Needing nursing home?

kayleigh999

Registered User
Apr 6, 2007
53
60
Birmingham,England
Hi All

I have not been on the boards for some time and hope you kind people may be able to help me.

Mom, Vas.Dementia with evidence Of Alz as well, aged 84 and diagnosed about 2 years ago following stroke.


Had another stroke in Dec 08 after falling out of bed in care home (or perhaps had stroke then fell out) Since then total deteriation in mobility over last few months.

More worringly is how bad she has suddenly got in last week or so. Incontinent of urine.Breathing rapid and shallow, Non-weight bearing when standing, home has to use a hoist. Cant feed herself any longer. Worst thing now is head is totally bent over, almost on her lap and a terrible expression on her face. She actually looks like she could pass away any moment. Vomit and spittle on her clothes as well. Will respond somewhat when spoken too but cant even look at me any longer because of head position.

My question is does she need nursing care? She is left sitting all day like that with her clothes soaked from food spillage and spittle whilst most of the other residents,well all really, go about their business of walking on zimmers and getting around.

I dont know the criteria for one as she has no bed sores yet but is 100% immobile. I hve spoken to my Dad (very selfish man, long story) who wont hear of having her moved as the home is 2 mins walk from their home where he lives alone now.


Although the home is supposed to be geared for dementia patients I feel my Mom is literally sitting there dying. I have seen them feed her once and dont know what would happen if thay are too busy. She is skin and bone like a skeleton.

Could anyone please advise? They are getting home funded at Moment. Should be about 400 pound a week but they are only charging Dad about 35 pound a week which is all she has left of pension once her pocket money allowance has been taken out.

Thanks in advance.

xxx
 
Last edited:

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,448
It does sound like she should be entitled to at the very least the registered nursing care component, and maybe NHS continuing care as well. That's just cash though - it doesn't really address whether this is the right place for your mother (in fact both of the things I mentioned could be received in either a residential or a nursing home). Your problem is, of course, getting your father to agree to any of these possible options. Have you actually spoken to the care home manager - while your father is her closest relative she should be willing to share details of your mother's care plan with you, and she/he may be able to give you more insight into what is going on. It's possible your father is not sharing all available options. Also, I assume your mother has a social worker: that could be a useful ally if you planned to apply for the NHS CC since that would take your mother out of the LA's budget and into your PCTs.

Incidentally - has she been checked for an infection? Or constipation? A sudden downturn is often due to something like that so it should be considered.
 
Last edited:

Sandy

Registered User
Mar 23, 2005
6,847
Hi kayleigh999,

I agree with all that Jennifer has suggested.

What type of relationship do you have with your mum's GP? I would have thought her GP would be a useful person to approach with your concerns.

Take care,

Sandy
 

Christinec

Registered User
Aug 8, 2007
214
Hi kayleigh999,
It is bad enough to try and help your Mum without the problem of your Dad. I also think you need to try and involve the manager, GP, SW and anyone else involved with your Mum. Has a GP seen her since the recent changes in her health?

If your father is not able to act in your Mum's best interests and others professionals agree with you that she should be moved there may be legal recourse where the local authority appoints a Legal Guardian for your Mum who has the final say in the making decisions in the best interests of a person deemed to be unable to make rational decisions to protect themselves. This is certainly possible in the part of the uk where I live.

Not a good solution as it does indicate enormous family dis unity and it is unlikely to improve this. Sometimes there are no better ways to go.

I hope you do not mind me mentioning this but if it applies where you are it might be worth being aware of this option.

Looking at past posts you have been very involved in caring for quite a while in what sounds like very trying stressful circumstances. My best wishes go to you.
 

TinaT

Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
7,095
Bolton
The only immediate thing I can suggest, which may be out of the question because of your own personal cuircumstances, is that you visit as often as you can, every day in fact for the time being and demand that her clothes be changed and that she is made as comfortable as possible.

In the meantime I would demand an urgent review of your mother's care involving all the services and, if she has one an urgent visit from her consultant, or failing that, her GP.

It is horrendous to read of the state your mother is being left in. Shocking!

xxTinaT
 

kayleigh999

Registered User
Apr 6, 2007
53
60
Birmingham,England
Thank you

Thank you all so much for your time. I went in today and the home had called out GP. Mom has been sent to hospital this afternoon.

Initial findings are low blood pressure/oxygen levels and a chest infection suspected-awaiting confirmation by x-ray. She looks very unwell.

I feel happier slightly that she is getting care and has an oxygen mask on to help her shallow breathing.

Thank you again for the help and I will post back the outcome.

Take care all

xxxx
 

Scottie45

Registered User
Jan 25, 2009
1,409
CoAntrim
Dear Kayleight

I agree with Tina,your mum should not be left sitting in wet clothes,glad she has been taken into hospital were hopefully she will make a good recovery from her chest infection,and i would also be asking for a meeting with the home manager when she goes back there about her care like Tina has said, all the best Marian x
 

MarkEdge

Registered User
Mar 24, 2009
49
London
Mom has been sent to hospital this afternoon.
Hi Kayleigh

Sorry to hear of your Mum's deterioration. However, she is probably in the best place in relation to the quality and amount of care needed. And her being in hospital also gives you the upper hand when it comes to Continuing Care funding.

Based on your first post I would think that she definitely qualifies for CC. I know it's difficult at this time, but try to read up on the National Framework for Continuing Care and the process that the hospital must follow (they have no option). They must carry out a Cont Care assessment on your Mum before any thought of her being discharged. If they refuse, then direct them to the National Framework and the Delayed Disharges procedures, both of which are based in law. A useful start point is the Dept of Health website at http://www.dh.gov.uk/en/SocialCare/Deliveringadultsocialcare/Continuingcare/index.htm and the second and third documents on http://www.dh.gov.uk/en/SocialCare/Deliveringadultsocialcare/Continuingcare/DH_079288.

At this difficult time, you will need to be watchful about Soc Services and/or the NHS asking you inappropriate questions about your Mum's assets etc. You have no obligation to tell them anything unless and until the PCT have completed the Cont Care assessment process and you are completely happy with the outcome and have exhausted the appeals process. And don't imagine that Soc Services will help in getting Cont Care funding. The average Social Worker doesn't know very much about Cont Care and typically has the same perception about it as hospital staff, i.e. hardly anyone should be eligible (which is complete rubbish).

Keep us posted and we can help you through the maze,

Mark
 

kayleigh999

Registered User
Apr 6, 2007
53
60
Birmingham,England
Update

Iwant to say thank you all so much for your help. Sadly its unlikely Mom will recover. I had a phone call yesterday to say a rapid deteriation and to come in and see mom. Also my Brother was going away for weekend and doctor told him its not a good idea.

Mom is in a very deep sleep, unconscious the doctor said. We are allowed open visiting and I think that says its all.

I am so pleased that I went back again on Thurs night to visit her after seeing her in the day,I told her I was getting married (got engaged last week on my 50th birthday) and said I wanted her at the wedding,she reacted and showed emotion. Thats the last thing she has said really apart from saying she can see her own Mother.

Anyway another bedside vigil today and I feel so,so tired. Hope this does not sound bad but I pray for Moms peaceful passing now.

Thank you all so much.

XXX
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,659
Kent
Dear Kayleigh

Hope this does not sound bad but I pray for Moms peaceful passing now.
No it doesn`t sound bad at all. You and your mother need to be free from the suffering.
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,448
It's sounds what any loving and compassionate person would want for their loved one at the end of this long journey.

Take care of yourself as well Kayleigh

Love
 

kayleigh999

Registered User
Apr 6, 2007
53
60
Birmingham,England
Mom has gone

Thank you all for your support. Mom passed away yesterday evening. The torture of watching her last hours was almost to much to bear but I have been there for the last 4 years and wanted to see it through.

My Brothers and dad had left at tea time and it was just me and Mom at the end.

God bless Mom, suffering over.

My thoughts and love are for anyone else on here who is going through similar.

Kxxx
 

JPG1

Account Closed
Jul 16, 2008
3,396
Thoughts are with you, now as you move from yesterday, via today, to your own tomorrow.

Take care of yourself now, Kayleigh

You have done all your Mum would have asked of you, so now is the time to remember your Mum and to take care of yourself.

.
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
66
East Midlands
Dear Kayleigh...

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum...but glad that she is at peace now.

Take care of yourself....and remember that TP is always here for you.

Love xx
 

kayleigh999

Registered User
Apr 6, 2007
53
60
Birmingham,England
Thank you

Thank you all so very much for the messages and support. Have not been on since with all the funeral to arrange and everything that comes with it.

I am of course sad, but as mentioned, Mom's horrible existance has ended (and it was an existance, not a life) and I have to believe she is happy and healthy again in mind and body.

Thank you all so much and I will keep popping by.

Karen xxxxx
 
Last edited:

TinaT

Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
7,095
Bolton
I am so sorry to read your post. It is such a sad ending for you but I know that your mother is at peace now. How wonderful that she did know about your future happiness. Thinking of you.

xxTinaT
 

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