My Uncle has dementia and is also being neglected by his children!!! Help!!

Zaraalowes

Registered User
Feb 8, 2017
2
0
merthyr tydfil
Hi guys, My name is Zara. I have an uncle who has dementia he is 52 years old and is sadly being neglected by his children who are supposed to be caring for him. he is in a bad way at the moment he is laying in his own poo and pee. I live 300 miles away, my other cousins have been there and his son is locking the door and cant get in. his son will not let anyone in .

we contacted social services about 3 months ago concerned about his health and well being, sadly social services did nothing! Now this week we have got intouch with his social worker and to be honest with you he isnt much help at all.

i spoke with him today and he said he was happy fr me to go through his children about my uncle, the thing is, is its them thats the problem with his care etc. they arent looking after him properly, he is under nourished, no weight on him at all, he hasnt been bathed or showered in i dont know how long. all he does is lay in a bed curled up in a ball 24/7. his social worker isnt helping us and my uncle needs help!

i need to get him out of there, so i rung the police. they were going around there today havent heard from them. i dont know what else to do! seems like everyone is failing us. im wondering how i could rehouse him to a care home where he would have 24/7 care and be looked after instead of being neglected. its breaking our hearts. we need to find help for him asap.

does anyone know of anything else i could do please? it would be great thanks for your time Zara
 
Last edited:

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
Welcome to talking point, and sorry to hear your worries about your uncle. In the circumstances, I think you have probably done all you can do for now - but you might also consider writing your concerns to the Social Worker, and tell them that you feel your uncle is a vulnurable adult and is at risk and that they have a duty of care to him. From such a distance, and as you say his son won't let anyone in, how do you know your uncle's current condition?
 

Zaraalowes

Registered User
Feb 8, 2017
2
0
merthyr tydfil
Hi lady A, my cousin got in last week, because he threatend to kick the door down. but was soon thrown out when he said about my uncles state. if i have to travel up there then i will have to. yes i think thats a good idea too i will ring his social worker again tomorrow and tell him he does have a duty of care to him. its so sad but we need help asap
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
Hi lady A, my cousin got in last week, because he threatend to kick the door down. but was soon thrown out when he said about my uncles state. if i have to travel up there then i will have to. yes i think thats a good idea too i will ring his social worker again tomorrow and tell him he does have a duty of care to him. its so sad but we need help asap

Don't phone - email, or write. If you don't have an email address, then phone and get the email address and then email. It's all about leaving a paper trail! :) If you phone, you have no proof you told them anything, really. If you email, you can set it to get a "read receipt" so you can know it was received. And the key words to use are that you believe your uncle is a "vulnurnable adult at risk" - because if they have been warned of this, from what I understand, they do have to investigate.
 

Harrys daughter

Registered User
Jul 12, 2016
385
0
Hi zara
Lady A if better than me to advise but I was wanting to offer a different side could it be that your uncle is in fact quite advanced to a place were he isn't eating much and maybe would acount for his weight lose
I cared for my dad he was a big burly man hands like shovels but he lost massive amount of weight towards the end of his life he refused baths because he believed he had been in the bath that day already it was so difficult as he always was such a clean man could it be maybe his son was maybe just huffed that family members were just poking there noses in it is a tiering and difficult job to care for a loved one at home with this dreadful illness and tbh If some of my dad's nephews had seen him like this thay to may of thought we weren't careing proply maybe the police will be able to reassure you
Failing that fingers crossed the sw gets back to you with more reassuring news x

Sent from my SM-G930F using Talking Point mobile app
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
All very true, HD. And I'm sure if that is the case, the original poster's mind can be put at rest. Certainly, if anyone had questioned my care of my husband, I would have been tempted to give them short shrift! I do think though that as the concern has been raised with the social worker, they do have a duty to investigate. If the concern turns out to be unfounded, and it's just that the poster's uncle is in the last stages of the disease, but is being cared for, then let them report back to that effect. There was a case here in Ireland some years ago where an elderly mother, being cared for by her dau and partner, according to the daughter, (and by anecdotal evidence of those who knew her was a very strong willed woman), refused personal care, refused to eat, refused to drink, refused to let visitors in. Her daughter was used to doing what her mother wanted and told her. She turned away visitors. Her mother refused to be changed - so the dau and her partner didn't change her. The woman eventually died of sheer neglect, filthy and covered in sores - and the dau and her husband were charged and convicted - can't remember if it was murder or manslaughter. But, you see, I could see how that would happen, with a strong willed person with dementia, refusing care. And a carer browbeaten, (and in this case, not the brightest spark to start with) used to obeying. And not maybe, used to over-ruling her mother. Yes, the dau & her partner should have just called the Public Health nurse, and got her mother into a nursing home where she could be properly cared for. They claimed the mother didn't want the nurse brought in so it didn't occur to them to get the nurse anyway.
So, it's always better if there's even the slightest suspicion of neglect, to get things checked out. 99% of the time, things are ok - but there is that 1% of time, where maybe "the inheritence" is being protected to the detriment of the pwd. Hopefully, Zara's mind can be put at rest, and all is well. And if all is not as well as it might be, then her uncle can get proper care.
 

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