I have been reading a lot of posts on here from posters whose loved ones are going through the end stages of their dementia and some are rather harrowing and I have an awful dread of when it becomes my dads turn because it is getting closer now, I know that but I keep thinking of something that someone said to me some time ago and it makes me feel a bit better somehow so I am going to share it.
I belong to a hiking group (U3A) although I don't think I have been for about a year now because I am looking after dad and it has become impossible but I used to thoroughly enjoy our hikes through the countryside twice a month on a Friday morning whatever the weather. We were a very varied bunch, most of us were retired and in fact I was one of the youngest when I joined at age 55 and was still working part time. We would often do ten miles before lunch time. I am 61 now and things have changed and I have not been for nearly a year.
Anyway we would always do a different route and everyone chatted to everyone as we moved up and down the line but I often used to end up talking to a woman a few years older than myself as we were both caring for our elderly dads and we would share our stories and experiences of our dads and how we were caring for them. Her dad was over 90 and she lived with him and had been caring for him for a number of years but he didn't have dementia. She always used to try to make the hike because she enjoyed it the same as I did. Then there came a time when she did not turn up for quiet a long time and I wondered why and if it was because of her dad.
Then one Friday about a year and a half ago she suddenly turned up again and I was so pleased to see her.and of course I asked her how her dad was and she told me that he had died. I was genuinely concerned because I know how long she had been looking after him and I just said 'I am so sorry to hear that' and she smiled at me and 'No don't be sorry, I have done my bit and now it is my time' then she promptly went on to tell me that she had already booked her trip to India that she had waited so long to go on.
She gave me a kind of inspiration in that she had just got on with the job that had to be done because it was her dad but now he was gone that job was finished and now it was her time. She had obviously done her best and was left with no guilt and was just going to get on with the things she had always planned to do and I am hoping that I can be just like that when my dad dies as I feel I am doing quiet a good job even if I sometimes moan about it.
I think that sometimes we beat ourselves up about things that we have no control of even when we have done our utmost. I admired her attitude at the time and it keeps coming back to me and I think that she sort of got it right. Last time I saw her she was off to Peru and so looking forward to it. Personally I think she has earned her 'my time' and I wish her all the best. I want to be like that.
I belong to a hiking group (U3A) although I don't think I have been for about a year now because I am looking after dad and it has become impossible but I used to thoroughly enjoy our hikes through the countryside twice a month on a Friday morning whatever the weather. We were a very varied bunch, most of us were retired and in fact I was one of the youngest when I joined at age 55 and was still working part time. We would often do ten miles before lunch time. I am 61 now and things have changed and I have not been for nearly a year.
Anyway we would always do a different route and everyone chatted to everyone as we moved up and down the line but I often used to end up talking to a woman a few years older than myself as we were both caring for our elderly dads and we would share our stories and experiences of our dads and how we were caring for them. Her dad was over 90 and she lived with him and had been caring for him for a number of years but he didn't have dementia. She always used to try to make the hike because she enjoyed it the same as I did. Then there came a time when she did not turn up for quiet a long time and I wondered why and if it was because of her dad.
Then one Friday about a year and a half ago she suddenly turned up again and I was so pleased to see her.and of course I asked her how her dad was and she told me that he had died. I was genuinely concerned because I know how long she had been looking after him and I just said 'I am so sorry to hear that' and she smiled at me and 'No don't be sorry, I have done my bit and now it is my time' then she promptly went on to tell me that she had already booked her trip to India that she had waited so long to go on.
She gave me a kind of inspiration in that she had just got on with the job that had to be done because it was her dad but now he was gone that job was finished and now it was her time. She had obviously done her best and was left with no guilt and was just going to get on with the things she had always planned to do and I am hoping that I can be just like that when my dad dies as I feel I am doing quiet a good job even if I sometimes moan about it.
I think that sometimes we beat ourselves up about things that we have no control of even when we have done our utmost. I admired her attitude at the time and it keeps coming back to me and I think that she sort of got it right. Last time I saw her she was off to Peru and so looking forward to it. Personally I think she has earned her 'my time' and I wish her all the best. I want to be like that.