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My wife doesn’t take shower

Feri

Registered User
Oct 15, 2021
13
0
Excuse for my poor English .

My wife is suffering from Alzhemer’s and Capgras Syndrome. Most of the time seeing me as an imposter (stranger man in the house). She needs help to take shower and since I am a stranger man is very hard for her to get to the shower with me. She is a stubborn person and doesn’t wants to have a carer and there are not any other woman available to help.

up to three months ago she was all right. Then she had a stroke and problems began by her memory declined a lot and also her left hand and arm is not fully functional.

any advice please?
 

Frank24

Registered User
Feb 13, 2018
183
0
Hi Feri, have you spoken to the council for a Needs assessment for your wife? It sounds to me like she needs to have a female carer that comes in to help with personal care. Carers are also available privately. I would advise starting with a need assessment with your local council or paying privately and getting the ball rolling.
 

Feri

Registered User
Oct 15, 2021
13
0
Thank you very much Frank 24

After her stroke we got a full time private carer and also council offered three times a week female carer but she doesn’t let them help. She was treating them like a gust and I had to look after the carer as well. We have to dismiss the carer after three weeks. Also she doesn’t cooperate with memory or needs assessment.
thanks again
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
5,876
0
Nottinghamshire
It might be worth trying different carers @Feri - some are far better at dealing with PWD than others. My dad’s carers, much to my amazement, managed to persuade him to shower and had him wearing clean clothes. They just cheerfully, but firmly, told dad what to do and he did it! While he was busy in the shower they did his laundry and put out his clean clothes for him - all in a 45 minute morning visit by one carer! If he was having a bad day they’d help him wash but mostly dad could manage fairly well if he was just directed.

If your wife’s carers were allowing her to treat them like guests they were probably inexperienced or didn’t understand dementia very well.

My dad could be difficult with carers too but getting the right ones made all the difference.
 
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silkiest

Registered User
Feb 9, 2017
452
0
Hi @Feri, my mum has had carers for 6 weeks. Initially she was insistent that she did not want 'strangers' helping in the shower. The carers started with daily application of moisturiser to her legs that were dry and itchy and washing her hair. They are local women who are very chatty whilst being encouraging. Yesterday morning she actually waited upstairs in her dessing gown and allowed them to shower her. I think the fact they were no longer 'strangers' helped a lot and the gradual introduction of help.
Mind you we're still struggling with getting her to allow them to change the bed and do the washing - hopefully this will come with time.
For the first 3 weeks dad was constantly asking me to stop the carers due to mums complaints. I got sick of repeating "No, it has gone past what mum wants, we have to look at what she needs instead". I am so glad I persisted - they are not doing absolutely everything on the care plan yet, but both my parents talk about them with a degree of fondness whilst things slowly improve
 

Feri

Registered User
Oct 15, 2021
13
0
Thank you both Boonpots and Silkiest.
my problem is the local private firm provides the carer and I have no say to choose one. I believe we were not lucky with the one we had. Although she was nice but was not cheerful or chatty / firm.

Dealing with Capgras syndrome is a very difficult and challenging situation. Constantly she think that she is living in a strange place with strangers and make looking after her sometimes impossible.
 

Feri

Registered User
Oct 15, 2021
13
0
To be honest no I haven’t talk to her doctor nitram.
although I am not sure if she would do anything I will call her next week. Thanks.
 

asriela

Registered User
Oct 17, 2021
12
0
I have a couple of ideas which might help.

My mother is 91 and will not shower. She used to be quite smelly but then I managed to get her to use baby wipes and after a while she got quite used to it and it seemed to keep her clean enough. Also, I told her these were special wipes from the doctor to help keep her skin healthy. A fib but for her own good.

She now has carers who wash her in bed with hot water and a flannel. They start with her face and cover it with a warm cloth - she likes the heat on her face and while she is distracted by that they wash the rest of her and this works very well as she is clean and fresh and not smelly.
 
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Feri

Registered User
Oct 15, 2021
13
0
Thank you very much asirla. Fortunately she uses small hand holding showe head in the toilet and that keeps her clean at that part.