who to contact or how i can help is greatly appreciated.

i am new to this forum so if i have posted this in the wrong place or if i havent found something that relates to this already oops


Registered User
Mar 13, 2006
hello fatbloke

(dosent seem right calling you that somehow)

welcome to tp.

can i just say how lucky the lady is to have a neighbour like you well done for trying to help her,
im not quite sure how you would go about this one but im sure someone will point you in the right direction
just wanted you to know your post had been read.
and im sure you'll get some positive answers soon


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Hello and welcome I also would like to say that its nice to know that there neighbour like you who care.

I was wondering could you phone the elderly section of social worker in your area to voice your concerns to them ? I phone my local town hall who can give me there number . they may pop around to see her

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
Oh for neighbours like you!

Well done! How I wish there were more of you around!!!

My advice would be to contact Social Services - it can be done anonymously - but better if you can to give as much information as possible... it won't mean you have to take on any responsibility - but you have already done more than that being a brilliant 'citizen' ... if you're really concerned contact the Emergency/Duty officer (24/7).....

If you have passed on concerns to her GP surgery and you're worried they haven't acted put something in writing addressed to the GP (assumes you know who the GP is)..... or your own GP ... confidentiality rules - especially between professionals - are 'allowed' to be broken when someone is in potential danger....

You, personally, may never know the outcome - but you can sleep easy knowing you have done something to help....

God Bless you....

Karen (TF), x


Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
sort of north east ish
fatbloke said:
I have tried to talk to the gp about her but the local surgery has said quite rightly they cant discuss her medical records with a neighbour, but having voiced my concerns they said there is nothing they can do unless she gets in touch herself.
hi fb

this lady is very lucky to have such a caring neighbour. like you say, of course they can't discuss her medical records with you ..... but it should be OK for you to discuss her possible medical problems with them! after all, if you were calling to say she was having a heart attack, presumably they would have to respond rather than waiting for her to "get in touch" :rolleyes: surely they can find some excuse to send a district nurse round.



Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
Birmingham Hades
Hi Fatbloke
Welcome to TP.
What a pity thay there are not more people like you in this world,it wpold be a nicer place to live in.
Karen's advice is spot on.
I would say go for the duty social worker at your nearest Social services.


Registered User
Mar 18, 2006
Hi Fatbloke,

(Great name !!! but feel rather rude saying it to you :eek: )

I the duty Social Worker, that's the best way forward.

What a fab neighbour you are....doesn't surprise me in the slightest that you are from Liverpool (Sorry if I sound regionalist!)


For the sake of not starting a fight....there are lots of fab neighbours across the country :D

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Elderly Nieghbour

Why don`t you contact Social Services or the GP, if you know who it is, and voice your concern that your neighbour is at risk.

Although no-one will discuss confidential information with you, they should be willing to LISTEN to you and act appropriately.

I cared for my next door neighbour when he became confused, as he had no family. Although Social Services and the GP could not act against his will, they were willing, eventually to accept me as his carer.

Good Luck Grannie G


Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
Action on Elder Abuse has a helpline Although primarily designed to stop abuse of elderly adults, they are also pretty good about pointing you in the right direction to protect a vulnerable adult (and it sounds like your neighbour would fall into that category).

I add my thanks to others expressed - we all hope our elderly parents would have someone as thoughtful as you around if we weren't there.



Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
I do so agree with other posters - especially the part about you being such a caring neighbour. As others have said, we wish all neighbours would be as good to those with memory problems as you are.

Just want to add that here in Australia, the concept of "occupational health and safety" over-rides confidentiality in a court of law (supposedly!). This information was given to me (and others) working as volunteers with people with disabilities. The idea that if you have to choose between confidentiality being broken or someone being "at risk", you should choose to break confidentiality.

I know this doesn't help much (not least because I'm in Australia!) but you might be able to use it to argue why others should take an interest in your neighbour. It is VERY doubtful that she will seek help herself.


Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
Yes, you can talk to doctors and social workers about your neighbour, even if they can't reply.

My mother's doctors took more notice of neighbours than they did of me.

One of the first signs that there was anything seriously wrong was her refusal to speak to a neighbour with whom she'd been on friendly terms for over 40 years. (That neighbour had looked after her own aunt with dementia at home for 23 years, and had said half-joking to my mother "I hope you aren't getting like my auntie".) It was only because of neighbours that my mother had the nurses coming round twice a week and the two memory clinic appointments.