Hi
For those who kindly offered replies of support to my previous thread, it's good to know you are behind me.
On Monday (calling into Nan after I'd taken my son to the pictures) she was no better and in quite a bad way, very low, could only say she felt "bloody awful" but it did not hurt anywhere - no blue lips, not cold, no blood in vomit - unflushed wc contents checked - looked normal. My instincts told me that she was definitely not coping and self neglecting and only a matter of time before medical intervention was probably needed. I managed to get her admitted into a local care home, one which has newly opened and registered and seemed highly spoken of - indeed the manager had previously come from a home which had a good CSCI rating and a colleague spoke well of. Well, she just sat there, slumped, head in hand, barely wanting to respond - the staff kindly let her lie down in bed as she wished to do so. Nan acknowleged she was in some sort of Nursing Home - the senior there took loads of details to make up her care plan which they said will sort of 'evolve' over the next few days. They will try and encourage her, but if she wants to remain in her bed then fine, they check regularly offering help, drinks and small amounts of build (build appetite and line her stomach a bit), said they'll call doctor if things do not improve or get worse. I have to leave her in their safe hands I feel there was little other choice.
What I didn't quite expect are the huge feelings of guilt - I haven't felt like this since that day I left my son (at 4 months) old with a child-minder when I returned to work. I couldn't leave her at home, even if I did I'd just get loads of concerned calls and would have ended up spending most of my time off (just started 2 weeks leave) there compromising greatly the time I planned to have with my husband and son. I'm the nearest relative she has and the only family support.
Everyone says I have done exactly the right thing - the CEO at the home said I should go and enjoy my leave and let them do the caring, they'll call me if anything occurs, she also needs time to settle there. I know, in my heart that I've done what I had to do and that it's the best for my Nan.
For those of recall my Aunt's attitude - I did get a bit of questioning off her, Why? What is it costing etc? and the phrase, "well if she wants to die why don't you just leave her to get on with it?" Well, I exploded with "do you think I can just sit back and neglect her?! - not an option (how would that look considering I work in social care)". My Nan does want to die, she told me so and yes, she is giving up - but walking away is not an option. Needless to say I think she backed down a bit and then said, "Colin (my Uncle who lives in Canada) and I are behind you, you are the nearest etc etc" Like I said it boils down to a rather unhealthy interest in what is going to be left for her and the fact this will diminish (Nan has £22,250 ++ + property)
Yes, I am enjoying a few days and outings with my family, I've earnt it and it's helping me reduce these feelings and de-stressing from the pressures I have at work too.
Oh, I'm the one with registered Enduring Power of Attorney - she didn't object to that because it meant she didn't have that responsibility.
Families eh?
For those who kindly offered replies of support to my previous thread, it's good to know you are behind me.
On Monday (calling into Nan after I'd taken my son to the pictures) she was no better and in quite a bad way, very low, could only say she felt "bloody awful" but it did not hurt anywhere - no blue lips, not cold, no blood in vomit - unflushed wc contents checked - looked normal. My instincts told me that she was definitely not coping and self neglecting and only a matter of time before medical intervention was probably needed. I managed to get her admitted into a local care home, one which has newly opened and registered and seemed highly spoken of - indeed the manager had previously come from a home which had a good CSCI rating and a colleague spoke well of. Well, she just sat there, slumped, head in hand, barely wanting to respond - the staff kindly let her lie down in bed as she wished to do so. Nan acknowleged she was in some sort of Nursing Home - the senior there took loads of details to make up her care plan which they said will sort of 'evolve' over the next few days. They will try and encourage her, but if she wants to remain in her bed then fine, they check regularly offering help, drinks and small amounts of build (build appetite and line her stomach a bit), said they'll call doctor if things do not improve or get worse. I have to leave her in their safe hands I feel there was little other choice.
What I didn't quite expect are the huge feelings of guilt - I haven't felt like this since that day I left my son (at 4 months) old with a child-minder when I returned to work. I couldn't leave her at home, even if I did I'd just get loads of concerned calls and would have ended up spending most of my time off (just started 2 weeks leave) there compromising greatly the time I planned to have with my husband and son. I'm the nearest relative she has and the only family support.
Everyone says I have done exactly the right thing - the CEO at the home said I should go and enjoy my leave and let them do the caring, they'll call me if anything occurs, she also needs time to settle there. I know, in my heart that I've done what I had to do and that it's the best for my Nan.
For those of recall my Aunt's attitude - I did get a bit of questioning off her, Why? What is it costing etc? and the phrase, "well if she wants to die why don't you just leave her to get on with it?" Well, I exploded with "do you think I can just sit back and neglect her?! - not an option (how would that look considering I work in social care)". My Nan does want to die, she told me so and yes, she is giving up - but walking away is not an option. Needless to say I think she backed down a bit and then said, "Colin (my Uncle who lives in Canada) and I are behind you, you are the nearest etc etc" Like I said it boils down to a rather unhealthy interest in what is going to be left for her and the fact this will diminish (Nan has £22,250 ++ + property)
Yes, I am enjoying a few days and outings with my family, I've earnt it and it's helping me reduce these feelings and de-stressing from the pressures I have at work too.
Oh, I'm the one with registered Enduring Power of Attorney - she didn't object to that because it meant she didn't have that responsibility.
Families eh?
.
