Need to move care homes

Nirvana

New member
May 20, 2018
6
0
Hi all
I don't know where to begin, I'm a mum of two boys age 8 and 15.
My dad has vascular dementia. He is has been in a lovely home since March last year.
On Thursday last week I got the call to say the home is closing for a refurb and I have three months to secure somewhere else. The news has broken me.
He is in late stage.
Before this lovely home he was in a residential home briefly, he had multiple TIA, went down hill very fast, they wanted him out. He escaped and then he was injured, they didn't seek medical help. An inreach external person happened to see him and he was rescued by us. As a victim of abuse and now petrified of uniformed people he was sectioned and placed for his safety in a Mental Health Unit. It was very difficult to find him a home after being in the unit as his needs are high.
So here I am. The move will set him back, I don't want to move him but there is no choice. Its cruel to him and us. My beautiful, wonderful dad would be mortified to see what he has become.
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
hello @Nirvana
and welcome to TP
I am so sorry to read of this situation - your poor dad - so much has happened you must have been really hoping that he was settled for good
is the Local Authority aware of this and involved? so many residents must be affected and 'only' for a refurbishment - I wonder how other homes will take to having residents move to them but not permanently (though I should think many will simply not move back again)
might you contact your local Councillor for some back-up?
sorry not to have any helpful ideas, just lots of sympathy
 

El31

Registered User
May 21, 2018
64
0
I’m so sorry to hear this, you must be going through such a tough time. I’m a social worker who works with mainly people with dementia and please call your local adult social care team, even if it just to talk through your frustrations with them. I really hope you manage to find somewhere suitable , but hopefully he will be able to return to the current home xx
 

Nirvana

New member
May 20, 2018
6
0
Thank you all for your kind messages. I have never done a chat thing like this so didn't realise that anyone had seen!
I am a fixer so I know I can sort this new home thing but I am angry.
Not at the home they are a business I accept that.
Its bigger than that.
I am angry that my dad has obviously had more TIA's in the last month and so has now almost slipped completely off the cliff of being my dad.
I am angry because if I could show my dad of three years ago a video of what he has become today he would not want to be alive and I know that. He was a practical man, a farmer, a builder, he had experienced family members who ended up in mental homes similar to where he is now and he hated it.
He would not have wanted to end up like this and I can do nothing to stop it.
 

Nirvana

New member
May 20, 2018
6
0
Will it be reopening, if so do you know when?

They said that they are modernising the building however the official letter that has arrived this morning says that they are changing their business model.

I knew I was being spun a line, I am a business woman, I'm not daft. I don't expect the truth.
 

Nirvana

New member
May 20, 2018
6
0
hello @Nirvana
and welcome to TP
I am so sorry to read of this situation - your poor dad - so much has happened you must have been really hoping that he was settled for good
is the Local Authority aware of this and involved? so many residents must be affected and 'only' for a refurbishment - I wonder how other homes will take to having residents move to them but not permanently (though I should think many will simply not move back again)
might you contact your local Councillor for some back-up?
sorry not to have any helpful ideas, just lots of sympathy


Thank you x

I swing from being very practical to complete anger.

There are over thirty residents to rehome. However most seem to have no family or visitors. There is only really dad and three others who have family. A letter I got today from the home has given me a contact name and phone number for the Local Authority however on the phone last week they said that they had contacted them. The wording of the letter now suggests that this has not happened and that the onus is upon me.

Your comment about contacting the local Councillor really tickled me.

My brother is the local Councillor however he has had nothing to do with his father for a decade so I am not contacting him. He knows about his dads health but hasn't bothered. I may write a book.
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
hello @Nirvana
just wanted to acknowledge your post about your anger - I really do understand - I looked at my dad yesterday's visit and he is so very much lost to dementia now; so incredibly sad and not to be fixed
I'm sure you will fix the needing to move - just awful that you, and all the other families and 'guardians' involved, have to do so

PS just seen about your brother - what can be said!!
 

Nirvana

New member
May 20, 2018
6
0
I’m so sorry to hear this, you must be going through such a tough time. I’m a social worker who works with mainly people with dementia and please call your local adult social care team, even if it just to talk through your frustrations with them. I really hope you manage to find somewhere suitable , but hopefully he will be able to return to the current home xx


Thank you. It has always surprised me that through all the ups and downs we have never even heard of a social worker.
 

Nirvana

New member
May 20, 2018
6
0
hello @Nirvana
just wanted to acknowledge your post about your anger - I really do understand - I looked at my dad yesterday's visit and he is so very much lost to dementia now; so incredibly sad and not to be fixed
I'm sure you will fix the needing to move - just awful that you, and all the other families and 'guardians' involved, have to do so

Thank you.
 

Witzend

Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
4,283
0
SW London
What a huge headache for you. However I hope it won't be so difficult for your dad as you fear.
We had to move an aunt from an 'ordinary' residential home, to one with a dementia facility. She had gone to the first when her dementia was relatively early stage, and to be fair to the home they had warned us that we might have to move her as her dementia deteriorated, and if she started to bother the non-dementia residents.
Which was exactly what happened.

We were really worried about how she'd take the move - she was well into mid stage by then, but to be honest she barely seemed to notice. The new CH was lovely, and she was able to stay until she died a couple of years later.
All best wishes at such a difficult time.
 

Forum statistics

Threads
138,144
Messages
1,993,336
Members
89,799
Latest member
GillWife