1. Paulineanne

    Paulineanne Registered User

    May 16, 2010
    22
    #1 Paulineanne, Oct 1, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2015
    I have not visited this forum since my mother passed in December 2014. I am still stunned, shocked, sad, heartbroken and lost... I miss her so much and everyday is difficult.

    Mum was so peaceful at the end... her face, shining like an angel, she simply accepted what was to be. I just wish I could be as accepting. I am so thankful for having the opportunity to have looked after her until the end. Albeit sometimes it was a struggle.
    Life is strange and time goes so quickly..

    What now.. the world is a lonely place without my lovely mother - her love was like no other...
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,349
    Merseyside
    I'm so sorry that you're struggling so much. Grief is very complex & has no time scale.
    You obviously loved each other very much.
     
  3. JackieJames

    JackieJames Registered User

    Dec 31, 2014
    83
    USA
    I am so sorry for your pain. It is obvious that you loved her very much ... and she knew that. I hope you find some peace in knowing that you did all you could to help her through that difficult journey.
    May God Bless You.
    Jackie
     
  4. meme

    meme Registered User

    Aug 29, 2011
    1,953
    Female
    London
    I am sorry for your pain...I still cry for my mother almost every day ...just when I am sitting still and doing nothing I see her lovely photo on the mantlepiece and that does it, she died in 2013. But all the memories are there especially from childhood. I wish you calm and peace amidst the pain, and that pain is love isnt it.
     
  5. Cara 1964

    Cara 1964 Registered User

    Sep 29, 2015
    6
    Powys
    Mothers

    I have just joined and this is my first post - I wanted to respond because your message was so recent and so anguished.
    My beloved mother died suddenly from a heart attack in 2010 aged 70. It was devastating. Over time - and time is important - and as a mother myself, I have 'come to terms' with losing her and I just want to share this with you.
    Please do not think that I mean this as a 'solution' or even as something that might help you - i simply want to share it with you as a perspective...
    My mother was a nurse, health visitor, Marriage Guidance councillor and hospital volunteer. She always helped others. I had a photo calendar printed of lovely photos taken over the years and have some portraits (photos) around the house (with lots of others mainly family). I use it every year since. I often look at her, make comments to her even pose questions and ponder what she would say in reply! We are very alike.
    But the most powerful thought that has 'settled' me in the time since is that she would not want me to be distraught or desperately unhappy but to get on with living life. Most particularly she would not want her grandchildren to suffer seeing their mother not coping or my marriage put at risk because of the strain.
    If the desperation of grief started to get the upper hand I could 'hear' her - and she was a strong character.
    I have also been on a Pain Management course because of my problems and met others who all have life stories of struggles to tell. After three years on the waiting list I finally had psychotherapy for depression as well as the 'happy pills' and was taught mindfulness (an excellent technique for life in general).
    We often talk about her here at home and remember things she said and did so she is not lost to us completely.
    As you follow your path a part of her will always be both in your head and, if you allow her, by your side...
    With all good wishes.
     
  6. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a tough time. I found it cathartic when my husband died, to sort out all the photo albums, and cards. I laughed, and I cried, but it was the best thing for me to do. I wish you peace. xxx
     
  7. Sasky

    Sasky Registered User

    Jan 29, 2014
    103
    Ashford, Kent
    Oh Paulineanne. I lost my darling Mum in November 2014 in 6 weeks it will be the 1st anniversary. Like you I miss her desperately, I cry every day and cannot accept my Mum has gone from me. So I do know I really do how you are feeling
     
  8. Bear44

    Bear44 Registered User

    Sep 28, 2015
    126
    USA
    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    I lost my mother who was my best friend in October 2007. I miss her madly.

    She passed away unexpectedly, I still cry from the pain.

    There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her.
     
  9. Padraig

    Padraig Registered User

    Dec 10, 2009
    1,039
    Hereford
    Firstly I have to mention that I normally refrain from posting on 'dealing with loss', but after long thought, just maybe my strange perspective might be of some help.
    Since my wife's passing I constantly remind 'our' son and daughter that their Mother is very much alive in them. Often men refer to their son or daughter, something I can't do. They were given life and blood by their Mum for nine months before they enter the world. I see in them, not only in looks, but the fine qualities she passed on to them. Her years of love and nurture are ever present. I tell them if they wish to see their Mother; "Look in the mirror and notice you are very much part of her."

    Personally I have no fond memories of my biological mother. I was introduced to her for the first time when I was sixteen. We were both strangers, all I wanted to was to get away from from her as fast as possible, which I did. In recent years, I've research the family background and as it transpired the woman that brought me into this world, it was best I had nothing to do with her. She damaged so many lives, in today's world she'd have been put away for her own good. All I feel for her is sorrow as she must have died with many regrets. It came as a surprise to discover that she passed away in her 80s and lived in Manchester.

    The best part about growing up without any parents or family, is when you find love and start a family of your own your world becomes a wonderful.
    We were married 52 years and that young Durham girl was my salvation and inspiration. She made me whole and gave me an extended family. Often I sit alone and count my blessings as I wander back along fond memory lane: more than enough to last till I join her.
     

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