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Neighbour with dementia and his anti social issues

DippyDaz

New member
Apr 1, 2020
3
Hello, I have been on the end of some real bad anti social behaviour from my neighbours above, it took ages to finally find out that the man and his wife have dementia, this now makes sense however they continue to bait me, knocking on walls often waking me up, loud bangs, stamping of feet, horrid smells and so on, anything that upsets me they will do and it is on a daily basis, my noise reduction headphones are helping me, however they have an obsession with me whenever I go to the toilet, always on the other side of the wall making noises so I know they are there, this has got me a little bit concerned and now unable to have a shower in my own flat! they follow me out of my flat and start smoking this disgusting foreign fag which is so alien to me I do not know what it is! now their son who told me they have dementia is a druggy, and it seems also a boozer, he is a right plonker and obviously not looking after his mum and dad, so no one is it seems, although I am aware the woman goes to hospital now and then, he told me his dad cannot get any care which I just couldn't believe! I have reported so many things to our housing association and they have been bad, never helping and even when they go around to see my neighbours they tell lies, of course the housing is now in no mans land, yet I am still suffering and I am finding it difficult to move out, until I can, can someone suggest something? thanks in advance
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,634
N Ireland
Hello and welcome @DippyDaz.

I may be reading too much into the situation but it does seem that this couple need help. It may be worth contacting your local Adult Social Services and telling them that you are concerned about the welfare of two neighbours who are vulnerable adults because you understand that they have dementia.

Maybe if they get help things will improve for you. I don’t think anyone should be expected to put up with your current situation.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,370
South coast
I agree with @karaokePete - contact the Adult Social Services and express your concerns - do use the phrase "vulnerable adults". All the while people with dementia refuse care SS will not act unless they are at risk of harm, or causing harm (this includes self neglect), so by contacting SS you will be creating a trail of concern. Do you know of any other people in the immediate neighbourhood who are on the receiving end of their dementia behaviour?

When mum was living by herself with dementia there were no end of problems, but mum refused carers and SS would not insist. She started causing problems with her neighbours too and although I asked them to contact SS, nobody did. It was a nightmare. I hope your neighbours get the help and care that they need soon.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
533
I would start keeping a diary of events.
I am putting the problems that your neighbours themselves have aside , and just thinking about yourself.
The housing association will want ‘evidence’, without evidence you are just another person whining.
Make a note of time of noise. Make a note of when and how you report the problem to social services. make a note of when you need to wear the headphones. If you feel to frightened to pull the toilet chain in the middle of the night , then write it down.
If very loud noise record it on your phone. That may not be allowed as evidence, but recording it doesn’t cost anything!
 

DippyDaz

New member
Apr 1, 2020
3
Hello and welcome @DippyDaz.

I may be reading too much into the situation but it does seem that this couple need help. It may be worth contacting your local Adult Social Services and telling them that you are concerned about the welfare of two neighbours who are vulnerable adults because you understand that they have dementia.

Maybe if they get help things will improve for you. I don’t think anyone should be expected to put up with your current situation.
Hi, yea I been through a lot here, yet when they are asked about it they blame everyone else other than themselves even claiming its my fault! which puts me into a deeper depression, dreadful situation and no help, I will contact Adult Social Services but expect they will do nothing, worth a go though, thanks for responding.
 

DippyDaz

New member
Apr 1, 2020
3
I would start keeping a diary of events.
I am putting the problems that your neighbours themselves have aside , and just thinking about yourself.
The housing association will want ‘evidence’, without evidence you are just another person whining.
Make a note of time of noise. Make a note of when and how you report the problem to social services. make a note of when you need to wear the headphones. If you feel to frightened to pull the toilet chain in the middle of the night , then write it down.
If very loud noise record it on your phone. That may not be allowed as evidence, but recording it doesn’t cost anything!
Hi I have done years of notes and has done nothing for me, have managed to get some video and recordings, and pictures where they have left burning fags near my window so my bedroom stinks, nothing has been done, I am contacting Adult Social Services later, I have to wear headphones (in ear) during the night! this for the past 9-years I do not know how I am still here, many would have slept on the street, I am a tough cookie though and will fight my battles, for justice, but in the end the justice I am now looking for is help for them, so I shall gove social services a go, thanks for your reply.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,370
South coast
when they are asked about it they blame everyone else other than themselves even claiming its my fault!
Im afraid that this is par for the course with dementia.
Many people with dementia are aware that Something Is Not Right, but lose the self-awareness to understand that this Something is actually them - so they blame everyone else around them - family, friends and neighbours.
They are not actually doing it on purpose (however much it feels like it), but that doesnt help those who have to live with it.

Eventually, the couple with dementia will have a crisis of some sort, and then they will get the help they need (and you need too)
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,671
Hi @DippyDaz , my mum was the problem causing problems to her neighbours. She was convinced the next door neighbours came in and stole things, including intangibles like electricity. I asked them to call Social Services and or the Police if mum was a nuisance. It helped to a certain extent, as along with mum calling the Police and Fire Brigade about them it gave everyone an idea of what was up. I was going to suggest keeping a diary for the Housing Association, but I see you've tried that, but it might still be useful for Social Services. They may be in a tricky spot as these people are obviously vulnerable and no one wants them homeless.
As for blaming everyone else, that goes with the dementia territory I'm afraid. If it wasn't the neighbours fault things happened it was mine! Is it also worth flagging them up to your council's help line for people in need of help during the current coronavirus lockdown. I guess each council is doing thing differently but mine has a number to call to voice concerns about people who may need extra help at present. At the very least a volunteer might turn up to check they are OK.