My wife is slipping away

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by aesop57, Jan 8, 2015.

  1. aesop57

    aesop57 Registered User

    Jan 10, 2012
    My wife Alice who I have been married to for 35 years, is after a long hard struggle slipping away she has late stage alzheimer's has lost her swallow and has aspiration pneumonia which isn't responding to treatment

    I agreed with the consultant in hospital to put a DNR in place, I also agreed with the consultant that they shouldnt use feeding tubes or any breathing apparatus

    she was put on comfort food only by the hospital last week and she was allowed to come home to receive pallative care

    howether her comfort food is no longer a comfort anymore, she is pushing everything away and she hasn't eaten or drunk anything for the last 3 days

    the doctors and nurses say that she will pass away some time soon now, my god I hope it is soon as it pains me to see her suffer so and she has suffered enough god bless her

    she is the light of my life my loving adorable wife, I shall treasure the happy times that we have spent together always and forever

    but I know that this is the end and it's time to let go, but my wife is a fighter and with every breath is fighting to stay, please love don't fight go in peace and find your spot in heaven and wait for me, I love you darling and you will always be my treasure for all eternity

    feeling sad but glad that soon, she will suffer no more
  2. MeganCat

    MeganCat Registered User

    Jan 29, 2013
    South Wales
    I hope she finds peace soon. I'm sure it must be a comfort for her having such a kind and loving husband supporting her along this journey.
  3. janey106

    janey106 Registered User

    Dec 10, 2013
    What a beautiful, beautiful post at such a sad time. To have such a wonderful love is something precious beyond measure. My thoughts are with you both
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    I was in the same position this time last year. My husband had aspiration pneumonia and the antibiotics no longer helped him.

    He refused food and drink and we knew his body was shutting down.

    It was sad and upsetting but he knew me and our son as long as he was conscious, even the day before he died , and died peacefully thanks to morphine.

    I hope your wife is peaceful and pain free aesop.
  5. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    British Isles
    Wishing you strength to cope with the pain of watching your dear wife's last days, and with the grief you will feel once she has gone. I hope Alice is at peace soon.
  6. Ash148

    Ash148 Registered User

    Jan 1, 2014
    Dublin, Ireland
    Every good wish at this terrible terrible time
  7. Benrese

    Benrese Registered User

    Apr 12, 2014
    Bless you both. It sounds like you have been a wonderful team. I'm so glad she can be with you at your home, together, as you have always been.

    She will know when it's the right time to step from this world to the next, saving a place for her very best friend and love.

    Take good care,
  8. aesop57

    aesop57 Registered User

    Jan 10, 2012
    #8 aesop57, Jan 9, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2015
    Thank you everyone for your wondrous words and messages of support

    the carers are with Alice at the moment so I have a bit of time to write

    Alice is still with us this morning battling on she has always been one to do her own thing and not follow the crowds I guess that is what she is doing now

    I am 27 years younger than my wife and with her being more mature and very much wiser she has taught me many things in life

    the most precious thing that she has taught me is to enjoy life everday and live it as if it was your last

    she has also taught me that life is not all about yourself and your family but also about helping others and that I need to care and share my love everday as I happen to meet someone who passes along my way

    this I will now strive to do. for these many things, with all my heart dear Alice I say "thank you"
  9. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    Thinking of you xx

  10. Soobee

    Soobee Registered User

    Aug 22, 2009
    Your love for Alice shines brightly and she sounds like a wonderful woman. I hope she slips away peacefully and without any pain.
  11. lexy

    lexy Registered User

    Nov 24, 2013
    #11 lexy, Jan 9, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2015
  12. Jess26

    Jess26 Registered User

    Jan 5, 2011
    May I gently suggest that you hold her hand and repeat what you typed in your post about go in peace and find your spot etc.
    I did this with mum it helped me and she passed away peacefully within a few hours.

    Thinking of you xx
  13. aesop57

    aesop57 Registered User

    Jan 10, 2012
    Thanks Jess26 for your kind advice

    Have done this earlier on today, told Alice thats she needs to let go and not be frightened and that everything is going to be alright

    I said that she shouldnt worry about me as I will be able to manage ok

    then said i'm sorry darling but I just can't look after you anymore,your brother Bill will be able to look after you better than me and he's waiting for you in heaven to take you home where you will meet all of your family again

    Alice's brother Bill passed away about 15 years ago

    I honestly thought that I wouldnt have the courage to tell her the above but managed to do it even though it broke my heart

    later on this afternoon she pouted her lips to the carers and gave them big kisses this is the first time that she has shown any reaction in the last 3 days the carers said Colins here and she gave me a big kiss too I take this as a sign that she is now ready to let go

    just had the nurses out to give her more pain medication and something for her agitation as she was in a lot of pain and getting very emotionally upset I have been calling the nurses out every day for the last 4 days

    don't think that I can stand much more of this I don't understand why they let people suffer like this it's now been 4 days since she last ate or had a drink and it's been agony watching her slowly slip away

    if a pet was taken to the vets in her condition they would give the pet a lethal injection and would say that it's the humane thing to do as they don't want to see them suffer
  14. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    She sounds like a very special, wonderful woman...your darling Alice.
    I hope she has peace and comfort.

    Sending virtual courage and strength to you through the ether, she is lucky to be loved by you.
  15. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    I'm so sorry to hear about Alice. It must be so hard for you to watch this. Your love for her shines through your posts and I'm so glad that she gave you these signs today. Wishing you much strength.x
  16. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    I too am so sorry to hear about your Alice. It must be so very hard for you to watch. I hope that she is peaceful x
  17. keywest67

    keywest67 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2012
    Hi aesop57,
    My heart goes out to you, I was in this position 6 weeks ago with Dad, he went 9 days without food or water, it's astounding how long they can go without anything, he also had aspiration pneumonia, as for why this is allowed to happen and human beings allowed to suffer in this way whereby you wouldn't let an animal suffer echoes my words in the care home when I watched Dad in the last days before broke my heart he had to go through this, it was ultimately a relief when he passed and was no longer suffering........wishing you strength to get through this very difficult and sad time.x
  18. aesop57

    aesop57 Registered User

    Jan 10, 2012
    Alice is suffering no more she passed away at 2:15am this morning, I would like to say that she died peacefully but she died gasping for breath after the aspiration pnuemonia got the better of her
  19. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    Radcliffe on Trent
    So sorry that your wife has passed away. Sending my sympathy and wishing you peace and strength in the days to come.
  20. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    West Midlands
    I'm so sorry to hear Aesop that it wasn't peaceful. Wishing you strength for the coming days and months xx

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

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