1. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear All,

    This forum is growing larger every day due to the huge amount of feedback and shared experiences between us all and it's a wonderful feeling to be able to reach out and help other people -and also receive such positive responses to our own worries.

    I try and log into this website every day and answer as many posts as I can, but more and more it seems that every post that I look at is 'by Jude, by Jude, by Jude'.

    I'm starting to feel that I am posting too much and not giving anyone else a chance to respond. If so, then I do apologise for this. This is my only lifeline to the outside world at present and I really need to speak to people every single day!

    All I want to say here is that my need to write to everyone is not coming from any desire of mine to dominate the conversation. Nobody has even suggested it, but I do feel that I take up a lot of time on this forum and I'm wondering if I should stop posting for a while to give everyone else a chance. There are many people who haven't posted for ages and it would be really nice to hear from them all again.

    I am not the 'last word' on AD. I can only share my own personal experiences with everyone and hope that I can help in a small way. I try and keep my messages positive and bright, because in doing so, it keeps me feeling positive. There are so many carers here with problems that are far, far more serious than mine. I sometimes wonder how we all keep going.......

    Please do give me some feedback on this, because I am feeling a bit low at present and wonder if I'm really doing any good here.

    Best Wishes, Jude
  2. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    Keep posting

    If you hadn't of posted I wouldn't have got talking to you and would still be feeling lost and alone.
    Don't be daft! You're an inspiration. Maybe some people just like to read other's post and don't want to say anything. You can still get lots out of reading other's experiences and saying nothing.
    "Keep your drawers on Mrs!"
  3. carol

    carol Registered User

    Jun 24, 2004
    Jude, Jude, Jude

    I for one very much look forward to your replies, I am not in the same situation as you, my father in law of 84 is the main carer for my mother in law of 81. She is physically fit has a good sense of humour, but her short term memory has gone. Father in law keeps her safe, but is not very good in the personal care department, her clothes mainly only get washed when she rinses odd things out in the bath, and that is not very frequently, her hair only gets washed once in a blue moon, but he will not let anyone else help. We would like her to go to a day centre where she could have a bath and hairwash once a week, but he says she will not like it. Social services and CPN have all been involved recently, and they say they will chip away at him slowly, but she is the one that needs the personal care. I fear for both of them really, because I fear he is too old to properly care for her, and incidently he doesn't do 'knickers and things' A few years ago mother in law was always very well presented, now she wears glasses that are years old, can never find the most recent ones, and he doesn't seem to notice - even when she went through a stage of incontinence he didn't seem to notice that much either. So please Jude, please keep posting I love hearing news of your Mum and Dad and you sound so friendly.

    Best wishes, Carol x
  4. Ruthie

    Ruthie Registered User

    Jul 9, 2003
    South Coast
    Keep posting, Jude!

    Dear Jude

    I follow your posts with great interest and feel I almost know you and your parents personally! I also enjoy your witty comments and your little rants about officialdom etc, and like to hear about how the Balinese people deal with their elderly folk. Keep going, please!

    Very best wishes

  5. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    Dearest Jude

    please don't even consider going "on hold". You're amazing just like everyone else here and its only by being able to share each others experiences that we all get those little "out of body" experiences and lift ourselves above our own troubles and torments for a few moments each day.

    Keep posting - keep sharing - and keep sane!

  6. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003
    Hi Jude,

    Firstly, I want to say that I know exactly how you feel.

    I moderatate a forum for people with a rare eye disorder and quite frankly it seems like I'm chatting to myself sometimes. We only have 350 members and I'd say only four members who seem 'very active'. But its those four members who keep the forum alive and without them I often wonder what would happen.

    Please keep posting, keep inspiring and keep stimulating us all.

    Kindest Regards
  7. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    Well Jude you have got your answer,keep posting .
    Like you this site is almost my only lifeline,some one to talk to.
    I do have one other,a lady who works for "cares".
    Like you Jude I wonder whether my answers and comments are useful to others, because I have had a great deal of help myself and I wouldn't want to take and not give some thing back in return.
    Day to Day Jude say hello Sailor some time,
  8. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    #8 Jude, Jul 26, 2004
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2004
    Dear All,


    I've had an attack of the blues this weekend. The carers have gone off to Somerset for a 4 day weekend and I've been holed up in the house with the oldies 24/7 - and we've had a couple of bad nights. Sleep deprivation doesn't make one feel too crash hot, does it?

    Also, my cousin and wife came to visit on Saturday arvo and she made a few comments to the effect that I'd caused my parents to get AD because of my unsavoury habit of living in a very dangerous country.

    The oldies started to get AD in 1997, which was when I was living in East Java, during all the upheavel of Suharto being removed from Office. It was a very dangerous time then and I did actually have to bail out and go to Darwin for several months. None of my letters where getting through to England, although I didn't know this until I had a call from the British Consulate requesting me to ring home, which I did immediately. It transpired that my parents hadn't heard from me for months and were frantic with worry. This according to my cousin's wife had caused their current problems and implied that it was all my fault. So much for the wonderfully understanding relatives......!

    After they left here, I had a MASSIVE guilt attack and sent an SOS to Bruce who, bless him, sorted my head out.

    That's why I wrote my post - because I was feeling like a complete fraud.

    Thanks to Brucie, and all your brilliant messages of support today, I think I'll be back to my usual bossy, opinionated self fairly shortly. And yes, the drawers are almost firmly in place again.

    Thanks guys, with love. Jude xxx
  9. karen_white

    karen_white Registered User

    Apr 21, 2004
    I get so much from yours, Bruce's and Norman's replies.
    I to look forward to them every much.
    I would like to reply more, but I'm not very good with words and I don't seem to be able to put things as well as your three.
    It's wonderful that we all have to give us your feedback.
    Keep it up.xx
  10. janey

    janey Registered User

    Jun 29, 2004
    Hi Jude
    Sometimes people's (eg 'cousin's wife') ignorance, cheek and outright cruelty beggars belief! Keep strong and keep writing - besides doing yourself good you're also helping a lot of people who read this forum, whether they all feel able to post themselves or not.
  11. Geraldine

    Geraldine Registered User

    Oct 17, 2003
    Hi Jude

    please keep posting. I found the wonderful thing about this forum, is that while most of join it in need of help and often in despair because of our shared experiences we can all eventually offer support and advice. I admire your stength at being able to keep your parents at home and run a business half way round the world. I wish we were in a position to visit Bali and your hotel I imagine it would be an amazing experience,

  12. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    There's going to be a helluva punch up when we all decide to go to Bali on the same week and find there's not enough space...

  13. cathy

    cathy Registered User

    Oct 16, 2003

    Dear Jude

    I really look forward to your witty and reassuring messages, i believe that many members might not post many of their own messages but are assured, inspired and amused by yours.

    Please keep writing (and Brucie and Norman)

  14. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Guys,

    Well, I've got over my paranoia attack fairly quickly. All your wonderful comments and support helped tremendous. I am extremely grateful to you all. I don't usually hit the pit, but when I do, then I seem to do it big time. A big thank you to everyone!

    We all had a great day today. Took the oldies down to visit my father's brother in a little village close to Andover. We met up with my cousin and uncle and went out to lunch at a beautiful little thatched roof pub set a glorious garden, with a stream running by. The food was fabulous. The conversation was pretty wonderful too. My uncle also has AD, so the chat meandered along much as the stream did and much of it was very amusing. It was pretty relaxing for everyone and the oldies had a lovely day out.

    With very best wishes, Jude
  15. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Bruce,

    If you all come to Bali in the same week, I'd be delighted! I'll have to put you into my neighbour's hotel as well, which is really nice too.

    I've written to the events people on the web here and offered Flamboyant as a venue for forthcoming projects for next year. We won't be scaling mountains, but we could be snorkeling, diving fishing or walking in the rainforest. Nothing too strenuous - it's too hot.

  16. naomi

    naomi Registered User

    Jul 8, 2004
    hi.just started writing last week on this web site.it is helping as I struggle with my mum Alzheimers.Its nice sometimes when my eight month old daughter goes to bed and I can read the post here.Its my birthday soon and I will miss mum as she will have no interest in the day so my partner is treating me to a weekend away.All the best Jude.
  17. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    taking everything into consideration,I think we are about 7 years too late for Bali.
    I think I will stick with Weston Super Mare and be grateful
  18. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Norman,

    It will probably take you just as long to drive to Weston as to get to Bali. And think of all that sunshine and clear blue oceans, instead of miles of mud...!

    Everyone needs an exotic holiday at least once in their lives. And think about all the ocean fresh fish every day instead of winkles and chips. [Can you still eat shellfish here in the UK, or are they all toxic now?]

    A large proportion of our guests are 50-70 years old from Europe. We have regular guests who come every year for a month or so to escape the winter. Flamboyant is run as a 'family guesthouse' and we make sure that our guests have the holiday that they want to have, whether it be going on tours or just relaxing in the gardens.

    We also get a lot of local Indonesian tour guides staying with us. They drop their guests into the really expensive hotels and then spend the night with us. They love staying with us because they say they feel 'at home' and I make it my business to know every single one of them by name. The tour guides are fluent in English, German, French, Italian, Chinese, etc and our tourists have a great time talking to them about Indonesia and their own countries. It's wonderful to see so many people from diverse cultures and religions having such a great time together!

    In a small way, I think we help to break down cultural barriers and xenophobia and it certainly helps people understand that we are all basically human beings with similar aspirations.

    So don't ever think you are too old.

    Best wishes, Jude
  19. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    I am not too old but I think with my wife's AD it would be impossible now
    Lovely thought though
  20. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Norman,

    With the help of Nada and Bruce, I should be able to get all the photos posted up soon - next week I hope. Bear with me. I'm not too brilliant with this computer stuff. At least you will be able to enjoy the scenery.

    Now that I have some really good 'computer boffs' on my case, I'll be able to correspond with everyone when I'm over in Bali as well. I felt really isolated from the action when I was away from Feb-June and missed talking to eveyone here. It's great being in Indonesia, but I really do like to speak a bit of English every day!


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