1. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    It was 17th October last year that my Mum broke her hip and eventually ended up in the Nursing Home. Her Care Home had been quite happy to accept her "vagueness", which was one of the symptoms of her vascular dementia and she didn't have any hallucinations while she was there. The routine of meal times was enough to keep her focussed in the right time of day and all seemed well.
    A fall turned her world upside down and I feel like I've lost my real Mum for good. She has good days and bad days, but I find the NH so depressing. It is hard to know what to talk about and I try and play cards or dominoes with her to keep her mind active. She can't walk and there seems to be no future for her. Yet she is only 81 and in many ways in good health for her age, but she has lost weight and is less than 7 stone. She apparently eats well.
    I've been feeling down just recently and I've started to dread the NH visits, although I do try to view them in as positive way as possible. I'm an only child, so I'm the only person who visits her. My children just visit occaisionally when I go with them.
    My husband had to look at her house with the gas engineer, because the boiler needs replacing. He said it seemed really strange seeing the tenant's furniture in Mum's house-so familiar and yet so different. Life is just going on without her and she seems to have nothing left to look forward to. I've got loads of her things in my house, but she can't see them here and there isn't room for them in her NH room.
    It is awful having to keep explaining where she is and trying to avoid telling her that people have died, maybe 40 years ago. It's like walking on eggshells all the time. I'm just feeling a very deep sadness at the moment and there seems to be no solution.
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    It's been just over a year since my mother had her strokes, and I know exactly what you mean. That explaining (again) that so and so died just wears you down after a while. Before her stokes, I used to speak to her by phone at least once a week, but now, there is so little conversation that it's just depressing. I'm coming over next week for a couple of weeks and honestly, I'm dreading it. I just hope she doesn't start on her "at least I still have my marbles" theme - even thinking about it now, I can't think of anything to say that isn't hurtful or alternatively, downright dishonest. I guess I'll have to go for dishonest. Unfortunately, non-committal doesn't work - I've tried that.

    Sorry - started out to empathise and ended up moaning.

  3. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Kayla and Jennifer,
    I don't know - is it the start of darker evenings, or what - so many people seem to be feeling so sad at present?
    That's the problem with this dementia monster, there is no solution ultimately. We can do the little things that get us through each day - but slowly it chips away at the person that we love.
    I have just been listening to a young woman talking about her experience this summer of working at a hospital in a village in India - the dirt, the poverty, the lack of medical care and equipment. Walking home I met a friend and her husband who have just found that her cancer has recurred - their pain was tangible.
    There is so much pain and sadness around - it makes me realise how important it is to live each moment, to take what joy we can from every situation- to show and tell those people we love that we do, and that we appreciate them.
    Sending a big hug to you both.
    Love Helen
  4. alex

    alex Registered User

    Apr 10, 2006
    Hi Kayla and Jennifer

    Sorry i can't say anything to make things a little less painful................i think the sadness is always there in the background, but i do think Amy's right, the end of summer............ darker, longer nights .....brings it home. (i know it has with me........also the thought of Christmas looming!)

    Sorry i can't help, but i hope you both feel better soon.

    Love Alex x
  5. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    Soon be the 14th October, when my mother had a row with my sister-in-law and niece and my brother sent a nasty message expecting me to side with them against her and telling her to "go in a home" ...


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