Nasal feeding for husband who is refusing food and drink

[Ludi]

My 84 year old husband who is in hospital after falling and breaking his arm, is refusing to eat more than 2 teaspoons of food at every meal and also refuses to drink enough. I believe and have discussed this with him when he has been lucid , that he's refusing because he wants to die. He has made an advance directive indicating that he does not wish to receive any artificial treatment, such as nasal feeding, which may prolong his life (but with what quality of life??).

I've just received a call from a member of the team who're looking after him in the hospital to say that they are now considering nasal feeding for him. I assured her that he does not want that, and neither do I or his 3 daughters, so we will jointly refuse on his behalf, if he is unable to verbally refuse himself.

There must be some of you out there who've had to face this awful dilemma of whether to try to keep someone alive against their rational wishes or to let him die.

 

[CeliaThePoet]

In my view, you've done exactly what he wished. I would make the same choice. It is so difficult. You have my support.

 

[love.dad.but..]

Different to nasal feeding but for my dad withdrawing iv fluids and antibiotics and although dad did not have mental capacity so I had to make the decision with a very sensible kind hearted consultant I absolutely know it was the right thing to do.I had Health poa which made it easier..do you have that for your husband and do you have DNR recorded? Just because we can doesn't mean we should...and you have done exactly as I would have done and wished for myself. There is a phrase well used on TP at end of life..something like...interventions (such as nasal feeding) prolong death it doesn't prolong life.

 

[Grannie G]

I refused nasal feeding for my husband.

He was becoming resistant to antibiotics for aspiration pneumonia and was taking minute portions of food. Nasal feeding was suggested but I worried it was force feeding and also that he would be disturbed by the tube and try to remove it.

He was certainly in the final stages of dementia and I wanted this to be as unintrusive and as peaceful as possible.

 

[LadyA]

I'm so sorry you've had to face this decision. And yes, many on Talking Point have been through it too, including me. My husband was admitted to hospital in 2015 with aspiration pneumonia, which didn't respond to antibiotics. He lost his swallow reflex, so could only manage tiny amounts of purée food and thickened fluids. After discussions with the doctors, i decided against both naso/gastric tube and peg feeding, and he was sent back to his own bed, in his own room in the Nursing Home for palliative care. At that point, doing otherwise would have been just prolonging his death, and I would not have been doing it in his interests, but in my own, because I didn't want to let go.

 

[Perfectdaughter]

It is very difficult but it looks to me that you and your daughters will be right to refuse treatment on his behalf. Unfortunately in hospital the default position is to offer medical interventions rather than let nature take its course and then risk being sued by unhappy relatives. Your husband has already made an advance directive that he doesn’t wish to receive artificial treatment and has discussed his wishes with you. The hospital team may not know that; their task is to keep patients alive. So that is why they are considering artificial feeding.

In my case, my father (in his 90s) also stated his wishes very clearly – he didn’t want to prolong life when it simply meant prolonging his dying. He is now on the palliative care register and has a DNR, but each and every time he ends up in hospital I have to confirm that this is what he wants.

 

[Perfectdaughter]

And every time I have to confirm it it is heartbreaking. Wishing you strength with your dilemma.

 

[CraftyJ]

Ludi
So sorry to hear of your husbands situation and it must be hell for your and your daughters. I know the medical staff have a duty of care, but surely they can see how poorly your husband is and if he's stated to you all his wishes, then they should be observed. I notice others have mentioned the DNR and if thats in place? Food tubes do not enhance or prolong life, just delay the inevitable, so surely its kinder to let him go and let nature take its course.
I agree with what someone said about medics are worried about being sued if they let someone die and they wanted them to live. Such a hard call at times.

I hope that nature does take its course and you all get to honour your husbands wishes and he is allowed to die with peace and dignity. My thoughts to you all.

 

[Izzy]

I was in the same position with my husband. Like others I wanted his final days to be as peaceful and unobtrusive as possible. It was heartbreaking but i don't regret it.

Thinking of you and wishing you strength and wishing your husband peace.

 

[Babymare01]

I have discussed this with both my mums doctor and the NH and both have agreed with me it is not in mums best interest to do this and when/if the time comes they will support me in my decision. We also discussed and agreed it will not e in mums best interest to be taken to hospital and a DNR has been put in place

A hard decision in one way but the right decision
Thinking of you
xx