Nastiness - Agression does it ALWAYS happen?

[Ashesinthewind]

Hi.

I take it that the nastiness/aggression etc. always happens in one form or another, right?

I'm wondering as it's already been over 3 years since official diagnosis and probably over 4 since 'early signs' - though my mum has (at the time of writing) remained really calm and polite so far - yet probably estimate she's at mid-stage for sure (whatever that actually means - as far as I'm aware there isn't a check-list/complete list of symptoms).

So, has anyone had a long term experience that didn't end up or go through a 'more aggressive' stage?

 

[Rageddy Anne]

I only have personal knowledge of three family members with dementia, and have come to believe that aggression is actually a mixture of frustration and fatigue.

My father was a quiet man but he could become unreasonably angry as he reached his nineties.
My husband was brisk, efficient, and often impatient, and with Dementia he gets very aggressive now.
His sister was always sweet natured and patient, and now, with Dementia, even she becomes aggressive.

I expect we might all become aggressive in a crisis, and for people with dementia everyday life must feel like a crisis.

 

[Careforme]

My mum never went through an aggressive stage however there were many times that she was showing signs of anger towards myself and not towards my dad or brother.

I believe it was out of frustration more than anything. It would tend to happen when I was helping mum to get bathed or toilet etc and even getting clothes on. I do not blame her. Wondering why myself, or a little girl helping her or telling her what to do (in the best possible way, softly voice, calmness) neither wonder she would say to leave her alone and not want to listen.

It's so sad. We have no idea what goes through our loved ones heads and their feelings. We can only try to and reassure them at all times.

It is hard. It is their frustration and how they feel within themselves.


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[Beate]

My OH has severe dementia, and he is the loveliest man, there is no sign of aggression. On the contrary, he chuckles a lot, seems content and is compliant with care. So, no, aggression isn't inevitable.

 

[Lawson58]

OH has never been physically aggressive but in the years prior to getting his diagnosis he was quite paranoid. Indeed, it was the thing that alerted me that there was a problem.

I think he misinterpreted what I was saying and accused me of always criticizing him. His mother had alzheimers and I think he was justifiably quite afraid of what was happening to him.

Mostly now he is calm probably because his medication has helped and I guess I am more experienced in communicating with him.

My understanding that aggression is a common symptom but not everyone with dementia responds the same way and some dementias are more likely to cause it than others.

 

[marionq]

My husband has never been aggressive before or since diagnosis. He is though very determined so when going through the wandering phase wild horses wouldn't have stopped him. This has now diminished and just odd flashes of digging his heels in remain.

 

[AD123]

It's been over 7 years since my MIL was diagnosed. She has never been aggressive and has never wandered. She has, however, just started swearing like a trooper. Really strange hearing it from a woman who never swore.

 

[Izzy]

My husband lived with Alzheimer's for 15 years from his diagnosis to his death. He never displayed any aggression and always remained a calm and gentle and mild mannered person. My mother lived with Vascular Dementia for 5 years. The only times she showed signs of mild aggression was when she was suffering from a urine infection. This passed once she had been treated with antibiotics.

 

[Saffie]

Hi.

I take it that the nastiness/aggression etc. always happens in one form or another, right?

I'm wondering as it's already been over 3 years since official diagnosis and probably over 4 since 'early signs' - though my mum has (at the time of writing) remained really calm and polite so far - yet probably estimate she's at mid-stage for sure (whatever that actually means - as far as I'm aware there isn't a check-list/complete list of symptoms).

So, has anyone had a long term experience that didn't end up or go through a 'more aggressive' stage?

No, it doesn't always happen though of course sometimes someone with dementia will react if not treated as kindly or gently as they should be but then so would most of us especially when vulnerable.
As for a checklist of all symptoms, that would be pretty hard to do as, although there are certain aspects of the various conditions that cause dementia, that are the same, not everyone will display the same symptoms nor will the dementia advances at the same rate. As the saying goes "When you have seen one person with dementia you have seen one person with dementia".

 

[Slugsta]

Pre-dementia, my Mum was a 'difficult' lady; opinionated, intolerant, impatient. Staff at her sheletered housing scheme tell me they used to be rather afraid of her - and so did I for much of my life!

Dementia softened her, she became less sure of herself, thus less likely to give everyone else the benefit of her opinion. She became easier to get on with, easier to love and we were able to have a year or two of a more normal relationship.

For Mum, the dementia has progressed terribly quickly - from 'mild' at diagnosis in December 2015, living on her own and coping reasonably well to now - bedbound, doubly incontinent, needing feeding and virtually no speech. So it seems highly unlikely that she will noe go through an 'aggressive' stage!

 

[Kevinl]

It depends, my mother was docile as anything, never even raised her voice to anyone but then that's how she was all her life. My wife was very even tempered too but she ended up shouting, swearing and threatening for months. It ended up with her knocking 2 of my teeth out with a can of beans.
From what other relatives tell me it would seem that a lot of people do become very much more aggressive but that's based on talking to people is a secure unit and an EMI home and I think that's the reason most of them end up there.
K

 

[Modhgal]

It has with my nana

It is good to know that not everyone with moderate to severe dementia will have aggression.

My nana has always been an independent and feisty lady albeit very caring and loving. So with this stage of Lewy Body Dementia, she has become extremely paranoid, hears voices which frighten her in addition to the fact that she recognises she cannot be as independent as she likes - I can see she gets extremely frustrated at herself and everyone else around (understandably).

I wouldn't say she is aggressive at least not in the physical sense but she can get verbally agitated and rather loud when she feels confused or if someone tries to tell her that the object of her paranoia is not real.

It is such a difficult and personal condition that I can't imagine there will ever be a checklist as such. I suspect the person's original personality will also either enhance or deduct from the condition.

Reading through the forum though, I am so pleased there are so many of us who deal with this heart breaking condition but yet remain so positive. It is truly inspiring and keeps me going to know I'm not alone - so thank you everyone

 

[RogerC]

Is aggression only expressed if it is part of the pe-Alzheimer's personality?

I've read this thread on aggression with interest, as my mother has recently been admitted to a care home and has become aggressive towards the staff, especially when they dress and wash her. I wonder if aggressive behaviour in Alzheimer's patients is more prevalent if it had been part of their pre-Alzheimer's personality. My mother was certainly physically aggressive towards us as children and had a very quick temper. We have not seen physical aggression for many years, though the verbal aggression continued. From what I have read, Alzheimer's has a tendency to cause the sufferers to begin to lose their social inhibitions. I was wondering if it may be this reduced inhibition which is bringing her aggression to the fore again, and if sufferers who were never aggressive in their pre-Alzheimer condition were less likely to become aggressive as the Alzheimer's progressed?

 

[mancmum]

Doctor refers to father as having 'happy dementia'

He has very little memory but is perfectly happy being looked after at our house. I think its that the stresses that he would otherwise experience are not there. We have occasional spats about his clothes not being dirty and not needing washing but that is just about it... at the moment.

 

[LynneMcV]

My husband is a very gentle, quiet soul.

When he was first diagnosed my main fear was that he would turn violent.

We are five years into diagnosis now and there has been one episode of violence. That was last year when he had a sudden deterioration and became tormented by the idea that myself and our son were plotting to kill him and had already killed our daughter.

His act of violence was sudden and unexpected and came about purely through terror on his part and the belief that he was acting in self-defence. He spent two months in a secure NHS unit to have his meds tweaked in order to bring him to a point where he could return home to us. I firmly believe that if the professionals had acted two to three weeks previously when I first brought the growing issue to their attention, he would not have reached the point where he had the violent episode.

He returned home in May last year and his gentle nature continues to shine through. However, there are times when he becomes agitated/frustrated and his fists clench, this is usually when he is coming down with a UTI or some other illness. He hasn't tried to physically lash out since last year though. I believe the clenched fists are just a sign of his frustration, but I'm sad to say that my immediate reaction now is always a fear that he will hit out.

That's one of the things I hate most about this disease - it has made me cautious and wary of what my husband might do, even though he has never actually attacked since that one incident. I end up giving him a mild sedative rather than risk things escalating - but 99.9% of the time he is the gentlest person I know.

Last week I was speaking to someone whose late wife had Alzheimer's. He told me that she never, ever displayed any violence at any time through the progression of the disease.

So, yes, violence can happen but it isn't set in stone that it will happen - and even if there is an unexpected episode of violence it doesn't mean it will be part and parcel of that person's traits from then on. With the right support and medical intervention, things can be managed well and contentment can be restored again.

 

[Zana]

My MIL has AD and in the earlier stages (she is now end stage in a CH) she would sometimes lash out verbally or as if to hit my sister in law but she was never like that with me.
The difference was us , the carers, my sister in law was impatient and would use the them and us apporach saying eat your breakfast, drink your tea, etc whereas I did things with mum...Lets have tea, lets eat some lunch , if she didnt remember or if she got confused I tried to give her space.

I tried to be calm and that helped her stay calm. I know its difficult when it is your loved one, but calm carers = calm PWD in my experience.

 

[nellen]

My mum has become both verbally and physically aggressive within the past 6 months. She tells me to f*** off and accuses me of having sex with people, stealing her money etc. She gets very agitated when carers try to do any personal care and the air turns blue with the names she calls them, and then, 5 minutes later she's as nice as pie, and if I tell her what she has called the carers she's shocked and tells me I'm telling lies. I've had to tell the carers that if my mum becomes so aggressive with them that they can't clean her then I'm not going to complain about her not being clean. The doctor has prescribed a sedative for when she is very agitated as she can exhaust herself and keeps other residents awakes with her ranting and raving at night.
My mum has always been a feisty kind of person but always loving and compassionate and to hear the stuff she comes out with I'm shocked but I know it's the dementia and not my mum

 

[netsy22]

My mum has unspecified mixed dementia and has become very docile and child-like. When I first started looking after her we would argue and she would snap back (as she always has) but now she is grateful and accepting (and anxious).
I always thought that it was Alzheimer's that had an aggressive symptom with it, as well as wandering, but mum doesn't have that.

 

[Actaeon70]

My mum slapped a nurse while in hospital. She had asked for discharge information and the nurse wouldn't/couldn't give it, and had spoken to mum "like a child". Pre-Alzheimer's my mum was very placid and easy going.