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Need to unload/talk

Unsure2021

Registered User
Jan 1, 2021
97
0
He doesn't seem to be trying to control as much anymore, this one was a Biggie in our house tho.

We had all just gotten so used to the battles involved in getting out of the house ( been like it 3-4yrs) that it's like disbelief...did we really get out so easily lol
 

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
673
0
My OH makes moves to go to bed about 8.30, but won’t actually get into the bed, as he waits for me. I am very low voiced and if I don’t speak directly to his face, then he says “what” so when I repeat myself he says that I am shouting at him. I am now looking at carers respite to see if I can get just one week before the year ends, as I am so tired.
 

Unsure2021

Registered User
Jan 1, 2021
97
0
I hope you get a respite,it's so mentally exhausing isn't it.

I think I may have snapped if I hadn't found this forum and been able to vent from time to time, I'm so grateful for the forum, I have found some good advice to help deal with everything that's going on.

I have dropped the GP surgery another email with updated concerns, changes.

He has been having more and more dizzy spells, one was on the stairs, he missed his footing, how he didn't fall I have no idea but he made so much noise it sounded like he was coming down the stairs.
 

Unsure2021

Registered User
Jan 1, 2021
97
0
Well email was a waste of time, didn't get past reception/office staff.

I had email back telling me to get him to ring surgery for a GP call back appointment.

Erm,he won't ring ,as far as he's concerned he's fine.

I was asked to ring to discuss options.

There options was to book callback through me for him. but what reason would the GP be ringing him for? Well GP would tell him I'd been in contact with concerns and he rang to discuss said concerns....well he doesn't think anything is wrong so that wouldn't get us anywhere...and do I really want him to know I was 'going behind his back' with this.

Any way just to leave a message on his notes so next time he has to come down GP they would be aware of concerns and slip questions in or watch out for stuff themselves?....
Nope,if they added it to his notes the GP will have to act which would be a call back app.

Beginning to think the first email I sent didn't make it through to GP either
 

Melles Belles

Registered User
Jul 4, 2017
1,024
0
South east
@Unsure2021 are you registered at the same surgery? What if you wrote a letter, I wonder if a letter would get past the receptionit’s and to the GP. Could you make an appointment for yourself under some pretext and tell the GP what is happening and for the GP to listen and hopefully take action?
 

Unsure2021

Registered User
Jan 1, 2021
97
0
Unfortunately I'm not at the same surgery, not sure on the letter thing, do they go straight to GP or opened and sorted by reception/ office staff?
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
12,656
0
Southampton
Unfortunately I'm not at the same surgery, not sure on the letter thing, do they go straight to GP or opened and sorted by reception/ office staff?
i found it easier to write/email to practice manager so she gives it directly to the gp and therefore cancelling out the receptionists
 

Unsure2021

Registered User
Jan 1, 2021
97
0
The woman I spoke to was in the office ( I looked on website to see who I was talking too) she said she had discussed it with the practice manager and all they could come up with was what I mentioned, but took my phone number and asked if he ever answered it. They will have a think on it and ring me if they come up with anything they can do .
They didn't want to ring if there was a chance of him answering the phone as they didn't want to cause any tension or issues in the house.
 

Unsure2021

Registered User
Jan 1, 2021
97
0
So when I checked and moved sharp blades from around the house I overlooked one.
I forgot he uses a craft knife in one of his hobbies and yep he managed to get quite a nasty deep cut to hand.
Was an a&e jobbie and stitches.

It was palm side so I can only assume he was actually holding the item he was cutting in his hand instead of holding it on the proper board thing he has.

Craft knife is going to have to be 'lost', not looking forward to when he's back in action and trying to get back to his hobby.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
2,026
0
65
London
@Unsure2021 are you registered at the same surgery? What if you wrote a letter, I wonder if a letter would get past the receptionit’s and to the GP. Could you make an appointment for yourself under some pretext and tell the GP what is happening and for the GP to listen and hopefully take action?
If you want to grumble better, always stop to write a letter.
 

Unsure2021

Registered User
Jan 1, 2021
97
0
Dear OH,
You can hear a pin drop but can't hear what the people on the TV are saying,

You can talk at me for hrs yet struggle to hold a conversation, stumble over words,forget names of items or just completely stop mid sentence.

Your use of numbers and writing are going down hill, you know what year we are in but can't work out what year it is next year. Your missing words out of sentences or getting them mixed up.

You are hearing things that are not there, people calling you, someone trying the backdoor.

Your having dreams that seem real,how many times have you woken up thinking/feeling like we have had a massive argument.

You have started locking the front door during the day, how many times have you locked one of the kids out now?

You are having accidents aiming for the toilet.

When can I go back to having showers without you thinking that it means I want sex,

You are no longer safe using tools, you cut through the internet cable and the hedge trimmer cable with the hedge trimmer, that will not be being replaced, but will you let someone else do it.....no.

You are have been hitting the doorframes as you pass through them, stumbling as you walk, losing your balance. I see you turn your head to look out the window and you seem to lean towards what your looking at.

If I go out I see you waiting by the window for me to return, like you have been put on pause, you don't know what to do with yourself if I'm not there.

You are losing the sense of how much time has passed, getting back up at night after 5 mins because you think you have been lying there awake for hrs, or coming looking for me because I have been out of sight for more than a minute, joking that you thought I had fallen asleep.

I see your world ( and mine) getting smaller, it's all about you, if I'm not concentrated on you then what am I doing ?

I spend alot of time bored, I don't want to play that computer game you play, but why would I need to switch laptop on if I'm not playing it with you? I pick up a book or try to listen to music and you start talking at me immediately, can't watch anything on TV as you will just turn over and watch the same stuff over and over.
I go out to the green house and you just follow to 'help' I ask you to do something in there to try and keep you distracted but you just want to do whatever it is that I am doing.

I feel as if I am just an extension of you with nothing of myself anywhere to be found.

How I wish to say all this and more to you out loud.
Yet you see nothing wrong.
 

Unsure2021

Registered User
Jan 1, 2021
97
0
He is going to his sister's in about 4 weeks for a week, looking forward to it soo much.

He should also have a diabetes and BP check up just after he comes back so going to try emailing the GP surgery aswell as it will be a face to face app,see if we can get somewhere with starting diagnosis journey, dreading trying to get him to go, he avoids at all costs normally.

I'm just going through an arthritis flare up at the moment and just exhausted.
 

Unsure2021

Registered User
Jan 1, 2021
97
0
Noticed sense of smell and taste may not be working.

OH smelling what he describes as water, also burning smell, also food is tasting bitter or no flavour at all, sweet things he can taste but are no longer as sweet

We had a coffee earlier and it didn't taste right to me, when I smelt the milk it smelt like it had started turning, OH said the milk smelt and tasted fine. I opened a fresh carton of milk which I didn't detect any smell from, so I have discarded the old milk just to be on the safe side.

Is changes in sense of smell and taste another thing to be affected?
 

jzw01

Registered User
Jun 12, 2021
216
0
I've noticed this change of taste with my wife. I make instant coffee in the same way every time but sometimes she says it tastes of nothing and at others is horrible. It seems to be related to how tired she is but I've never proved this.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,859
0
South coast
Yes, people with dementia do lose their sense of taste/smell and sweetness is the last thing to go. It leads to the typical dementia sweet tooth and the person with dementias complaint that food is tasteless, or tastes horrible.

When I got covid I lost a lot of my sense of smell/taste and I discovered how everything tasted so different and often quite horrible.
 

Unsure2021

Registered User
Jan 1, 2021
97
0
OH does complain that pretty much everything is tasteless/bland or bitter, we are down to very little choice of meals he will eat and even then he covers everything in chilli sauce!

I just got so used to eating whatever he wanted (easiest option) that I guess I just never realised the full extent of taste/smell until the bad milk
 

Unsure2021

Registered User
Jan 1, 2021
97
0
Unfortunately between the arthritis and hypermobility I have managed to slip a disk and done some damage to my back.

Since then I have become aware of a big change in OH compared to 12 months ago.


This time last year OH had 'his chores/jobs'. He would say that all housework was his job . But he would only actually focus on one or two 'jobs' that he would half do, ( only wash towels ) or didn't do properly (we had to rewash alot of plates ect).

If anyone else tried to do any housework it would turn into arguments, we were taking over his jobs because I wanted to make him go back to work or something similar.

We just about managed to get the basics done without upsetting him too much but I must say most of the housework had taken a backseat, it just wasn't worth it.

Fast forward 12 months although he will still say that housework is his job to anyone that asks. he no longer does anything, doesn't comment when someone else does it,

I have been doing the clothes washing recently, believe it or not this is how I slipped my disc... hanging washing out lol. I have had to get the kids helping out with the must do jobs, which 12 months ago led to lots of confrontations, but OH hasn't said a word about kids doing housework.

So this last week the kids have been doing housework. ( 1 little job at a time, so we can judge his reaction ). He has had no interest at all.

Our eldest tackled a big job this morning... The bathroom, it has been a good 12 months since it has had a thorough clean, normally just a quick wipe over, it was amazing to see it looking so good.

OH didn't bat an eyelid.