Nan-update

88alli

Registered User
Jan 11, 2007
42
0
Cumbria.England
Hello
Nan (mother/mother in law with AZ) now has pancreatic cancer that has spread to her bile duct. We got the final diagnosis last Friday evening. Today I took my daughter with me to visit Nan and got the shock of my life. How much she had deteriorated in just a few hours. Yesterday she was feeling agitated enough to be trying to plan her escape from hospital. Today when we got into the ward she was being transferred to a private room and she seemed unconcious. I tried to talk to her, stroked her face-no response. We got her into the private room and I called Richard my husband to come straight away from work. The nursing staff were so kind and they had called in the chaplain to give her her last rights. Now and again she would fistle in her bed and make a noise like she was in pain. Then about half an hour later she woke up bright as a button and said she was going home! The nurse couldn't beleive how bright she was and nor could we. The doctor then came in a put a morphine syringe driver in via her stomach. I managed to feed her a little dessert which she enjoyed and she smiled at me in between each tiny spoonful. Then about half an hour later she slipped off again. We sat with her a few hours and she was sleeping and not in pain anymore. We have now come home as the hospital promised to phone us as soon as they had any concerns. It is only a few minutes away. We don't know if we should have stayed with her or not. I have not much experience with pancreatic cancer, this afternoon no-one expected her to come around. She seemed not to be just sleeping, but seemed drugged up even though she wasnt on medication at that time. Her eyes were half open all the time and she just made a moaning sound now and again. Then to be so alert for a little while. Do people dying of cancer have these little 'spurts' of brightness in between unconciousness? Have any of you had any experience like this. It is just such a roller coaster of emotions going through our minds at the moment, not knowing what to expect. Cried most of the afternoon then felt happy just being able to feed her a little food and see a little smile. Then feeling happier that the morphine was in and she would have no more pain. This is so hard. I know if we go to bed we are not going to sleep. I don't want her to go on her own, yet the nursing staff say she is sleeping peacefully. Don't know what tomorrow will bring.
So so sad.
Any advice please?
Diane and Richard.
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
Dear Diane and Richard

I am so sorry that your nan has deteriorated so rapidly. It must have been such a shock to see her like this. When my dad had cancer he was on a cocktail of drugs and would be in and out of consciousness. At one point of coming out, he started to plan a holiday!!! It had to be the drugs.

Thank goodness you are not far from the hospital and someone will call you should you need to return urgently. There is no telling how long this can go on for but all you can do is be there when you can and try hard to rest when you can.

Love and a hug
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
0
70
East Midlands
Dear Diane and Richard,

My heart goes out to you...watching and waiting for a parent to die is so emotionally hard.

My dad died from pancreatic cancer..he too had morphine via a syringe driver.

In his last week before he lapsed into unconsciencess we had a few "scares"..but he rallied.
The last week of his life he never responded..but was peaceful.
As was his death..he just "whispered away" as mum and I held his hands.

I think it's different for everyone..no-one can predict when it will be.
At least you are near and can get to the hospital quickly should the need arise.

Follow your instincts...and be with her when you want to be.

Sending you love...gigi xx
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
0
SW Scotland
Dear Diane and Richard

I'm so sorry your mum has deteriorated so quickly. I know how hard it is to watch someone dying, not knowing how long it can go on.

Some people do have periods of alertness, when they seem almost back to their usual self. It doesn't make it easier, though, because you can't help that flicker of hope that they're going to get better, however impossib'e you know it to be.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both, and with Nan. I hope that when the end comes it will be peaceful, and you will have the comfort of knowing she was well cared for.

Love,
 

88alli

Registered User
Jan 11, 2007
42
0
Cumbria.England
Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts and advice-much apreciated. I honestly don't know how we would have coped with all of this without TP and all you members. Thank you so much from the bottom of our hearts:)
Just got back from visiting Nan, she seems in a state of total unconciousness. I managed to give her a little water via a sponge on a stick where on two occasions she sucked the water. Now there seems to be no response from her mouth. She is comfortable and pain free and that is all we could wish for. Yesterday it all came as such a shock to us the speed of the deterioration. But now we feel sort of at ease in coming to terms with losing her. We are going to have a little break and then Richard and I and our son and daughter Josh and Sophie are all going to see her.I just hope for everyones sake the end comes soon as she seems so at peace.
The staff at the hospital have been superb and have let us be as involved as we want to be. So many of the people who have had input into Nans welfare have come in to give her a kiss and cuddle and say goodbye. The social worker, CPN, AZ carers, and the two occupational therapists who helped her to stay in her home as long as she could. She was an extrovert sort of person with a naughty sense of humour which had still managed to come out now and again throughout the AZ. There are so many bad things said about care, but there are lovely, kind people out there too and we have been so lucky to have had such a wonderful back-up team of people. I know that doesn't always happen to everyone and I do wish it could change.
We wish all of you and your loved ones all our very best and hope that you manage to keep up your strength and get all the help you need.
Thank you all soooo much.
Diane and Richard XX
 
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Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
0
SW Scotland
Richard and Diane, thank you for your update.

It's so good to hear that Nan is peaceful, and that so many people have come to say goodbys to her. She must have been a lovely lady, for everyone to have such affection for her.

There are so many bad things said about care, but there are lovely, kind people out there too and we have been so lucky to have had such a wonderful back-up team of people. I know that doesn't always happen to everyone and I do wish it could change.

You're right, not everyone had such a positive experience, but it's good to emphasise that good care can be found.

Love and prayers,