I wonder if you have seen the film of War Horse. And I was wondering if those roses are still budding?
My way - Dealing with Loss
- Thread starter BeckyJan
- Start date
No Butter. I went to the stage production of Warhouse in September (friends had advised it was better to do that than see the film 
). It was superb although the friend I went with did not enjoy it as much as I did, mainly because I am so fond of animals and the relationship between youth and horse really reached me.
I wrote the words of John Tams first verse of the song in a Memorial Book at the local Hospice, which David was very much involved in setting up in our village.
The rose is doing well - three buds have now flowered but beginning to fade now. I have put them in a cold porch and still wondering whether to prune them now or wait until the Spring.
). It was superb although the friend I went with did not enjoy it as much as I did, mainly because I am so fond of animals and the relationship between youth and horse really reached me. I wrote the words of John Tams first verse of the song in a Memorial Book at the local Hospice, which David was very much involved in setting up in our village.
The rose is doing well - three buds have now flowered but beginning to fade now. I have put them in a cold porch and still wondering whether to prune them now or wait until the Spring.
I'm glad the roses have flowered. My cousin would tell you to prune. I would not dare.
Don't bother with the film ... the boy can't ride, there is a farm with no stock. Just one goose. And no birds sing.
Don't bother with the film ... the boy can't ride, there is a farm with no stock. Just one goose. And no birds sing.
It seems ages since I posted here. My emotional state has taken a turn for the worst. I am ok - just. I started going to a meditation group at our local Hospice (I know them all there very well). It has been good for relaxation but last week my emotions really came to a fore and it has unsettled me.
I guess it had to happen sometime. I went to a full day of meditation last Saturday and hope to continue the weekly session. It may or may not help but will not do harm.
Christmas is a tricky time when memories of happier times with a wonderful partner come to the fore. I WILL be alright but .....?
I guess it had to happen sometime. I went to a full day of meditation last Saturday and hope to continue the weekly session. It may or may not help but will not do harm.
Christmas is a tricky time when memories of happier times with a wonderful partner come to the fore. I WILL be alright but .....?
Christmas is tricky
Jan I had two losses Ray on 19th September, Mum on 20th November and I must say I felt hammered after the second funeral. Like you I have had good times and bad times. I think some of my friends are now wondering why I am not "over it" as I seem so normal on the outside.
Just the lead-up to Christmas has been so disturbing. I had to go out and buy some ornaments for the tree as I could not face using some that were a combination of Mum's and mine. I go to Christmas parties, breeze through them and then come home and cry. I don't think there is an easy way to get through grief, you just have to let the waves come and wash over you before they retreat again.
Sue.
Jan I had two losses Ray on 19th September, Mum on 20th November and I must say I felt hammered after the second funeral. Like you I have had good times and bad times. I think some of my friends are now wondering why I am not "over it" as I seem so normal on the outside.
Just the lead-up to Christmas has been so disturbing. I had to go out and buy some ornaments for the tree as I could not face using some that were a combination of Mum's and mine. I go to Christmas parties, breeze through them and then come home and cry. I don't think there is an easy way to get through grief, you just have to let the waves come and wash over you before they retreat again.
Sue.
BeckyJan.
I come onto this thread with some trepidation. (Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.)
I am only a semi widower, in that my wife is slowly slipping away from me. The long goodbye in fact, even though I try not to let it be like that. I cannot start to imagine how I will be able to face life without her when that time comes. The process that you are having to deal with. So following your story through the thread has been very emotional and I have felt for you every step of the way.
I come onto this thread with some trepidation. (Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.)
I am only a semi widower, in that my wife is slowly slipping away from me. The long goodbye in fact, even though I try not to let it be like that. I cannot start to imagine how I will be able to face life without her when that time comes. The process that you are having to deal with. So following your story through the thread has been very emotional and I have felt for you every step of the way.
Dear Jan,
You have done everything you can to 'cope' with the loss of David. Getting in touch with feelings that are being 'coped' with are disturbing but can sometimes lead to a kind of wholeness. It is good that you are able to share your experience rather than the feeling of disconnectedness that can come from 'coping' alone. That can be a very lonely place - even amongst friends and a crowd. Just try to be patient with yourself and take all the time you need. It is such early days and considering that David has been your number one priority every single day for all these years, it is not surprising that your loss is immense. You have been running on full capacity for a very long time and this, too, takes time to adjust as it leaves a massive hole when it is no longer required. We can find that we are still running on full capacity but with other things without realising.
Much love
You have done everything you can to 'cope' with the loss of David. Getting in touch with feelings that are being 'coped' with are disturbing but can sometimes lead to a kind of wholeness. It is good that you are able to share your experience rather than the feeling of disconnectedness that can come from 'coping' alone. That can be a very lonely place - even amongst friends and a crowd. Just try to be patient with yourself and take all the time you need. It is such early days and considering that David has been your number one priority every single day for all these years, it is not surprising that your loss is immense. You have been running on full capacity for a very long time and this, too, takes time to adjust as it leaves a massive hole when it is no longer required. We can find that we are still running on full capacity but with other things without realising.
Much love
Thank you Sue, Gringo and Helen.
As on another Thread I will think of you all on Christmas Day and hope that we all have a good 2013.
As on another Thread I will think of you all on Christmas Day and hope that we all have a good 2013.
This is my experience. It's two and a half years since I lost John, but sometimes it feels so fresh.
I've thrown myself into all sorts of new activities, and continued with my dementia work locally. I'm frantically busy most of the time, but last weekend depression returned for no apparent reason. There's just no knowing when it will strike.
Christmas has been a bad time for me for years, ever since my daughter died, but this year I thought I was coping well ...... wrong!!! Yesterday was hard because I went with the church choir to sing carols in a care home (not the one John was in). I spent time talking to the residents, and it really took me back. I think some of the visiting families appreciated that I knew what they were going through, so it was worthwhile, and I think has helped me a bit too.
Jan and Sue, it does get better, in that the downs do become less frequent, but the gaps our loved ones left will always be there. I think Christmas will always be painful.
My love and best wishes to you both.
O Jan, it will take a while and maybe longer. You will never truly be the same again, how can you be? Your life has changed so much. But you will find it easier to cope as time goes on I'm sure. As Helen says, be patient and kind to yourself. We cannot grieve to order, there is no time limit. This is such a reflective time of year, it is bound to bring back memories of Christmasses past and your loss is so recent.
I feel anything say I is really too trite for the depth of what you are feeling and I'm so sorry for that. I feel for you so much but cannot reflect that in print. I just want ed you to know that I care. love and sympathy. XXX
I feel anything say I is really too trite for the depth of what you are feeling and I'm so sorry for that. I feel for you so much but cannot reflect that in print. I just want ed you to know that I care. love and sympathy. XXX
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Jan
You have been a wonderful carer, to David and also to us all here on TP. You are always so supportive and give so freely of yourself, I hope you can channel that feeling inward and lavish some of that care on yourself.
Love and Hugs
Helen x x
You have been a wonderful carer, to David and also to us all here on TP. You are always so supportive and give so freely of yourself, I hope you can channel that feeling inward and lavish some of that care on yourself.
Love and Hugs
Helen x x
Hi Jan
I know exactly how you feel - there's suddenly a big gap in our lives and this time of year just seems to make it even worse!
The song that always makes me think of my David and which he also loved was this
http://youtu.be/GC5E8ie2pdM
...so much so that I have even put 'SIMPLY THE BEST' on David's gravestone!!
Thinking of you.
I know exactly how you feel - there's suddenly a big gap in our lives and this time of year just seems to make it even worse!
The song that always makes me think of my David and which he also loved was this
http://youtu.be/GC5E8ie2pdM
...so much so that I have even put 'SIMPLY THE BEST' on David's gravestone!!
Thinking of you.
Hi Jan it's just over a year ago that I lost my great mum I am always ready to tell mum what I've been doing only to find she's not here but I still tell her mum loved Christmas and so did Dad it was always a family time last year was very quite and strange without mum this Christmas I'm spending with my nephew and family and mum and dad will be with us in spirit I have found being a Befriender has really helped me cope and of course Bertie has been my lifeline and my TP friends
Sue that was the song mum come into at her funeral and is special to me because mum was my best friend and will always be the best
Love Laraine
Sue that was the song mum come into at her funeral and is special to me because mum was my best friend and will always be the best
Love Laraine
Its hard to believe its nearly 9 mths since I last posted here .
I have coped reasonably well but with some extremely sad moments and never a day goes by without feeling my David's presence.
I am doggy minding this week and decided this morning I needed time for reflection and to sort out a few issues in my head. So we (doggy and me) went off for a walk and it took me to a spot where we spread David's ashes last October. I felt remarkably secure and strong - bless him!. I turned around and the view of North Derbyshire from there is stunning; what a beautiful spot.
None of this helped with sorting out my issues but it was the best form of meditation and relaxation I could ever find.
. I have coped reasonably well but with some extremely sad moments and never a day goes by without feeling my David's presence.
I am doggy minding this week and decided this morning I needed time for reflection and to sort out a few issues in my head. So we (doggy and me) went off for a walk and it took me to a spot where we spread David's ashes last October. I felt remarkably secure and strong - bless him!. I turned around and the view of North Derbyshire from there is stunning; what a beautiful spot.
None of this helped with sorting out my issues but it was the best form of meditation and relaxation I could ever find.
That's such a positive post Jan.
Nature has a way of giving hope and reassurance.
I am so glad you felt some degree of peace and the presence of your David.
Nature has a way of giving hope and reassurance.
I am so glad you felt some degree of peace and the presence of your David.