My Uncle has dementia

[henrietta]

My Uncle has dementia. At present he has carers that go in 3 times a day. His wife is in hospital and is dying. They have been married 51 years and have always depended on each other. They have no children.

My Uncle is devastated about my Aunty. it leaves him on his own in the flat all week with just the carers for support. Recently he has been going more and more downhill with all the upset and stress of my Aunt. I feel guilty because I have to work full time and I only get to go to the hospital on Saturdays with him.
My Uncle has another relative his nephew , and his wife as well. I also have a sister but she lives in London and has just had a baby.

My Uncle is not tending to his personal hygiene and his appearance is dirty and dishevelled all the time. I have expressed concern to the social worker but they just say that he can still make decisions and he seems ok and that its his right to stay in the flat.

I am worried in the event of my Aunts death which is sadly looking like its going to be soon that I will have to make all the funeral arrangments. Theres just so much involved with my Aunt and Uncle that I worry about all the things that need sorting such as his finances, his deterioration and his emotional needs and support as well as the funeral and all the things that need sorting out. I have done a lot for them for the past three years and I feel that I would like access to services and information to prepare for everything thats to come.

My sister won`t be able to help because she doesnt live here and my Nephews wife works as well as me. I worry that there isnt enough time to sort all these things out.

 

[christine_batch]

Dear Henrietta,
Welcome to Talking Point.
So sorry to read about your Aunt and Uncle.
Have you contacted your Local Alzheimer's Branch?
There are lots of fact sheets on the Alzheimer's Main page.
More people will come on line and give support and help with questions.
Take care of yourself.
Best wishes
Christine

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Henrietta

I have moved your post to the main support board. I feel you will get more replies and response there.

 

[Skye]

Hi, Henrietta, welcome to TP.

You have a lot of responsibility to cope with, as well as working full time.

Christine, suggestion of contacting your local branch of AS is a good one. They will give you advice and support.

The factsheets are here:

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/factsheets

You'll find lots of information on them.

Do you have Power of Attorney for your uncle? If not, I think you should see a solicitor as soon as possible to get one drawn up. It had to be signed while your uncle can still understand it. As you say, you're going to have to sort out their finances, and that will be difficult without PoA.

I'm afraid SS are right, if your uncle refuses to leave his home, there is nothing they can do. But perhaps you could shart dropping little hints to him about how wonderful to be cared for all the time, and to have company?

I'm sorry you're Aunty's dying, it must make all this so much harder for you to cope with. But don't worry about the funeral, the hospital will give you all the information you need, the undertaker will sort out the funeral, and the solicitor will deal with the will. I think you'll find you have plenty of time.

But please make the PoA a priority.

And come here and post if you have questions, or just want some support. There's almost always someone here.

All the best,