1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

My Positive friends.

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Mal2, May 14, 2016.

  1. Mal2

    Mal2 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2014
    #1 Mal2, May 14, 2016
    Last edited: May 14, 2016
    Hi everyone haven't been on for some time, and I am only now able to tell you what has happened..

    I was called to the hospital on Sunday 24th April. My brother had been unwell that morning vomiting, which unfortunately went into his lungs and he was unable to breath on his own. They rushed him to CCU, placed him into an induced sleep and attached him to machines supplying medication. We were obviously in shock, but, were optimistic he would fight back as he had done previous times.

    I was called again early Wednesday morning, telling me he was not good and the family should be called. We spent the day with him, and left at 5pm only for me to get another call at 6pm to go back to the hospital. We were told by the Doctor that he was already on the highest doses of meds, and even if he had a heart attack they would be unable to supply anything else to help. He therefore wanted us to approve him having the meds stopped. As each medication finished, it was not refreshed, the final one ended, and, he passed peacefully 15 minutes later.

    The funeral service was on Monday (9th) I think he would have been pleased with the one we arranged for him. A really true Elvis fan, we started with 'I Believe'. followed by a reading from John 4 1-6. My brother did the Eulogy of us growing up together, and I read 'Footprints'. One of his favourites. The organist played 'To be a Pilgrim' as we all placed red roses on his coffin. The service continued with The Lord's Prayer, The committal and final prayers, then 'Abide with me'. Finishing with a final Elvis song If I Can Dream.

    The flowers were lovely, I had a motorbike, my daughter a helmet, to celebrate his motorbike days at the Ace Café. My brother and I had a coffin wreath of Red Roses. white lilies and gyp, it was beautiful. One of his name from my brother. Uncle from my daughter in Florida, Pillows, and others from Family and Friends. So pleased he had everyone there with him for his final journey.

    Our final thing to do for him will be another service next week, to have the casket of his ashes, interred in the grave of our parents, which he always wanted.

    I am now clearing his flat, which is upsetting. Completely devastated. It has all happened so quickly. Still trying to get our heads around it. I thought we had many more years together.

    M xxx
  2. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    Condolences to you and your family Mal. Rob
  3. disi

    disi Registered User

    Oh my dear mal, I am so sorry to read about your brother and send much love and sympathy to you and all the family. Time will heal and you will have all the memories that can never be taken away. Much love, Diana xxxxxxx
  4. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    near Folkestone
    Mal the service must have been sad yet lovely. Sorry you are upset having to clear the flat. Holding you hand while you are doing it. Heartfelt hugs xxxx

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  5. maryw

    maryw Registered User

    Nov 16, 2008
    So sorry to hear of your sad loss. What an amazingly personal and truly thought out funeral service. It's horrible clearing out personal belongings xxx
  6. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    My condolences, Mal2
    you all gave him a truly beautiful and fitting send off
  7. bemused1

    bemused1 Registered User

    Mar 4, 2012
    Mal I am so sorry. Must have been such a shock. I'm glad the funeral was as you wanted. Courage for dealing with the ongoing reminders. xx
  8. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    Mal - I am sorry to hear of your brother, I know you worked hard to look after him well. Sounds like you gave him a really good send off. JMxxx
  9. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    The Sweet North
    I am so sorry to learn of the loss of your brother, Mal. You have been so supportive of him, even with all you need to do at home for Stan, you were there for him.
    It will be a comfort to know he passed peacefully, and all the family were able to give tributes to him, even those who could not be there in person. The service sounds so well thought out, and all this will give you comfort I know.
    It is a very sad task to remove the belongings of someone so close to you who left you sooner than expected, and you have my fullest sympathy, both for your loss, and for the difficult time ahead.
  10. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    North East England
    Mal, I'm so sorry to hear your very sad news. The funeral sounds absolutely lovely. Sending hugs and strength for the coming days xxx
  11. Spiro

    Spiro Registered User

    Mar 11, 2012
    So sorry to read your sad news, please accept my condolences.
  12. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    Sorry to hear the news Mal. Condolences to you and your family.
  13. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    Goodness me, Mal. What a shock, darling. My hubby used to go with his pals to the Ace when they all decided to have a biker's jolly over there, many years ago. That didn't half strike a chord with me.

    You did all you could for your brother. Worked hard to keep his flat clean and tidy. I hope things start to ease for you.

    I had a phone call of the not so nice kind earlier today myself, so am with you in spirit. Much love to you, Mal.
  14. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    Mal so sorry to read your sad news, my condolences to all the family.
  15. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    So very sorry to read your post Mal. The loss of your brother must leave a big hole in your life, and it must have been a shock to lose him so unexpectedly early. He was very fortunate to have you as a sister to look out for him.
    The funeral sounds as though it was perfect, it's so important to get it right isn't it and it is a comfort when it is.
    Sorry you have the very sad job of cleaning out his flat. I hope you have some help with this, it's such an emotional journey to have to go through.
    Sending you a lot of love and a big hug. Es
  16. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    North Somerset
    So sorry to hear your news, Mal and how awful that it should happen do suddenly. Such a shock for you all. It sounds as tho you arranged an amazing funeral, just as he would have wanted. Now take care of yourself. Loving hugs. xxx
  17. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    Sending you my sincere condolenses, l am an Elvis fan well done Mal the funeral sounds as though you did exactly what your brother would have wanted.
  18. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    Sending loving thoughts at this difficult time xxx
  19. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    Thinking of you. Lots of love.xxxxxxxx
  20. Maymab

    Maymab Registered User

    Oct 8, 2013
    Condolences to you. My thoughts are with you at this sad time.

    Sent from my Nexus 7 using Talking Point mobile app

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