My wife seems to have forgotten how to poo?!

[Frank68]

Hi,

Things generally have been sliding downhill here - and now we have gone from occasional smeary pads (because for quite a long time she has forgotten how to wipe herself - lots of loo paper torn off the roll and folded but unused) to multiple little dumps....

Some horrendous days last week where she was evidently hatching one - backwards and forwards to the loo - but no delivery for four days - multiple dirty pads - but THEN.. I thought a ferret had inadvertently swum up past the u-bend! This afternoon the pattern seems to be beginning again... Totally exhausting.

I have tried sitting her on the loo and making straining noises, but she doesn't understand. It really seems as if she has forgotten how to make a motion. Is that a common experience? Any techniques / suggestions welcomed!

Urine has not been much of a problem - except that two mornings ago she had evidently mistaken a white plastic bathroom chair for the WC so the chair-seat and the floor were afloat. The chair is now removed!

Not sure if I can take much more, to be honest.

Frank

 

[Beate]

She might be suffering from constipation. You could see whether a doctor can prescribe something that makes it easier to go. OH is on Fybogel sachets.

 

[Shedrech]

hello Frank68
I do agree with Beate, have a chat with your GP and explain the whole issue - dad has lactulose in a syrup form, which he likes as it tastes sweet
if you don't want to speak out in front of your wife, hand the GP a note - and do ask for a home visit, so you don't have to discomfort your wife with a surgery visit

did the live-in carer go ahead? or home care visits? if not, no wonder you are feeling that this is all getting too much; it is too much for one person alone to cope with - tell that to the GP too, as you are important as a carer and simply in your own right - you can't face carer breakdown, that will be just awful for you both
I appreciate that a respite break didn't work out well - it is different when dealing with a full time move; maybe it's coming time to look into this - you won't be stepping away from caring for your wife, you'll be getting a team around you to support you both - you'll be able to visit without the stress of the physical care tasks
apologies if I've misinterpreted your post
best wishes

 

[Kevinl]

THEN.. I thought a ferret had inadvertently swum up past the u-bend!

Well, that's a new one on me
That said it may be one for the GP, fibre supplements possibly a laxative, but medical advise before you do anything like that.
I think losing control of the thought process attached to toilet matters is pretty common, usually it's incontinence, when the body wants to do it, it does, lack of wanting to may indicate an issue.
I don't want to be rude (as people always say before they say something rude) but she is eating a balanced diet isn't she? Is it possible that since you've taken over in the kitchen that she's not eating the same diet as before?
Over the years I was aware my wife took the odd laxative and sometimes said she felt "bloated", some women seem to have to manage their bowels in a way that most men don't (or maybe we just don't talk about it). Based on the ads on TV and magazines most products of this sort are aimed at women so I guess that is their target market. Personally I've always found a good curry works better and costs less.
K

 

[Beate]

Personally I've always found a good curry works better and costs less.
K

I've certainly heard it as a way of inducing childbirth.

 

[irismary]

I have given my husband low doses of syrup of figs as he seems not to always know what to do and his bowel movements didn't seem as regular as normal. It did help but he gets so easily distracted by towels, loo paper, his pants and forgets what he is there to do. He doesn't know what I am asking if I ask if he needs the loo, a wee, a poo - and I have tried making straining noises too. He just looked at me as if I was most odd. How can we know how they feel about this and other such things.

 

[Kevinl]

I have tried making straining noises too. He just looked at me as if I was most odd.

Well there's a picture in my head now I can't get rid of, you being the Doctor Doolittle of dementia, I'm not surprised he looks at you oddly I would too.
K

 

[Ludlow]

Sounds like constipation to me. Has she started any new medicine lately? Some do have that effect.
I now give my mum porridge as well as prunes for breakfast, and she always has fruit at lunchtime and a decent helping of veg and more fruit for dinner, but we still have days when she feels uncomfortable we go back and forth to the loo and nothing happens.
I asked the chemist and they advised Lactulose and I now give her a dose of that when a problem seems to be brewing. I mentioned it to the doctor next time I saw her and she agreed that was what she would have given.
Oh, and the other thing is that even if she doesn't "push", try to get her to sit there for a while. Sometimes just being "in the position" for long enough helps.
(What a lovely discussion this is! Why did I feel compelled to join in?! )

 

[sajimjo]

My partner often doesn't know what to do either when seating him on the loo. I have tried the straining noises, to no avail. So I try and make him sit there for a while, perhaps run a tap, in the hope his bodily functions make him go, because we do have rhythms when we feel the urge to go and then it stops for a while.

Up to now he is mostly dry but we do have soiled pads frequently. He can go for days without OB, sometimes it's seepage. I give him prunes and sometimes CosmoCol given by GP, but haven't found the right balance yet to keep him regular. The other day when he was at 'Men in Sheds' he really soiled himself, they were very good cleaning him as best they could, but he was a bit embarrassed.

It is with some relief to know others have similar problems.
Sajimjo

 

[Frank68]

Thanks for the the advice -

and some of the comments which made me LOL !!

We do eat a very good diet actually, with muesli and stewed fruit every day for breakfast; apple, pear etc for lunch, and often a different fresh or stewed fruit with some ice cream perhaps with our main meal.

However, thinking about it as prompted by your good selves,OH did suffer from minor constipation earlier in life despite eating even more fruit than we do now. PLUS I checked the side-effects lists for Risperidone (recently increased) and bowel incontinence and hard stools are both listed.

She also gets some involuntary muscle spasms and I note that is listed too. I guess I need to go back (again!) to the GP, but the Risperidone has been invaluable as sleeping was AWFUL - at least I get a bit of sleep...

Shedrech: Thanks for your enquirer the live-in Carer. The lady concerned came for four days - great - all was agreed so she left some of her kit with us and she went home to Turkey for a three week holiday. Three DAYS later she emailed to say she wanted more money! As I was offering ++ the going rate you may guess my answer. I was frightfully upset. However, another very competent and caring young woman who comes very highly recommended from some GP friends of mine (she looked after the GP's parents until end of life) is coming this weekend with the prospect of alternate weekends going forward.

I hope this will give some breathing space whilst I consider what next, which realistically means looking around at Care Homes and hoping to make a better pick than last time....

Thanks again everyone - our Carer has been out this morning for Syrup of Figs and prunes are on the shopping list for tomorrow - so I will hope to report "better things" in due course.

"And all will be well" - yes Shedrech - I am with Mother Julian on that; but what a journey meanwhile...

Thanks again.xx

 

[irismary]

Looks like I am not the only one though Kevin! I also pull the faces I want him to pull whilst I shave him, keep my mouth open whilst I clean his teeth and whilst we are in the dentist, climb in and out of the bath to show him how to get in it for a shower etc. Whatever it takes lol

 

[Selinacroft]

Hi Frank
Thank you for the colourful picture you painted, we all need a light hearted moment in our days. I would suggest if she is taking nothing at teh moment introducing some Senna at night times, also consider her diet- add some prunes, apricots, figs, melons etc Less meat and bread.
If you resort to something like Lactulose the flood gates will open!

 

[Slugsta]

Hi Frank,

You have been given some good ideas, the only other thing I can suggest is to try and get your wife to raise her feet a little - maybe put a small footstool or a phone directory or suchlike beneath them once she is seated - as this can help the muscular contractions needed to expel the stool (think about how some cultures squat to defaecate). I do hope this problem soon passes (pun intended!).

I also hope that the prospective carer works out well for you all.

 

[Ludlow]

Risperidone seems to be the cause with us too, but the other effects are so positive that we stick with it.

The trick with Lactulose is not to wait till crisis mode because then it can be very messy. Once the initial problem is resolved, try the "maintenance dose" to keep things working.

I was coming back to say what Slugsta has said - try raising the feet a bit when sitting on the loo. Also rubbing the lower back can stimulate the muscles to work. And make sure she is drinking plenty of liquids as dehydration makes things worse.

 

[Wetwalker]

Hi Frank

The nutritionist at our Parkinsons Clinic recommended flax seeds daily, about half a tablespoonful, advice that was endorsed by our local bowel and bladder clinic. Seems to do the trick, although I also have Moviecol as a standby and try to encourage my husband to tell me if he is constipated. He sometimes gets confused about what the toilet is for and that's when I have to clean up the floor.

 

[angelaraphael]

red seat

I read somewhere that if you get a red toilet seat the elderly person is less likely to mistake something else for the toilet bowl. Also, padded pull up panties are better for heavy soiling. You could remind your wife to wipe her backside if you go into the toilet with her eg using a disabled loo whilst out - you can get a radar key for this on the Internet easily. I have a rucksack with lots of compartments for a spare change of clothing and pull ups - it has space for my own stuff also

 

[Casbow]

Well I didn't realise there was so much to say about the toilet subject. It has made me smile maybe because my dear husband is now in a Nursing home and the reason I was no longer able to keep him with me was this very subject. When he squated to go on the sofa I realised that i couldn't do this anymore. Coupled with him not allowing me to clean him properly and complete refusal to sit on the toilet, (he seemed scared of it) he is now in a home and settling down i think. I don't think anyone mentioned vegetables. Cabbage, carrots,peas, cauliflower,broccalli and particularly onions etc are all very good to help bowel movement. Fried onions can be very good if you like them. I always try to have veg. everyday as well as fruit. If you like stews (me yuk!) but if you do you can get a lot of vegetables in that. It helped me to keep a chart of my husbands bowel movement because he only ever went once in every 3 days. If this didn't happen he would become more and more irritable and restless. The more days it didn't happen (sometimes 6) the more of a state he got in. But he just didn't know how to "help it come out" so to speak.I didn't resort to making strange noises maybe I should have done.!!!