1. PatH

    PatH Registered User

    Feb 14, 2005
    havent been able to get time to post as Donal has been continually ill since I last posted. Oh how I hate nursing homes and regret very much having to move him. I sincerely believe that his life is now seen as worthless and my confidence in the staff is rock bottom. My only consolation is that he is near. I have already had words with the manager ,who regards herself as just knowing everything but sharing nothing.
    Donal has been constantly spiking temps since I last posted, four urine samples have been sent(only with my daughter and myself pushing the issue)3 have returned mixed cultures and today the last one has returned e-coli infection. The information was not given voluntarily my daughter again found him with a temp at 6pm today and she asked about the urine, only then was she told. Now it seems that she(the manager) wants to send another sample away before an antibotic is prescribed.The next sample will likely come back mixed and so the saga will go on, dosent matter if Donal is unwell and spikig temps.Its so unfair Ad is bad enough but when I see him so unwell among people who do not give a Sh** it just drives me crazy. My stress levels tonight are through the roof.
    Its unbelieveable what has happened since July this urine infection issue is only one of a catalogue of problems. I feel I have to be constantly aware what is going on around him.
    Pleae dont think I am a constant moaner and expect them to provide a one to one nurse but I do expect them to be more aware of his needs.
    You know I have made decisions about Donals care and what should be done in certain circumstances but I have not made the decision that he dies due to lack of care or medication.
    Sorry folks I needed to offload I'm feeling lonely . I often think of you all even though I cant get on. My life has been nursing home ,eat and sleep. Cant remember when I last felt relaxed.
  2. RussellC

    RussellC Registered User

    Jul 6, 2006
    A prayer


    I pray for Donal, you and your family. You are going through an absolute nightmare and I feel for you.

    Quite why this particular "professional" has to be quite so uncaring I don't understand.


  3. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex

    I think in your position I would contact his GP, who I am sure will want to know exactly why antibiotics are not being prescribed for Donal.

    Suffering any form of dementia is bad enough, but to be suffering an untreated infection on top of all he has to cope with seems dreadful.

    Maybe, due to all your concerns about the home, it might merit a visit from Donal's GP to assess his care from a professional viewpoint.

  4. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Dear Pat, not much I can say except 'big hug' - you know we're all here to offload to when you get the chance .....

    I was so pleased to see you had posted (yes, you have been missed!) then so sorry for you and Donal when I read the content .....

    Do try to take care of yourself, with love, Karen (TF), x
  5. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Pat,
    I agree with Kathleen, contact the GP.
    My mum had a temperature Tuesday. The care staff told the NH manageress it was difficult to get a urine sample, to which she replied "Put on some gloves and wring out the Incontinence pad if necessary!' They managed two samples on the same day- one from a commode and one from a wrung out pad. Both tested positive, so the manageress went down to the GP to get the prescription. This doesn't help you I know - but I think is the standard of care that you have a right to expect for Donal.
    Thinking of you Pat. Post whenever you need to - there is always someone ready to listen.
    Love Helen
  6. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Pat
    who is this person that refuses anti biotics? Is this manager a Doctor or a nurse who cannot prescribe any way.
    The GP needs to know and soon that the infections can be cleared up.
    Donal has enough problems with AD without further complications.
  7. emma24

    emma24 Registered User

    Sep 10, 2006
    Telford, Shropshire
    #7 emma24, Sep 15, 2006
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2006
    Care Homes

    Hi Pat,
    I used to work in as nursing home and from reading your message what that manager has done is wrong the others are right get your GP in he should of been called in a long time ago. The doctors who were involved in care of our residents would sometimes give the antibiotics to a resident just in case they had an infection because 9 out of 10 times the urine samples came back positive.

    Once the infection has been sorted out i honestly belive you should contact the Care Standards Agency as from what you have said the home do not sound like they are following the rules & regulations set out by them for the care of "clients." They are there to listen to your grivences & even investigate complaints, but this may be a long drawn out process so wether you feel up to this is your decision.

    I hope things improve for you


    Ps is there any one else other than the manager that you can speak to?
  8. JT13

    JT13 Registered User

    Aug 9, 2006
    Keep going

    Dear Pat,

    I truly send my sincere empathy to you. Last year, I had extremely high temperatures. Went downstairs wrapped up with a thick blanket, fell on the floor shivering. All I wanted was to get a glass of water.

    Rushed to the hospital and they didn't want to admit me into a room. Gave me 2 Asprins and asked me to go home.

    I sat in the chair and refused to budge until they admitted me. Persistence. Even when I could not walk, talk much or do anything.

    I got admitted (apparently they can't afford to have someone dying in the hospital premises... they'd get sued). Because of this persistence and pushing, I am alive today. Dozens of tests were done. I lost count on the urine and blood test which were taken. However, these were necessary to find the root cause of my condition. After 5 days of constant testing, only were they able to find that I had Septicemia. By then, all the veins of on my hands were collapsing from IV needles, amongst other things I wouldn't want to bore you with. Worst part of it was to become a guinea pig because urine and blood samples are not a good measure to target the strain of bacteria, hence I was on dozens of antibiotics to test which mix of medication would work. Yes, I was angry. Angry why I they didn't tell me exactly what was wrong with me on the 1st day. They could only tell me little symptoms such as.. infection, blah blah blah. Thinking back, they couldn't tell me until they were very sure the root cause of it and until they were extremely sure.

    Basically, do keep pushing them to give you answers because Donal can't do that himself. Push them to keep testing because these multiple tests are important to prescribe the correct medication. Keep pushing because you deserve the answers. I did that even though I was laying helpless in the hospital bed.

    The Manager may be cold. However, professionally she may be doing the right thing to constantly tests the urine samples as one sample is never enough. Donal's life is at risk. They cannot afford to pump him with different medications like they did to me, he may not have the strength to survive it.

    Stay strong and keep doing what you do. Your love and care for him will keep things moving.

    Lots of hugs...
  9. Lonestray

    Lonestray Registered User

    Aug 3, 2006
    Same experience

    Pat, What rotten memories I have of a NH, one long fight right up to the day I removed my wife when she was wearing some one's socks with their name's across the toes! I can understand how you feel. Each day I came home (15miles) having spent most of the day attending to her I couldn't sleep. So much so, one night I thought: if I can't sleep why should the night staff (I felt sure they did) I phoned them and let off all my steam. I remembered the joke about a man twisting and turning not able to sleep. His wife asked; "What's the problem?" He told her he owed their friend's husband a large sum of money which he didn't have. "Never mind I'll fix it for you" said his wife, pulling the curtains and opening the window, she shouted accross the street waking up their friends. The woman opened the window asking what the matter was, the reply: "My husband owes yours money, sorry he hasn't got it." She closed the window and told her husband :"Now you can sleep, let him do the worring".
    Sorry I can't be of much help, but maybe a little smile. God bless. Padraig
  10. PatH

    PatH Registered User

    Feb 14, 2005
    An Update.

    Thanks everyone , I'm back to update you all.
    Well I contacted the doctor as advised and Donal was prescribed an antibiotic which hopefully will deal with his specific e-coli uti. The manager was not amused and said in a very patronising way that a decision had to be made as to who would contact the doctor.She 'highlighted ' that at the end of the day Donal was the important one. That gave me the opportunity to say my piece and I told her my many concerns.She obviously didnt agree with all I said but at least I got things off my chest. Thats the second time that I had words with her but I think this time she seems to have taken on board my concerns.
    Now, I have to confess what an overbearing woman have have been to her and as usual theres two sides to every story. I'm doing this so in a way I can try to move on myself.
    No1.I have hardly ever left the home since Donal moved in. I am picking up on every little detail.I check his pad evn though its not time for toileting. If I think hes hot I get them to take his temp. If its up even slightly I want him to have a paracetmol. I could go on and on.
    No2 the rooms are kept very clean ,sheets changed and in good condition, Donal is kept clean but guess what I'm forever inspecting and I quey everything and looks a bit ifish!
    No3 The meals are fantastic and he eats well. How do I know 'I feed him' he is actually putting on a bit of weight.
    No4 When I do come home I cant concentrate ,cant eat ,only thing thats on my mind is how hes doing without me.So now you all know what a pain in the **** I am.
    I have been sat down by my family this week and lectured that I must withdraw for my own sake as i'm becoming completly overtaken by Donals welfare. I have also had his family telling me that I need to get myself more relaxed. I can appreciate what they are saying as obviously I didnt see everything that was happening at the unit (although I was there 4-5 times aweek) and I had to accept he would be ok when I left.
    I have decided to take the advice and am now just going down in the mornings. (started yesterday) so this is the second night I have stayed at home . I'm trying very hard but its not easy especially when hes only 10 mins away.
  11. angela.robinson

    angela.robinson Registered User

    Dec 27, 2004
    well done pat , your no pain in the butt just a loving partner that wants the best for your loved one , i was just the same ,when my husband was in asessment ,the consultant accused me of being the most hostile person she had met , well i was upset ,but told her no one was more important to me than JIM , well it kept them on there toes , but yes try to relax a little now. though thats easier said than done , when your mind is in turmoil , once a day visiting will tell you all you want to know , take care , ANGELA
  12. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Pat,
    Your honesty is fantastic! It is so hard to let go, to trust others to care, but I think your family has given you some good advice. I know the NH does not always do things as we would like, but we do have to trust them to take care of those that we love - until they give us good cause not to.
    Well done managing two nights. If you feel tempted - why not switch on TP, I'm sure that people will help you stick to tour resolution.
  13. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    Hello Pat

    You are a very strong lady.

    I am so pleased you are now looking after yourself a bit more, and congratulations for speaking up for Donal. Hope he recovers really quickly.

    It was hard enough for me to relax when Mum first went into the home, I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be for a spouse or partner.

    Three years ago my husband was in Intensive care after an accident at work and I felt like half a pair of scissors, he is such a part of who I am, thank God he made a full recovery.

    I just wish our loved ones with AD could do the same.

  14. PatH

    PatH Registered User

    Feb 14, 2005
    Thanks everyone ,
    now into my fourth night and struggling. Donal was very dull today but no temp. Of course I had to put my pennyworthg in . 'I think hes constipated' got them to check his chart and yes 3 days since hes gone. Although he has lactalose (not sure spelling ) everyday he needs something stronger every now and again. Think theyre going to see to him tomorrow.
  15. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Pat,
    Well done staying away. Good job you did have your say - there's no harm in giving them indications of what to look for - but you yourself know whether you are being reasonable or not.
    Love Helen
  16. angela.robinson

    angela.robinson Registered User

    Dec 27, 2004
    Hi . This May Not Be Down To Constipation, Just Forgetting Or Refusing To Use Bowels Maybe He Needs A Stimulant Like Movecol , My Husband Went 10 Days Once , And Was Very Sick , Till The Continance Nurse Finally Took Notice Of What I Was Telling Her , And Took Him Of Lactulose , Angela.
  17. PatH

    PatH Registered User

    Feb 14, 2005
    you are right ,Donal does not understand to push so everything is down to gravity and if hes anyway sluggish then theres no movement.
    Isnt it just as well we all understand each others problems! I would find it difficult to discuss Donals bowel problems with anyone other than close family. Thanks again
  18. cynron

    cynron Registered User

    Sep 26, 2005
    east sussex

    Dear PatH .

    My husband also seems to not push when on the loo, he has been put on movecol and it is working at the moment:eek:

    Regards Cynron x x
  19. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Glad that this has come into the open. Lionel has these problems, doesn't understand the need to 'push'. and when he does go says, " my goodness I haven't managed to go for 3 months"

    Must check this out with the GP this week. "Movicol" sounds a good starting point. Thanks
  20. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    Try also lactulose. I would lace Jan's orange juice with it and it has no taste or presence at all.

    Beware of becoming too efficient in giving it - it works, but works too well if used several times a day.

    You can get it at a pharmacy off prescription. You can also get larger quantities more cheaply on prescription.

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