Negative effects of alcohol on my husband

Annielizmay

New member
Apr 30, 2018
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I never have time or the space to get in touch, but feel desperate this evening. After several 'good' weeks of arriving home fine after an hour at the pub in the evening, my husband is now obviously drinking alcohol again, albeit a small amount and caims he hasn't had more than a half of shandy, but enough to affect him as though he's had five pints! It's a miracle that he has made it home without a fall recently. He is incoherent, argumentative, has no co-ordination, can barely stand and is sometimes doubly incontinent. In the morning he will be ok, and of course have no recollection of the previous evening. The staff at the pub do their best but are not always the same people and it isn't their responsibility. I spend every evening worrying. I used to text or phone him, but he can no longer manage his phone. Sometimes I walk up to meet him but I still work part time and am too exhausted to spend every evening in the pub. I don't expect a solution, just need to offload. What does anyone else do in this situation, do we just wait for this particular phase to pass? I dread this every day.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,534
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N Ireland
I recognise every aspect of what you say when I think of my wife's relationship with alcohol. My wife would have had many falls if it weren't for the fact that I take her by the hand when we leave pubs.

I can't say there is a magic answer as I have tried everything I can think of. Eternal vigilance and the ability to manage heartbreak seem to be the only constants in my battle. If it's a phase, I haven't seen the end of it yet and I've been struggling with it for a few years now.

I am retired so I stay in my wife's company. However, even then I just have to go to the loo or get up to sing a karaoke song and she will order an extra drink.

Reasoning doesn't work.
 

myss

Registered User
Jan 14, 2018
449
0
Hi @Annielizmay I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling desperate this evening. If the alcohol is effecting him so badly, it may be time to ask the pub if they don't serve him alcohol unless he is there with you/other family/etc or see if they can impose some other condition, i.e. to just serve him alcohol on a weekend. Does he go on his own to the pub?
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
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84
East of England
@Annielizmay you have my heartfelt sympathy but no solution. I have wrestled with my husband’s dependence on alcohol for a long time and I have just got him more or less off it most of the time. He is not aggressive or nasty but he is restless, disoriented and anxious. Even a small amount is noticeable and if he can get it he does. Sorry I cannot be of more help except to say that it is a huge burden and the only relief is to get it out of the system here.
 

Annielizmay

New member
Apr 30, 2018
6
0
Thanks so much everyone and I'm sorry you're all in a similar position, it's physically and mentally draining. I have to work 3 days for financial reasons and I just can't spend every evening in the pub. He also doesn't want me to go as he knows I'm watchful and makes sure he has left the house before I get home. There are four pubs within walking distance!
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,746
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84
East of England
The only thing I can say is that as he has weakened and worsened he is less able to go to either of two pubs he used to go to but I am sorry that’s no help to you now. Even now in his weakened physical state he can get to the pub like a magnet and they have my number. We know them all well fortunately and we have a loose agreement that they will only serve him a pint and then say it’s time to go home. He is not so aggressive that he would refuse, which I rather think is your problem. I am not a pub goer either and would not agree to go every night as he used to want. Time has helped me in that way but worsened in other ways. There is no beating this disease. Hugs for you.
 

Annielizmay

New member
Apr 30, 2018
6
0
The only thing I can say is that as he has weakened and worsened he is less able to go to either of two pubs he used to go to but I am sorry that’s no help to you now. Even now in his weakened physical state he can get to the pub like a magnet and they have my number. We know them all well fortunately and we have a loose agreement that they will only serve him a pint and then say it’s time to go home. He is not so aggressive that he would refuse, which I rather think is your problem. I am not a pub goer either and would not agree to go every night as he used to want. Time has helped me in that way but worsened in other ways. There is no beating this disease. Hugs for you.
 

CherryP

Registered User
Jun 25, 2016
4
0
I never have time or the space to get in touch, but feel desperate this evening. After several 'good' weeks of arriving home fine after an hour at the pub in the evening, my husband is now obviously drinking alcohol again, albeit a small amount and caims he hasn't had more than a half of shandy, but enough to affect him as though he's had five pints! It's a miracle that he has made it home without a fall recently. He is incoherent, argumentative, has no co-ordination, can barely stand and is sometimes doubly incontinent. In the morning he will be ok, and of course have no recollection of the previous evening. The staff at the pub do their best but are not always the same people and it isn't their responsibility. I spend every evening worrying. I used to text or phone him, but he can no longer manage his phone. Sometimes I walk up to meet him but I still work part time and am too exhausted to spend every evening in the pub. I don't expect a solution, just need to offload. What does anyone else do in this situation, do we just wait for this particular phase to pass? I dread this every day.
 

CherryP

Registered User
Jun 25, 2016
4
0
I never have time or the space to get in touch, but feel desperate this evening. After several 'good' weeks of arriving home fine after an hour at the pub in the evening, my husband is now obviously drinking alcohol again, albeit a small amount and caims he hasn't had more than a half of shandy, but enough to affect him as though he's had five pints! It's a miracle that he has made it home without a fall recently. He is incoherent, argumentative, has no co-ordination, can barely stand and is sometimes doubly incontinent. In the morning he will be ok, and of course have no recollection of the previous evening. The staff at the pub do their best but are not always the same people and it isn't their responsibility. I spend every evening worrying. I used to text or phone him, but he can no longer manage his phone. Sometimes I walk up to meet him but I still work part time and am too exhausted to spend every evening in the pub. I don't expect a solution, just need to offload. What does anyone else do in this situation, do we just wait for this particular phase to pass? I dread this every day.
I really feel for you. I know that doesn't really help, and for me the phase did pass, but I know it could so easily start all over again.. For me the first step was when the pub banned him. They'd had complaints from other customers about his drunken behaviour. He then bought alcohol to drink at home, and then about 2 years ago my husband blocked his PIN number and couldn't get cash. He's not capable of sorting that out. I feel mean at times not offering to unblock it for him but if you could see the damage his drunken state has caused in our house I think you would understand. He still is verbally aggressive to me, but I don't have the mess to clear up, all the problems you mentioned, so feel less exhausted, but always wary and never relaxed.
I know he still craves alcohol and has to be watched if we do occasionally go to our daughters or have them here. It is a whole extra illness on top of the dementia. I thought I was the only one who had to deal with both. As you say they have no memory the following day, of the mayhem caused the day before. My husband has never used a mobile phone but now has a tracker attached to his keys so if he does go out, which is seldom now, I can see where he is.