My wife has Dementia/Alzheimers

[baz4896]

I need advice, my wife has Alzheimers she's 65 yrs old and has had it for about 2 years, but this year has been the worse and she cries a lot, and then somedays we have no tears, and I feel totally useless, Im a hugger and I always think a hug and a kind word will sort all, but not so, im just not sure what to do, sorry if this is brief but it gets to me, cheers for any advice

 

[MartinWL]

I expect you already have consulted a doctor? You could ask about medication. But I am sure the hugs and kind words do help a little bit

 

[Grannie G]

Lucky wife having a hugger for a husband @baz4896 Welcome to Dementia Talking Point.

Do you think your wife cries because she is afraid and unable to express her feelings?

I would certainly try her doctor for advice and possible medication. It`s soul destroying when you don`t know how to help.

 

[Woo2]

Welcome to tp from me too @baz4896 , there will be plenty of times when a hug and a kind word will fit the bill perfectly.

I agree with the others , have a chat with your Gp or you could try the memory clinic /community mental health team , my mum became withdrawn and shut herself away in her room and was put on sertraline which has helped . Is your wife taking any medication ? Did you go to any groups before lockdown ? We used to go to singing for the brain and AS coffee mornings and the like , they are online now but we still take part , does she have any good friends /family that she can talk to ? Take care of you too .

 

[lemonbalm]

Hello @baz4896 . I see the @Woo2 has mentioned singing for the brain, which is currently online You could also try putting on some of your wife's favourite music when she seems sad. It is truly amazing how music can transform the mood for some one with dementia. It might make you feel better too, which is also important!

 

[baz4896]

Hello people cheers for the tips thanks to @Woo2 @lemonbalm @Grannie G @MartinWL I think my wife is very frustrated and cant really tell me or others what she wants or needs, the ability to form words for a conversation that make sense like myself and everyone else take for granted have gone, memory clinic I dont think would work, her short term memory is very bad, as for tablets she takes Donepezil 10mg every night, We've had the Mental Health team/Health worker visits and we are, in the future going to have a care worker twice a day morning for getting dressed(which can take me 10mins or an hour depends on how much pacing she will do) and dinner time to make sure she eats her dinner, but because im on furlough at the moment, im full on wife minder lol, which I dont mind. Not tried the music thing will look into that, as for singing I will have to work on that one, groups she wont attend as she is aware in her own way the most people wont be of her age, I know it affects anyone at anytime but groups are a big NO for now. About crying, ive read that I've got to look for triggers, but thats hard if im alseep in bed and she's crying and im thinking she's cold and then find she's in full blown sob mode, I just cuddle and try to get her back to sleep.

Anymore help/tips is most welcome, the good thing really about this is im 10 years younger than my wife so im going to be around along time lol

 

[jennifer1967]

maybe she feels safe in your arms and there should more hugs in this world. did you use to go dancing and have music you enjoyed to dance to. tea dances.sorry have just looked at your age and you are only 2yrs older than me but disco is not the same. you sound very caring but do remember to take care of yourself as well .you are just as important.

 

[baz4896]

cheers @jennifer1967 thing is, my wife was a manager of an Estate Agents for most of her working life, very active work wise really good at selling houses, 3 yrs ago had a funny turn at work, not a stroke as that didnt show up on the Scans, and I think the main problem with her is she remembers what she did and how good she was and that upsets her, she was also semi fluent in French but not now its really strange how the mind reacts/works

 

[Woo2]

I was quite surprised how many ladies at mums club were young , it’s not how it used to be with lots of really old people sadly . The Alzheimer’s online things are honestly good , we don’t do the online singing but did go to the group, the online quiz is pretty good and the coffee morning is really very relaxed and a lot of laughs . Worth a try . Everyone who knew mum said I would never get her to try any of those things , but I have learnt it’s how you dress it up and also your demeanour , I am ridiculously happy , jovial etc and she feeds off this , we try anything once , she would not entertain the idea before with my dad as he was quite negative about it . Anything is worth a try . Mum occasionally gets upset if she has a false memory of something , or when she is tired, she has lots of naps now and that helps . I can’t advocate anything but from personal experience Memantine has been very good , have no experience of donepezil .

 

[Buteo]

Citalopram helped my wife become less tearful, as did Memantine. It's worth phoning the memory clinic and explaining the problem. A hug is always good too.