Needing a bit of advice please

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by mel, Nov 18, 2006.

  1. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    I collected mum from respite on Wednesday....she originally went in for 2 weeks but due to various problems of my own stayed for 4
    The deterioration in her is quite shocking.....during her stay she was very violent towards the staff,district nurse,and also the out of hours GP.
    She was precribed haloperidol(she'd also been given this during her stay in hospital about 6 weeks ago to calm her)
    She has lost so much weight and looks so frail.....her mobility is now very poor....she refused all medication for the last 5 days of her stay.
    She was so pleased to see me when I picked her up.....knew my name and told me she loved me.....reducing me to tears......
    Wednesday and Thursday were good.....although I can't get her to eat hardly anything at all..........
    Yesterday she became violent again towards me and also whacked my son with her stick for no reason whatsoever......luckily she is so weak she didn't cause any damage.......
    I've managed to get her to take her medication but had held back on the haliperodol ......until yesterday.....since then she has been much calmer...
    I suppose the advice I need is to find out what people think about the use of haliperodol.....yes she's much more manageable but she just appears so lifeless and drugged that it breaks my heart.............
    The CPN visited her twice in the respite centre and is coming to see her again on Wednesday....
    The guilt I feel for putting her into respite for so long is unbearable.....she had no interest in interacting with the others either...........
    Once again .....I hate and despise this disease
    Love xx
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Wendy, you have to think of your mum, but you also have to consider what is right for you and your family. How do your kids feel about seeing you being hurt and them being attacked? How do you feel when mum hits them? I suspect that this escalation of violence could cause all sorts of very strong emotions in your household.
    Whilst mum was in respite, did you visit, or was it that you had no contact for the period? Mum had to be there - put the guilt behind you - you are doing all that you can, but the time will come when mum has to move home, into residential care.
    I don't know anything about haliperodol, so hopefully others will come up with some advice on that.
    With love,
  3. Sandy

    Sandy Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    It's always a difficult balancing act and the use of haloperidol has been discussed on a number of threads. Here is a good example:

    There is a link on that thread that I put up to an article describing other types of medication (so called atypical antipsychotics) that might have fewer side effects than drugs like haloperidol. It might be worth asking the CPN about.

    Also if you search TP for threads with "haloperidol", you'll probably find other similar threads.

    Take care,

  4. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006

    My Mum was given Haliperidol after she had very frightening and distressing hallucinations. The drug enabled her to stay in her own home for another few months and the hallucinations became less vivid. It is not ideal to need to take these strong drugs, but may be better than the alternative.
    Vascular dementia sufferers do seem to have sudden changes in behaviour and mood so that medicaton needs very careful monitoring. Apparently in some cases, people become far worse when taking this drug, so it might not always be suitable.
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #5 Margarita, Nov 18, 2006
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2006
    I do not know about the medication, but I know that when mum come back from respite she gets very confused and angry for the first week, that it put me of thinking of doing respite angina , but I still do it and she does seem worse every time she gets back , then gets back to normal after the week , don’t let guilt get to you Mel . I have felt it also and when mum says she love me so, miss me while she was away. The feeling passes in time and your be thinking soon god I need another respite
  6. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    Hi Mel
    Mum was prescribed Haliperidol after assesment in hospital (where she was admitted as an emergency because the hallucinations were so bad and made her violent). It's been a life saver and calmed things down, I don't particularly like the fact that it's an anti-psychotic and a strong drug at that, but we could not have kept Mum at home without it. My Dad keeps saying at least it's given them a few more months together. Breaks your heart doesn't it this damned disease.:(
  7. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    Hi everyone
    thanks for all your comments.......Sandy the link you gave was very helpful.
    I feel we've reached a very difficult stage now and I suppose I feel at a very low ebb.
    Helen... i realise now the time is fast approaching for permanent care but its complicated for reasons that I'm unable to go into case other family members(outside my immediate family) may peek at the site......sorry to sound mysterious!!!
    The CPN wants to discuss alternative respite care on Wednesday when he visits.......i got the impression the respite centre were not too keen on taking her again as they found her very difficult to deal with.

    margarita ..I'm hoping it was a case of being unsettled by the respite.....I didn't visit her there but they kept me informed by phone although it was only when I collected her that they let me know just how difficult she had been!
    Kayla and May.....I'll continue to monitor mums behaviour and see how things go.....This disease has got to be one of the worst hasn't it?:(
    Mums long term memory seems to be going too now........When I look back over my life so far I find so much comfort in the memories I have......if that is taken from someone you're left with nothing......

    Sorry....this sounds so depressing!!!!.....Just trying to make sense of it all!!!
    love xx
  8. maria29al

    maria29al Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    My Dad was given that drug about 2 years ago (the first time he went into hospital) as he was roaming and unco-operative. It completely knocked him out for a few days. He was unable to eat. My sister and I asked for the hospital to stop giving it to him and he came round and recovered that time.
    This time when he was admitted we asked that he should not be given it at all.
    I realise its different for everyone...but we didnt like to see Dad so incapacitated by it.
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #9 Margarita, Nov 19, 2006
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2006
    Its not depressing or may be it is to someone that is not at the stage where you are not with your mother ,, but if we can be open with our feeling in how we the carer perceive it not Hold in all in , because we are scared of offending anyone that may be in the early stages of AZ and reading this we can help each other.

    I am also finding it hard now , and I just can’t make any since in it also

    When you say ...
    ... I must admit that when you said that, I feel its like a catch 22 , because you are left with something your left with your of your mother old and new memories , life is just moments in time of memories happy and sad , they may not have the memories anynore , but you do so we our the lucky one , even thought we may not feel it . they are there in body but not in mind , I read this somewhere we are the keeper of there memories , I hate to say this and people will disagree with me , its like death your grieving mel your in grief and when someone dies they feel the same grief that we our feeling , we suffer the grief twice , so we our as twice as strong to see this to the end .

    Ask the CPN if he can refer you to grief counselling , we all need someone to talk it out with , with out the worry that we are depressing them , as even the closes member of our family just can not understand and get fed up with it .

    I also hope we can still share those feeling on TP , when it come to talk like this . it help us all to move on , have a lovely day in london its Cold but the Sun has got it's hat on , I felt the warm of the sun as I took the dog out :)
  10. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    Hi Margarita
    i plan to have a long chat to the CPN on Wednesday.
    I've also found that since mum has come out of respite she follows me everywhere.....more so than before and she's very restless......i put that down to a break in her routine and insecurity perhaps
  11. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #11 Margarita, Nov 20, 2006
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2006

    Yes I would say that also .

    My mother today did not like it that I spend most of the afternoon in my room sorting out all bank papers and writing what seem like an essay , that my daughter had to retype reword for me tonight , so I can send of to bank .

    So mum was left in front room on her own today , where during the week I am in there or my friend who sits with her, will did she keep looking for me or what :rolleyes: , would not stop , till my friend visited this evening and I took a break from sorting out paper work and sat in front room , so my point yes , like my mum also not only does respite , put her out of balance with her routine so does the routine of home life , Being different only on Sunday

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