1. sunset22

    sunset22 Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    6
    preparing myself for the move home to care for my mum who's in her early 50's i was doing some reading and research and came across this forum. after initially reacting, well, not badly, but not as supportive as i should have been and generally not knowing how to cope with the news that my mum had early onset dementia, i moved to see how she would cope on her own. and bless her, she's surviving, but not happy, and i couldn't live my own life properly knowing that, so am moving home and going to take care of her like she did me in my childhood. being in my early 20', i don't know what this means for me and my career/life plans, all i know is my mum isn't happy, and i want to make her feel safe, loved and not alone. i'm not really sure why i'm here talking, but i guess it's nice to share your story and know that i'm not alone.
     
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Warm welcome sunset to TP.

    Now that you have found us you will not be alone.

    I wish you well in continuing to care for your mum. Only you know what will be the best for the both of you. Do let us know how things continue along.
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Sunset

    Welcome to TP.

    Your mum is very young to have dementia, and you are very young to take over her care. Do you have any brothers and sisters to share the load?

    I hope you'll continue to post. Someone can usually offer advice if you have a problem, and lots of support when you need it.

    Best wishes
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I also wish you all the best in caring for your mother and would like to welcome you also to TP .

    Its good to share xx
     
  5. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    716
    Ashford, Kent
    Hi Sunset

    Welcome.

    I think it's a wonderful thing you are doing moving back with your Mum.

    Five years ago my Mum was diagnosed with kidney failure, and my Dad started showing the first signs of Dementia.

    I asked them to come live with me, which they did. I have 2 children (7 and 13), so, they were very young at the time. I am am 38, my husband 31 - a lot of our friends/relations didn't think it was something that we should do. They felt we were ruining both our lives, and the kids lives.

    Five years on, we lost Mum 4 weeks ago and now we're all Dad has.

    If you asked me, would I still do it all again. Yes, I would. It's not ruined our lives. Changed it, perhaps, but not spoilt or ruined. When you love people, you just do what is in your heart.

    Make sure you do get support though, because moving back to care for her is one thing, but remembering to enjoy your life is important too. Your Mum wouldn't want you to turn into a recluse caring for her.

    Best wishes.

    Beverley x
     
  6. Louise.D

    Louise.D Registered User

    Apr 13, 2007
    68
    Essex
    Hi,

    You are very brave and I wish you all the best. I looked after my mum but in the end had to place her in a home.

    You like me can only try. Please take note of Beverleys words, you are only young and your life is important too. She's very young to have dementia and your very young to be in this position.


    Good Luck

    Louise
     
  7. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    just wanted to say good luck and get all the support you can
     
  8. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    I really think this point bears repeating. One of the things that my mother always said to me was: I hope you have a life doing something other than this (i.e. caring for her). I think it's very important that you not become consumed by caring: it's not healthy and I don't think it's necessary: i.e. you can be a carer AND be your own person as well.
     
  9. clarethebear

    clarethebear Registered User

    Oct 16, 2007
    197
    manchester, uk
    Hi Sunset

    Welcome to TP.

    As other's have said your mum is very young to have this condition and you are young to be her carer. I think what you have decided do to by moving in with her is a very loving thing, at such a young age.

    As other's have also said please get as much help as you can. Please keep us upto date with how the move back goes.

    I wish you all the best.

    Take Care
    Clare
     
  10. sunset22

    sunset22 Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    6
    thank you

    thank you..to all of you for taking the time to reply, your words are much appreciated and i take on board all you have said. i will try and live my life too, though where i am moving back to there aren't a huge amount of people and friends around as they've all moved away since my school days, but i will find time. i have brothers and sisters who i will hopefully talk to regularly, and who will remind me to live my own life too. i'm scared, scared that i will move back and feel like i'm all mum has and that be that, but i know i have alot of years ahead of me, so need to keep on top of things and think about me too. but you're right, she's young and that's whats so scary, it could be years before she gets alot worse, or it could be tomorrow, that's why it's so hard for others to understand. i think i am the most sensitive out of all my brothers and sisters, though i know if they were in a position to do so, they'd come and help too, i believe things happen for a reason, and it so happens that i'm in a point in my life where i'm not yet setteled where i am or with a steady job, so am able to up sticks and go back. we've been worried about her driving for a few years if we're honest, but only now has she been assessed and found that the part of her brain that uses spacial awareness is shot to pieces, so driving they have said she really shouldn't be doing, trouble is we're out in the sticks and at the moment it's her only lifeline to getting around and seeing someone (albeit at the supermarket) in a day apart from her cats. it just makes me so sad when i think about. so i am going home so can drive her places and know she and everyone else on the road is safe. it's so hard when it somes to the driving, as you don't want to offend them, but getting the doc and psychologist involved has helped her realise (i hope!) that it really isn't a good idea and she'll be much happier. anyway, thanks again for your kind words all of you, and as always, is good to talk x
     
  11. clarethebear

    clarethebear Registered User

    Oct 16, 2007
    197
    manchester, uk
    Hi Sunset

    Im just wondering, you say you have brothers and sisters, do they live close to your mum at all? I'm only asking this because I was wondering if you chatted with them and asked if right from the start of you moving back with your mum that at least one night a week they stay with your mum for a few hours. If they could do this at least one night a week on a set night, it would give you the chance to pamper yourself or arrange to go out with friends and meet new people close to your mums. If this could be set up from the start your mum will also get use to them coming over and you going out, so it becomes part of the routine. Just a thought, you don't have to even go out every week, just sit and read a book in peace for awhile knowing someone is with your mum.

    Take Care
    Clare
     

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