As some of you will know I am in the process of moving my mother from her home in the north, to mine in the south.
Last week I was feeling quite smug as I had won a decision with the hospital to hang onto mum until next week, when I could get up there.
This Monday I woke with a really bad cold and chest infection which has kept me in bed for most of the week. Contacted SS to say I may be a few days late. Naturally, the response was that mum would be discharged as arranged and would go into care for a few days. I finally managed to talk myself into accepting this - after all it would only be for a couple of days. Yes, it would highly distress and disturb her and I would have to work harder to overcome that, but there was nothing else I could do.
Mid way through the week my back started to play up and initially I tried to ignore this but yesterday I ended up in A & E and told that due to my stress levels I was suffering with a slipped disc. I was sent home with antibiotics for the chest and pain killers and valium for the back. Pain free for a few hours yesterday - wonderful. But this morning the back is worse and pain has travelled higher up the spine. Hospital told me to arrange physio if I'm not better in a week!
Have not yet been in contact with SS (it being Sunday). But now I have no idea when I will be fit enough to get up to mum and I keep going over and over in my mind what she must be going through being moved from the familiarity of the hospital where she has spent the last six months to a totally strange environment. And one I have had no say in choosing. My heart is breaking and I just want to give up.
I know these things happen but what makes me so distraught is the fact that dementia people are not treated the best and certainly not with kindness and respect (this has been my experience) and I just want to pick her up and bring her home to safety and love.
I thought I'd worked it all out so well. I'd fought so many battles to get this far. Fighting to the point of exhaustion, thinking I just can't face another fight for what is after all only humane treatment.
I don't know what to do with the emotions I am feeling, except to say I'm v. down and negative at the moment. If only I were a millionaire and able to snap my fingers and get it all sorted. Why does the end of life have to be so hard?
ellie XX
Last week I was feeling quite smug as I had won a decision with the hospital to hang onto mum until next week, when I could get up there.
This Monday I woke with a really bad cold and chest infection which has kept me in bed for most of the week. Contacted SS to say I may be a few days late. Naturally, the response was that mum would be discharged as arranged and would go into care for a few days. I finally managed to talk myself into accepting this - after all it would only be for a couple of days. Yes, it would highly distress and disturb her and I would have to work harder to overcome that, but there was nothing else I could do.
Mid way through the week my back started to play up and initially I tried to ignore this but yesterday I ended up in A & E and told that due to my stress levels I was suffering with a slipped disc. I was sent home with antibiotics for the chest and pain killers and valium for the back. Pain free for a few hours yesterday - wonderful. But this morning the back is worse and pain has travelled higher up the spine. Hospital told me to arrange physio if I'm not better in a week!
Have not yet been in contact with SS (it being Sunday). But now I have no idea when I will be fit enough to get up to mum and I keep going over and over in my mind what she must be going through being moved from the familiarity of the hospital where she has spent the last six months to a totally strange environment. And one I have had no say in choosing. My heart is breaking and I just want to give up.
I know these things happen but what makes me so distraught is the fact that dementia people are not treated the best and certainly not with kindness and respect (this has been my experience) and I just want to pick her up and bring her home to safety and love.
I thought I'd worked it all out so well. I'd fought so many battles to get this far. Fighting to the point of exhaustion, thinking I just can't face another fight for what is after all only humane treatment.
I don't know what to do with the emotions I am feeling, except to say I'm v. down and negative at the moment. If only I were a millionaire and able to snap my fingers and get it all sorted. Why does the end of life have to be so hard?
ellie XX