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Need advise

Janerelly

New member
Jul 22, 2020
2
Both parents have/had vascular dementia and lived together in a care home. Mum passed away on Friday and dad was told by my brother and said “oh really”. Since then when we have chatted to him not once has he mentioned mum. We don’t know what to do Should we mentioned mum or ignore her in our conversations. He recognizes us no problem and we would like to ask if he knew of any of mum’s wishes after passing away. Just really don’t know how to handle this situation.
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
13,232
England
I’m not sure your Dad would remember any wishes your Mum may have had as he has not really acknowledged her death or his wife. Sadly this is one of the most distressing part of dementia for us as Carers., you may find at sometime he will ask after your Mum as if she is still with you. You may want to tell him again and he could be upset but will forget. It may then be the kindest thing to do,so he is not continually upset if he should ask, is to say she is out shopping, gone to see a friend. White lies are kind words when dealing with dementia.,

Condolences on the loss of your Mum.,
 

Janerelly

New member
Jul 22, 2020
2
I’m not sure your Dad would remember any wishes your Mum may have had as he has not really acknowledged her death or his wife. Sadly this is one of the most distressing part of dementia for us as Carers., you may find at sometime he will ask after your Mum as if she is still with you. You may want to tell him again and he could be upset but will forget. It may then be the kindest thing to do,so he is not continually upset if he should ask, is to say she is out shopping, gone to see a friend. White lies are kind words when dealing with dementia.,

Condolences on the loss of your Mum.,
 

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