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My poor mother is gone


Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
SW London
We had a call on Sunday morning to say her breathing was laboured and she wasn't responding. GP said she was 'very poorly' although there were no obvious signs of infection, and he gave her a day or two. Knowing how very strong she is I had thought it might well go on longer and it was such a worry, since the whole family is going to be away very soon for one week plus, for daughter's big wedding do in France.
But thankfully it was not to be - she died yesterday afternoon and one of us was with her the whole time, not that she seemed to be aware of anything or anyone at all. Brother and sister and BiL have been staying the past 2 nights.

Although it is always very sad to lose a parent, she was in such a bad way, poor old thing, that none of us could really have wished for her to go on any longer.
One lovely thing, brother was going through her papers last night, and he found a really lovely letter to us all, evidently to be read after her death, but she must have written it around 20 years ago. It was our pre-dementia mother talking, and it was as if she was there again, just as she was before.

I shall still be popping in here now and then, and wishing you all the very best on this awful journey. Ours has lasted over 15 years - she was 97 last month.

We phoned her lovely ex cleaning lady last night, who had become more of a very good friend to her than anything, and she said, 'I'm sorry, but I'm not,' which we thought was a good way of putting it.

xx to all.


Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
I'm so sorry t read your news Witzend - but like your cleaning lady, I'm not. It's so good you were with your mum at the end and wonderful that should have that letter. Sending condolences to you and your family.


Registered User
Jan 29, 2009
So sorry to read this but I understand your comments about your Mum's quality of life. I wish you and your family strength for the time ahead and hope all goes well. Take care xx


Registered User
Jun 29, 2010
I'm sorry to hear your news Witzend, but glad for your mother and your family that the struggle is finally over, peacefully.

As always though, how lovely it is to come across a letter written by your mum when she was well - I'm sure that will be the catalyst for happier memories of how she used to be for you all.

And how lovely that you have the happy occasion of your daughter's wedding to take you into the future with positive things to look forward to.


Registered User
Nov 7, 2011
I can only echo the words of your cleaning lady, Witzend.

I know from your posts, which have so often mirrored mine, that after the initial shock, (and losing your mother is always hard, even if you think you're prepared) this is for the best.

The idea of a letter is lovely. I might have to think about that myself.....


Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
Near Southampton
I'm sorry to read your sad news. Please accept my sympathy.
To lose your mother is always upsetting even when you know it releases her from all she has suffered.


Registered User
May 18, 2014
To find a letter from your mother is just the best thing. Just so positive to have a pre dementia memory of her, hope it helps get you through the next few weeks, Take care.


Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
I am so sorry for your terrible loss, but glad that you all were able to be with her at the end. Your mother must have been an incredible woman to think about her letters. I hope they help you remember her real self but that the remembering is not too bitter-sweet.

You have walked a long hard road and have helped so many with your story. Thanks you and I wish you peace in the days ahead.



Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
Radcliffe on Trent
I remember that strange combination of shock, sadness and relief that mum's suffering was over. We knew she was failing but nobody ever quite said it or believed it. My deepest sympathy to you and all your family. May you find comfort and peace remembering your mum in happier times.


Registered User
Jul 6, 2015
Hi Witzend,

How lovely that you have that letter from your mum. That must be such a comfort. She is at peace now.

Kind wishes,


at wits end

Registered User
Nov 9, 2012
East Anglia
I'm so sorry to hear your news Witzend. You were such a support to me when I first came here and stories about how you coped with your Mum have really helped me on my own journey.

I trust you can now enjoy your family wedding and picture your 'old' Mum watching over it all.