My poor dad


Registered User
Apr 5, 2008
My dad has been coping alone for several years and is not at breaking point. He is 80 years old in 9 months and does not know how to cope and cannot get on any courses. I have tonight had to fetch my mother at 7pm because once again she is wondering the streets with no inhibitions. We visited a memory centre yesterday and they said they can recommend help but I feel it is not soon enough and soon I will be without my Mum and Dad xxxxxxx please help


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland

You need to ring social services first thing on Monday. Tell them that this is an emergency, and you need help urgently.

Quite honestly, I don't think a course would help your dad now, what he needs is practical support.

Your mum should be assessed, and your dad should have a carers' assessment. You have to be firm on the phone, and stress how ill this is making your dad. Refuse to get off the phone until they make an appointment to visit.

I do hope you can do this, your dad should not have to cope alone.

Please keep in touch, and let us know how you get on.


Registered User
Aug 8, 2007
I have had a similar situation and agree with Hazel except that I would add that you should also be able to make immediate contact through an emergency social work number for your area if the situation is very urgent - I never had to do this but as our situation progressed I used to carry this number with me at all times. You may be able to find on your local authority web site or by contacting local police I think. Others may advise - as I never used I have no idea what constitutes an out of hours emergency. Someone also suggetsed NHS24 for an out of hours crisis.

I see that another poster has also suggested emergency respite - will depend on what is available.

You need to tell social services/CPN/GP either now or monday that your father cannot cope and you have real concerns for both of them. Please realise that although some social workers are very good many are under pressure and may well do as little as possible if they think someone else will provide an answer. Underline how bad the situation is when you contact someone. In this area there is a duty social worker on at all times who deals with urgent referrals

Does your Mum have a care manager? In this area it is usually a Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN) and she was great with us after some prompting.

My father also found it very hard to cope especially as time went on - completely understandable given the situation (both my parents in 80's and both with other problems)but he also could not admit this or acccept many of the offered services and eventually others had to take action to ensure care for Mum and to protect his health.

I feel sympathy for you because you will need to try to be the strong one and do what you hope is the best for each of your parents and if you are like me constantly worry about whether it is the right thing.So hard to be put in the situation where you become the parent and also realise there may be conflict between what is best for each of them. My Mum was beyond understanding any of this and my father was and still is in denial.

Very difficult - try to get support for yourself and use TP. It is great for making you feel not entirely alone with this illness and also at suggesting ways to deal with the problems.

Wishing you all the best.


Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
Hello J4Joanne

I was in a similar situation last year and ended up putting mum in respite due to dad having to go into hospital. I contacted mums CPN who in turn told me of the care homes that would take mum (emi) and also suggested I rang the social worker to get an assessment. I did this but because it was emergency and we couldn't wait over a week to be assessed I said we would pay the fees until an assessment could be done, obviously then because we were paying the SW did not want to know, and it was left up to me to sort out the care home and getting mum in for respite. The CPN was very good though she did ring the care home and spoke to the manager to reassure that it would be in mums interests for her to be there whilst dad in hospital.

I suggest you look into these possibilities before it becomes a real matter of urgency, and do as the other previous replies, stress your father needs help, it may be that is all that is needed. Your father should be entitled to a carers assessment too.

Good luck.