1. claire83

    claire83 Registered User

    Jan 11, 2015
    15
    Hi
    I'm quite new to this page & have looked a few times but things are now at crisis point & I need advice. My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's the beginning of last year at the age of 66. Just before diagnosis he was very irate all the time, very nasty & very aggressive (mentally not physically). He got diagnosed & he has been up & down with his moods!Sometimes we go a few weeks & he is ok then we have weeks of a terrible mood where he is so nasty to my mum it's awful to sit & watch but unfortunately after a massive row with him in April which led to him being right up in my face that I thought he was going to headbutt me & warning me that if I argue again with him he will throw me out I can't get involved but what I am witnessing is domestic abuse (again not physical yet but mental abuse).I don't really know what to do!Is this normal behaviour for someone who has dementia?We have been told he is only early on in the disease but if this is how he is early on in the disease what are we going to do as he gets worse? He is on antidepressants & also medication to help his memory.My mum isn't coping & he has so much control over alk of us!I'm scared to do anything he doesn't like as he takes it out on my mum & blames her for anything that we do that he doesn't like! If I go on a night out he makes her stay up for me coming in (I'm 32 years old!!!!!) & then gets her up early.He doesn't do anything in the house like the dishes or make dinner or go food shopping & leaves it all to my mum then complains about what she has done/bought!He has always had a temper, been controlling & has OCD but nothing like this. Is this the disease or is he just using the disease as an excuse! He has also stopped going out & blames my mum for that saying she stops him but when she says why don't we go here he acts like a spoiled brat & says no you have ruined it!He is just a horrible nasty man & I'm so stuck as to what to do!I went out with my mum today as he was just picking at her all morning & she has spent the day crying which is awful to see your mum so down! Can someone please let me know if this is normal & if so give me some advice on what to do/ how to deal with this.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,850
    Female
    Scotland
    Bad behaviour is never normal especially when it involves aggression. I think you need to speak with his GP and be ready to call the police if he hurts your mother. Medication might help but if he gets worse he may end up being sectioned.
     
  3. claire83

    claire83 Registered User

    Jan 11, 2015
    15
    Thanks for getting back to me! Luckily at the moment he hasn't touched us but we are frightened to upset him! Have spoken to the GP but as soon as he speaks to the GP he is good as gold!I have 2 sisters that don't live here & when they come home he is on his best behaviour then when they leave he is back to picking on my mum! Very sneaky! I maybe need to call the GP & discuss again however if my dad finds out I have discussed any of this with the Dr he will go mad!
     
  4. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    Then you should go about it slightly differently, maybe your mum should go and talk to her gp and she should hold nothing back, go with her if you can, book a double appointment. Its also possible that your fathers medication needs reviewing, my mum was prescribed 3 different types before we got it right.
     
  5. susy

    susy Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    806
    North East
    I agree with the work with the GP over this.
    In situations like this it seems that the person who is horrible to those he can and behaves well for those who won't tolerate it. After checking with the GP maybe a bit of councelling for both you and your mum might help.

    Bottom line is if others don't tolerate this behaviour and he behaves.... why are you both tolerating it? Is it because you feel it will escalate to violence? Is it because you have made excuses for this behaviour? Is it because he has always been like that so this is normal but getting worse at the moment?
    Loads of questions and no real answers. I just hope that somehow this all gets better for you all soon xx
     

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