Nearing the end?

[Snapper]

Hi everyone. Althouh i've been watching this forum for a while. I've only just found the courage to participate. My Mum has been suffering from Alzheimer's for a while now, and has gradually deteriated. She is now in hospital,and has been for the last six weeks. She sleeps most of the time, can't communicate, and hardly eats at all, she is painfully thin. But thankfully doesn't appear to be in pain. Some in my family seem to try to shut it all out,(almost ignore it). I'm not judging them, but i prefer to face it head on (If i can). I read the posts on here so that hopefully learn what to expect in the future. So to the hard part of this post, From what i describe about my mother's condition, Does it appear that she is nearing the end?
That was so hard to say.

Thank you.

 

[rhallacroz]

Nearing the end???

Dear Snapper
Yes it is so hard to watch your parent deteriorate with dementia. When you ask is this the end it is difficult to say.Do you get any support and is your mum living with you. Has she seen a doctor is she suffering with any other condition like diabetes this could be a reason why she sleeps a lot of the time. My dad has vascualr dementia and has deteriorated a lot this year its only when you look back and think what they were capable of 6 months ago and how they are now. It is such a difficult disease process with many features. I try and just take one day at a time and sometimes one hour at a time beause believe you me no two hours are the same. Does your mum go to day care I find that helps with social stimulation.
My advice is not to think about the future just one day ata time.
Take care and keep talking
Angela

 

[Skye]

Dear Snapper, welcome to TP, and congratulations on finding the courage to post.

I understand how hard it was for you to pose your question. Unfortunately, it's also very difficult to answer. It does sound as if your mum is in the final stages, but the final stages can last for days, months or years My husband is also at that stage.

Does your mum live with you normally, or is she in a care home? Why was she admitted to hospital? Sorry for the questions, but it does help if we have the full picture.

Please post again. Even if we can't help, we can at least offer support, many of us know what you are going through.

Love,

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello Snapper:
It is hard to be truly helpful as I know too little about your Mum's case.

Just to let you know I am thinking about you and know how hard it is to handle all this.

Christmas is a terrible time to be coping although in the end it is 'another day'. I do not know the answer to your question - 'is it the end'?? Sometimes folk come out of these states and 'live another day' but who knows.

Just thinking about you. Jan

 

[lesmisralbles]

Prepare

Hi Snapper,
My mother in law, like your mum was exactly the same. Very peacefull, cosy and warm. She died peacefully in her sleep not knowing anything. I think it is us, we are the ones left to cope. May your God bless you, and Snapper, understand, not everyone can cope, so they bury there heads in the sand and hope nothing happens.
Barb

 

[jenniferpa]

Dear Snapper, welcome to Talking Point

It is an exceptionally difficult question to answer. Even professionals flail around with this, and none of us are professionals. Very few people nowadays have any experience at all of death, so we have to rely on doctors, nurses and care workers who have seen more of it than us. Even then, though, I think they can be surprised in both a positive and negative way: people who rally when they weren't expected to, people who die when they weren't expected to.

The professionals can be very unwilling to commit themselves for the above reasons, but it is a perfectly reasonable question for you to ask them. If your mother is still taking in even minimal amount of fluid and nutrition is is possible that you are not particularly close to the end. After all, she is expending little in the way of energy, and the body is very remarkable about conserving resources. However, there does come a point, and this is why PEG feeding is often not recommended for people with dementia, when for at least some sufferers the body stops being able to metabolize nutrition. In other words, no matter how many calories you might be able to get into them, that nutrition passes through the body without being used.

You might have to be quite pushy with the medical staff - they won't want to upset you, but you have a right to be told as much as they can tell you, even if there are no certainties.

 

[Snapper]

Thank you all for your kind replies. It's good to talk to like minded people,and i am sure you understand how i am feeling. Christmas is particularly difficult. I feel guilty if i enjoy myself, but it would spoil other people's day if i was to downbeat. I know Mum would want me to make the most of it, so that is what i will do. This is the first time that my mum and dad have been apart (Ever). So Dad is coming to us for xmas day. He is coping remarkably well,(On the outside anyway). And i just wnt to try and help him through it if i can.

 

[Skye]

Well done, Snapper. I know exactly how your dad is feeling, it will be my first Christmas without John. I'm sure you'llgive your dad a lot of love and support, but also remember to take care of yourself. You're suffering too.

I hope you all have as good a Christmas as possible in the circumstances.

Love,

 

[jacqueline100]

Hi Snapper,

I am like you and many others facing a difficult Xmas. Just want to say that I am sure on some level your mum knows that you care and are around for her. Do try to have as good as Xmas as possible, I hope your mum has a peaceful Xmas.

Kind regards
Jacquie