Needing advice

[Martarita]

Happy new year to everyone at talking point,it not been a very good start to the new year for me ,for a couple of weeks before Christmas my OH as been really unsettled ,he can't keep still , doesn't eat very much ,wanting to go out all the time which we go out every morning,he won't leave me alone for just 1 minute pestering for me to go out walking 2 or 3 times through the evening ,pestering for me to go to bed really early,which I do because that's the only time he will settle down,he doesn't want me to answer the phone,if I do he's interrupting me all the time wanting me to get him one thing or another ,I really don't know what to do to help him ,I try to reassure him that I'm here to stay and I'm going nowhere as he doesn't want me to go anywhere without him even upstairs or the bathroom which I never do anyway he waits for me at the bottom of the stairs I try to talk to him and make him understand that I can't keep going out walking ,for one thing I've got bad hips and second i really don't want to go all the time I get tired , I've taken him to see the doctor that was a waste of time , prescribed antibiotics thought he'd got a chest infection,but he's still no better and unsettled ,so we went back to doctors because my OH insisted his hip hurt so he was prescribed pain killers . So I thought someone on TP might have any advice as to what to do next .Sorry for going on ,but I feel so worried and anxious,xx

 

[karaokePete]

Your OH's behaviour may be because he too is worried and anxious. Depression and anxiety are common bedfellows of dementia and my own wife has to be medicated for both of these conditions as well as her Alzheimer's. The medication makes her bearable - just! The need for constant reassurance is exhausting - they can't remember that they have been reassured. It may be worth suggesting that to the GP.

I don't think I'll ever get rid of this shadowing and anxiety until the dementia progresses - and then, no doubt, there will be other problems instead.

 

[kindred]

Happy new year to everyone at talking point,it not been a very good start to the new year for me ,for a couple of weeks before Christmas my OH as been really unsettled ,he can't keep still , doesn't eat very much ,wanting to go out all the time which we go out every morning,he won't leave me alone for just 1 minute pestering for me to go out walking 2 or 3 times through the evening ,pestering for me to go to bed really early,which I do because that's the only time he will settle down,he doesn't want me to answer the phone,if I do he's interrupting me all the time wanting me to get him one thing or another ,I really don't know what to do to help him ,I try to reassure him that I'm here to stay and I'm going nowhere as he doesn't want me to go anywhere without him even upstairs or the bathroom which I never do anyway he waits for me at the bottom of the stairs I try to talk to him and make him understand that I can't keep going out walking ,for one thing I've got bad hips and second i really don't want to go all the time I get tired , I've taken him to see the doctor that was a waste of time , prescribed antibiotics thought he'd got a chest infection,but he's still no better and unsettled ,so we went back to doctors because my OH insisted his hip hurt so he was prescribed pain killers . So I thought someone on TP might have any advice as to what to do next .Sorry for going on ,but I feel so worried and anxious,xx

Of course you feel worried and anxious. I went through almost precisely this with my OH, I could not make a phone call, use the toilet, you name it, well you have! I found that this phase of intense monitoring didn't last beyond about three months but by the end of that time I was heading towards madness myself ...Sweetheart, you need to get out alone. Please, is it possible to employ carers for a couple of hours a week? It may not be possible to calm him down and settle him during this phase, I think you need to find other ways to get yourself some peace. All thoughts and sympathy. Kindred.

 

[Guzelle]

I know the feeling it drives you mad! My OH is taking risperidone an antipsychotic drug which has helped calm him down and control the paranoia. He also takes mirtazipine an antidepressant as well which calm him and make him sleep more which enables me to stay up later than him and have a break.

 

[marionq]

I had my first experience of real paranoia this morning which was very upsetting. It seems to be worse if I allow John to sleep late rather than our usual 7.30am. Any attempt to get him out of bed, washed or dressed was defended as if I wanted to attack him. After an hour of this then trying to get him downstairs I had to stand back at the end of the hall as if he thought I would shove him down the stairs.

At the first opportunity I emailed the care home he goes to for respite once a year to see if they had any vacancies. Fingers crossed because I can’t deal with this.

You need space @Martarita or you too will be ill. Look at ways you can achieve this.

 

[Martarita]

Your OH's behaviour may be because he too is worried and anxious. Depression and anxiety are common bedfellows of dementia and my own wife has to be medicated for both of these conditions as well as her Alzheimer's. The medication makes her bearable - just! The need for constant reassurance is exhausting - they can't remember that they have been reassured. It may be worth suggesting that to the GP.

I don't think I'll ever get rid of this shadowing and anxiety until the dementia progresses - and then, no doubt, there will be other problems instead.

Thank you so much for your replay and I'm sure that it is anxiety and depression that why he's so unsettled I have made another appointment to see the doctor hopefully we will get something that helps ,thank you again.x

 

[Martarita]

I had my first experience of real paranoia this morning which was very upsetting. It seems to be worse if I allow John to sleep late rather than our usual 7.30am. Any attempt to get him out of bed, washed or dressed was defended as if I wanted to attack him. After an hour of this then trying to get him downstairs I had to stand back at the end of the hall as if he thought I would shove him down the stairs.

At the first opportunity I emailed the care home he goes to for respite once a year to see if they had any vacancies. Fingers crossed because I can’t deal with this.

You need space @Martarita or you too will be ill. Look at ways you can achieve this.

Thank you so much for your concern I really need to try to get this sorted .i only wish all this wasn't happening,but it is and we've got to deal with it .all the lovely kind people at talking point are all in the same boat sorry and .Thank you .x

 

[Martarita]

Of course you feel worried and anxious. I went through almost precisely this with my OH, I could not make a phone call, use the toilet, you name it, well you have! I found that this phase of intense monitoring didn't last beyond about three months but by the end of that time I was heading towards madness myself ...Sweetheart, you need to get out alone. Please, is it possible to employ carers for a couple of hours a week? It may not be possible to calm him down and settle him during this phase, I think you need to find other ways to get yourself some peace. All thoughts and sympathy. Kindred.

Thank you so much for your concern I have made appointment again hopefully this time I just might get something to help ,thank you all for replying you are all so kind .x

 

[Martarita]

I know the feeling it drives you mad! My OH is taking risperidone an antipsychotic drug which has helped calm him down and control the paranoia. He also takes mirtazipine an antidepressant as well which calm him and make him sleep more which enables me to stay up later than him and have a break.

Thank you for your reply,I have made another appointment at the doctors to review his med's hopefully we will get something this time .Its so hard to know what to do to help him ,once again thank you so much.x

 

[marionq]

@Martarita hope all goes well. After a dreadful day yesterday my husband wakened this morning cheerful and good natured! What a weird illness this is. I will still take up respite if I can get a vacancy though. He has just walloped down porridge, fresh raspberries, tea and toast and now an apple. I am gratefully having coffee and toast plus peace and quiet!

 

[Martarita]

I had my first experience of real paranoia this morning which was very upsetting. It seems to be worse if I allow John to sleep late rather than our usual 7.30am. Any attempt to get him out of bed, washed or dressed was defended as if I wanted to attack him. After an hour of this then trying to get him downstairs I had to stand back at the end of the ft hall as if he thought I would shove him down the stairs.

At the first opportunity I emailed the care home he goes to for respite once a year to see if they had any vacancies. Fingers crossed because I can’t deal with this.

You need space @Martarita or you too will be ill. Look at ways you can achieve this.

I had my first experience of real paranoia this morning which was very upsetting. It seems to be worse if I allow John to sleep late rather than our usual 7.30am. Any attempt to get him out of bed, washed or dressed was defended as if I wanted to attack him. After an hour of this then trying to get him downstairs I had to stand back at the end of the hall as if he thought I would shove him down the stairs.

At the first opportunity I emailed the care home he goes to for respite once a year to see if they had any vacancies. Fingers crossed because I can’t deal with this.

You need space @Martarita or you too will be ill. Look at ways you can achieve this.

im so sorry to hear of you really bad episode we are ! all in the same boat in one way or another ,thank you for your reply take care x