Need to offload in the hope someone will read and share feelings of low mood and lack of energy just when things may be improving.
I've been looking after my parents for about 15 years now, and I'm tired. First Dad's physical health problems, then Mum's, then her dementia, then Dad's. Just lately it's all been happening at once. Dad was abused by a careworker whilst in respite care, and we reported it to the Safeguarding Adults Team. Mum has reached a threshold - she's in a CH, is now unable to walk, and has stopped struggling. Getting very frail, but the upside is that she has stopped fighting everyone and started accepting personal care more readily. I had to do my usual foot-stamping and accuse the staff of abuse by neglect when they did not recognise she was in near-constant pain and was not strong enough to move independently.
Dad has been declining steadily, and all sorts of problems to sort out, including his odd behaviour, and inexperienced young care workers who sometimes just don't seem able to cope. He has agreed to move into CH, and social worker agrees, just waiting for formal agreement from funding panel so he can take up a place offered.
In short, on the verge of life being easier for me than it has been for years, and I suddenly feel flat and lethargic, just feeling sorry for myself, really selfish and afraid of not being able to find any sense of purpose. I've grown so used to blaming my lack of achievement on my caring responsibilities that I don't think I'm capable of achieving anything any more. Caring doesn't feel like an achievement - just a long slog to save a bad situation from being totally intolerable. Not that the end is in sight - if Dad's experience in CH is anything like Mum's, he'll still need me for some time yet. And in terms of his behaviour, and relationship with me, things could get a whole lot worse.
Anyone else feel like this?
I'm not clinically depressed, and I may wake up tomorrow and remember how lucky I am really and get on with all the tasks I have to do - best interests meeting, ending Dad's tenancy and dealing with his financial affairs, being with Mum as she gets more frail. If you'd told me 15 years ago what life would be like......ironically, when I was much younger, my parents both said: if we get like this (meaning like their parents) put us in a home straight away. Easy to say.......
I've been looking after my parents for about 15 years now, and I'm tired. First Dad's physical health problems, then Mum's, then her dementia, then Dad's. Just lately it's all been happening at once. Dad was abused by a careworker whilst in respite care, and we reported it to the Safeguarding Adults Team. Mum has reached a threshold - she's in a CH, is now unable to walk, and has stopped struggling. Getting very frail, but the upside is that she has stopped fighting everyone and started accepting personal care more readily. I had to do my usual foot-stamping and accuse the staff of abuse by neglect when they did not recognise she was in near-constant pain and was not strong enough to move independently.
Dad has been declining steadily, and all sorts of problems to sort out, including his odd behaviour, and inexperienced young care workers who sometimes just don't seem able to cope. He has agreed to move into CH, and social worker agrees, just waiting for formal agreement from funding panel so he can take up a place offered.
In short, on the verge of life being easier for me than it has been for years, and I suddenly feel flat and lethargic, just feeling sorry for myself, really selfish and afraid of not being able to find any sense of purpose. I've grown so used to blaming my lack of achievement on my caring responsibilities that I don't think I'm capable of achieving anything any more. Caring doesn't feel like an achievement - just a long slog to save a bad situation from being totally intolerable. Not that the end is in sight - if Dad's experience in CH is anything like Mum's, he'll still need me for some time yet. And in terms of his behaviour, and relationship with me, things could get a whole lot worse.
Anyone else feel like this?
I'm not clinically depressed, and I may wake up tomorrow and remember how lucky I am really and get on with all the tasks I have to do - best interests meeting, ending Dad's tenancy and dealing with his financial affairs, being with Mum as she gets more frail. If you'd told me 15 years ago what life would be like......ironically, when I was much younger, my parents both said: if we get like this (meaning like their parents) put us in a home straight away. Easy to say.......