My poor mother is gone

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Witzend, Jul 21, 2015.

  1. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,296
    SW London
    We had a call on Sunday morning to say her breathing was laboured and she wasn't responding. GP said she was 'very poorly' although there were no obvious signs of infection, and he gave her a day or two. Knowing how very strong she is I had thought it might well go on longer and it was such a worry, since the whole family is going to be away very soon for one week plus, for daughter's big wedding do in France.
    But thankfully it was not to be - she died yesterday afternoon and one of us was with her the whole time, not that she seemed to be aware of anything or anyone at all. Brother and sister and BiL have been staying the past 2 nights.

    Although it is always very sad to lose a parent, she was in such a bad way, poor old thing, that none of us could really have wished for her to go on any longer.
    One lovely thing, brother was going through her papers last night, and he found a really lovely letter to us all, evidently to be read after her death, but she must have written it around 20 years ago. It was our pre-dementia mother talking, and it was as if she was there again, just as she was before.

    I shall still be popping in here now and then, and wishing you all the very best on this awful journey. Ours has lasted over 15 years - she was 97 last month.

    We phoned her lovely ex cleaning lady last night, who had become more of a very good friend to her than anything, and she said, 'I'm sorry, but I'm not,' which we thought was a good way of putting it.

    xx to all.
     
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,581
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm so sorry t read your news Witzend - but like your cleaning lady, I'm not. It's so good you were with your mum at the end and wonderful that should have that letter. Sending condolences to you and your family.
     
  3. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    5,655
    Hampshire
    So sorry to read this but I understand your comments about your Mum's quality of life. I wish you and your family strength for the time ahead and hope all goes well. Take care xx
     
  4. nicoise

    nicoise Registered User

    Jun 29, 2010
    1,807
    I'm sorry to hear your news Witzend, but glad for your mother and your family that the struggle is finally over, peacefully.

    As always though, how lovely it is to come across a letter written by your mum when she was well - I'm sure that will be the catalyst for happier memories of how she used to be for you all.

    And how lovely that you have the happy occasion of your daughter's wedding to take you into the future with positive things to look forward to.
     
  5. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,592
    Yorkshire
    I can only echo the words of your cleaning lady, Witzend.

    I know from your posts, which have so often mirrored mine, that after the initial shock, (and losing your mother is always hard, even if you think you're prepared) this is for the best.

    The idea of a letter is lovely. I might have to think about that myself.....
     
  6. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,497
    Female
    Near Southampton
    I'm sorry to read your sad news. Please accept my sympathy.
    To lose your mother is always upsetting even when you know it releases her from all she has suffered.
     
  7. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    To find a letter from your mother is just the best thing. Just so positive to have a pre dementia memory of her, hope it helps get you through the next few weeks, Take care.
     
  8. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
    19,049
    Durham
    Please accept my sympathy x


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  9. Grace L

    Grace L Registered User

    Jun 14, 2014
    647
    NW UK
    Sorry to hear your sad news.

    My thoughts are with you. x
     
  10. Delphie

    Delphie Registered User

    Dec 14, 2011
    1,252
    I'm so pleased your brother found that letter. You're in my thoughts.
     
  11. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    I am so sorry for your terrible loss, but glad that you all were able to be with her at the end. Your mother must have been an incredible woman to think about her letters. I hope they help you remember her real self but that the remembering is not too bitter-sweet.

    You have walked a long hard road and have helped so many with your story. Thanks you and I wish you peace in the days ahead.

    Quilty
     
  12. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,482
    Radcliffe on Trent
    I remember that strange combination of shock, sadness and relief that mum's suffering was over. We knew she was failing but nobody ever quite said it or believed it. My deepest sympathy to you and all your family. May you find comfort and peace remembering your mum in happier times.
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,560
    Kent
    Your mum`s no longer `very poorly` Witzend. May she rest in peace.
     
  14. MrsTerryN

    MrsTerryN Registered User

    Dec 17, 2012
    773
    This journey for her is finally over .
     
  15. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,603
    West Midlands
    Thinking of you and your family
    xxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  16. Long-Suffering

    Long-Suffering Registered User

    Jul 6, 2015
    426
    Hi Witzend,

    How lovely that you have that letter from your mum. That must be such a comfort. She is at peace now.

    Kind wishes,

    LS
     
  17. Demonica66

    Demonica66 Registered User

    Oct 23, 2014
    55
    Thinking of you and your family Witzend. Xx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  18. at wits end

    at wits end Registered User

    Nov 9, 2012
    753
    East Anglia
    I'm so sorry to hear your news Witzend. You were such a support to me when I first came here and stories about how you coped with your Mum have really helped me on my own journey.

    I trust you can now enjoy your family wedding and picture your 'old' Mum watching over it all.

    Helen
    x
     
  19. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,206
    Merseyside
    My thoughts are with you xx
     
  20. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,278
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Witzend my thoughts are with you at this sad time xxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     

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