It's been a while since I posted but I was wondering if there are any other carers who live in multigenerational families who could offer some advice? My mother, 85 this weekend, has dementia, diagnosed in 2010 and quite advanced now. My son, 17, ill and housebound. Me, early 50s menopausal and totally p*ssed off most of the time. This is our household. With the exception of the cleaner and the carers there is little other support. I've just returned from a week away and generally things were ok at home. I'd upped the visits from the carers (who have always been arranged through me via one of the private care companies and paid for wholly by me and my mum) to ensure Ma was settled especially at night. Although my son is not well he's fine to feed himself etc. Anyway, last night while I was asking him how things had been and chiding him for eating junk food while I'd been away he replied: "When you've seen your grandmother p*ssing in a bucket in her bedroom you've earned a little bit of junk." I felt so sorry for him for having to witness this and I'm at a loss as to what to say or what to do either to support him or prevent Ma's behaviour (she no longer washes, is reluctant to change clothes etc). Me and the carer have tried to explore with Ma why she doesn't use the toilets (three in the house) and is choosing to urinate in a bucket but we get no answer because probably she doesn't know why. Over the last ten years living with her we've been through a lot. Her behaviour has caused many problems, some of which I know have contributed to my son's ill-health and I know all of you will know how it probably affects me as a carer to both of them. But does anybody have any solutions? Tricks? Work arounds? Please don't suggest anything to do with social workers or the memory clinic; they're a useless shower here where we live. Whatever the suggestions are we need to be able to implement them -- or pay somebody to implement them.