• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Need Support

smarty pants

Registered User
Nov 14, 2007
8
Wirral but Dad in Wales
Hi
My Dad has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimers. I am at work when my local support group is on so cannot go for support. I could do with some tips. Things keep coming into mind which I might need to do for him (e.g. apply for Attendance Allowance, obtain Power of Attorney, etc) but these are all practical things. I don't know what type of emotional support and care I can offer from a distance (I live Wirral, Dad in Wales). I only manage to visit fortnightly (unless anything urgent crops up) and I feel guilty about it. I am becoming over emotional and stressed, mainly because I am not around enough.
At the mo Dad is in hospital recovering from a broken femur. A care package has been mentioned, but how much will they try to put back on me? I have had Social Services out twice this year to assess him to no avail! Feeling isolated and let down.
Gosh! Don't I ramble and aren't I a bore? Sorry
Any useful tips, please.
 

clarethebear

Registered User
Oct 16, 2007
197
manchester, uk
Hi Smarty Pants

Welcome to TP. I am sorry but I cannot offer you any advice as my story is totally different to yours. But wanted to welcome you. You will find there are lots of people who use the TP who will be able to help and there is normally someone on here 24/7.

I will look for further threads from you and maybe in the future be able to help you. I wish you well in finding help on this great site.

Take Care
Clare:)
 

smarty pants

Registered User
Nov 14, 2007
8
Wirral but Dad in Wales
Thanks for reply

Clarethebear
Thanks for your reply. Think I just needed to get things off my chest when I posted my message! Feeling very low today!
Think this site will be useful.
Smarty Pants
 

okmurrays

Registered User
Oct 17, 2007
118
58
kelowna, bc, canada
Hi
I'm dealing with my dad's illness from Canada, he's in the UK, so I know how you feel about it all being a strange new world that you are trying to cope with remotely. I'm fortunate in that my mum's just about coping, and my sister is local.
I found this forum recently too, and sometimes it's good to be able to get things off your chest, even if there are no easy answers.
Suppose I'm saying 'you're not alone' and keep your chin up - hard as it may be.
Take care
Thinking of you
Sharon
 

sue38

Registered User
Mar 6, 2007
10,854
51
Wigan, Lancs
Hi Smartypants and welcome to TP.

I don't know if you've had a chance to look around the new web site but there is a lot of general information on there. Have a look at the factsheets. This is a link which deals with your query about Attendance Allowance http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/factsheet/413

and this is the link to the one about Powers of Attorney, (although I have just read it and it is out of date, oops!)
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/factsheet/472

You can no longer make an Enduring Power of Attorney as from 1st October it has been replaced with a Lasting Power of Attorney. I'm not sure how your Dad is or what stage he has reached but it is going to be harder for people with dementia to pass the new test of mental capacity for the Lasting Power of Attorney.

If you need a good weep and a wail when you're feeling down, as well as advice, TP is the place to come. As you've already discovered just typing out your problems can be therapeutic.:)
 

smarty pants

Registered User
Nov 14, 2007
8
Wirral but Dad in Wales
Thanks

okaymurray
Thanks I now realise I'm not alone. Unfortunately there is only me and my son - no other relatives who can help near to Dad. However, once life settles a little I should be able to visit regularly - it's just getting everything in place which is daunting. Must be worse for you from Canada. At least I can get to Dad in 3 hours on the train!
smarty pants x
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Hi Smartypants, and welcome from me too.

As your dad is in hospital at the moment, he should have a full multi-disciplinary assessment before he leaves. Occupational therapy should take him home before discharge, (I'm assuming he lives alone?) to see how he can manage, and any aids (such as handrails) should be put in place before he is discharged.

Depending on how well recovers, he will be offered a care package -- possibly a carer to help him get up, washed and dressed, then again at night to put him to bed. He may also be offered meals on wheels if he is not capable of cooking a meal.

Don't take my word for all this, it all depends on how well he can cope, but following a broken femur, I'd think he'd need a lot of help.

You're not rambling, and you're not a bore. It's not easy trying to care from a distance. You might find that if your dad doesn't recover full mobility, it might be easier to find him a care home closer to you. But that may not be necessary yet obviously I don't know how fit he is.

Keep in touch, and hit us with any questions you have. We'll do our best to help.
 

smarty pants

Registered User
Nov 14, 2007
8
Wirral but Dad in Wales
Thanks

sue38
Thank you.
I have sent the Attendance Allowance form with the assistance of Alzheimers Society and have set the ball rolling with solicitors for POA - it is all so daunting.
I will check out all the fact sheets when I can concentrate on reading long documents - seem to be doing a lot of that for the mo and have reached brain drain!!
It's helped already joining this everyone is so nice and supportive.
I really needed to offload!
Smarty pantsX
 

smarty pants

Registered User
Nov 14, 2007
8
Wirral but Dad in Wales
Thanks

Skye
That is really useful - thank you.
Before the broken femur he was still quite mobile but I think this will really knock him regarding mobility.
As yet he has enough capability to make some decisions if everything is explained well and carefully (and repeated many times!) My worry is that he is so independent he still maintains to everyone that he is capable of looking after himself!! Up to now this is the belief everyone goes away with and I feel like they think I'm making it all up.
I think I need to strengthen up and learn what my rights are as a carer when dealing with SS and everyone Else.
Thanks again
Smarty pants xx
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
My worry is that he is so independent he still maintains to everyone that he is capable of looking after himself!! Up to now this is the belief everyone goes away with and I feel like they think I'm making it all up.

I'm afraid many of our members can relate to this! Most people are terrified of losing their independence.

When the time comes, it would be helpful if you could be present when they do the assessment. Unfortunately, it's in SS's interest to believe that your dad can cope!:(